[FaithWalker]

MLC Update:
I don't tell him anything about me.  If I do, he seems to get bored and change the topic back to him so why bother.

I feel this on every level.  I think that might in the future be a good indication that they are coming out of their crisis.  When they actually seem interested in not talking about themselves and asking genuinely about our lives.

[Sam I Am]

FW:   I feel you are probably exactly right.  They are so intent on themselves that no one else matters much.  From things I have seen, it is not just us.  I have seen him switch topics with the kids also.  Imagine how others must see this too.

Even after nearly 5 years, it is hard to see a good man who could care less about others...especially the family that once lit him up.

[Sam I Am]

H has been by the house the last 4 days due to son being in town.  Some times he was near normal and other times he was not.

Thursday:  Stopped by in the evening after he got off work.  Didn't stay long.  Visited for about 30 mins then was off.  Just all of a sudden....I gotta get going and he left.

Friday:  We were having my parents over for supper to see son.  He stopped by after work again.  Stayed and talked.  We made plans for Saturday and then he was off again.

Saturday:  We spent most of the day together due to us helping son relocate.  He was driving the truck and trailer for us.  He was sort of in a good mood but was more reserved.  A bit on the serious side.  When we got to son's old residence, he turned very childish.  Teen like.  Stupid jokes that just were not funny.  He wanted to take control of the loading of the "stuff" to be moved.   He and daughter in law both wanted control and they both were at odds with each other.  Neither listened to the other and just did their own thing.  It caused delays but eventually it worked out.  Not without some frustration on their parts.  Not mine.  I just did what was needed to do to keep things moving and played with the dogs.  When we got home, he and son did some stuff that needed done for Sunday, then he hopped in the car and left without ever saying a word goodbye. 

Sunday:  He was much more jovial and near normal despite this trip being more stressful.  He joked and picked and had some fun with us.  The 3 of us worked together well and we got things delivered to the new home in a timely manner.  All went well.  On the way home, we were discussing supper plans.  H said he had grass to mow so I directed the balance of the convo to son.  Ultimately, we decided on grilling steaks and H decided to mow then join us.  Told us he needed enough time to mow 2 lawns....about 1.5 hours yet it took him 3 hours to return.  Guess there was an unspoken 3rd property that needed mowed.  When he returned he said the truck and mower both needed gas and that was his delay.   He must have used an eye dropped to fill up the mower gas tank.  He hung around for a bit.  Spent time on his phone for about an hours vs being involved with the family.  Suddenly he jumped up and said...time for me to go.  Said good bye to son.  Not even a hug for him.  Yelled good bye to daughter who was at the pool with grandson...didn't acknowledge grandson at all.  Gave grandbaby 3 a hug and a kiss.  Gave grandbaby 2 a kiss on top of the head and started to leave.  Then grandson that was ignored yelled for him and said....wait for me.  You didn't say good bye to me.  Made him wait until he got out of the pool and came up to the driveway.  Then GS wouldn't take a hug and kiss....only a good bye.  Then he was gone.  Totally ignored myself and son in law.  Oh well.  This is what I come to expect.

I look for H to disappear for a few day.  Next week we get another day together.  We have to pick up the leftovers that son isn't taking with him and get them to storage.  This trip will be just the two of us.  All will be well on my part.  I'll just sit back and observe.  Keep my mouth shut and not provide input when it is not needed.  Just roll with the punches while H and DIL duke it out for control!

[UrsaMajor]

[Sam I Am]

UM:   LoL   Yes they do tend to get very weird at times. 

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The last few days I have taken time to ponder some things.  Reflect and look back.

Over the last few years, H has made a come around nearly every spring.

2018 he was around because OW 1 had moved.  He left in Mid July.  Would have left sooner but he had to figure out the logistics and was delayed by a few weeks.
2019 he came around in the Spring and helped with yard work.  Then he would slowly stop coming around as much and helping with the yard and the dogs unless asked
2020 same as 2019 only he was coming for breakfast with the family during covid when things were shut down.  Asked me to keep doing it but it fizzled out when I was able to start playing PB again on Sat and Sun mornings.
2021 started to come around while he was rehabbing.  Spent a lot of time at the house working in April and May.

In May he had a huge shut down.  I can pretty much pinpoint when it happened.  H was very near normal for several weeks.   The week before he went away to visit ow2 he was at the house when I came home from work.  Just sitting there.  Told him I was surprised to see him there.  He sat there and stared out at the yard, then got up and left.  He acted like he wanted to say something but I didn't prod.  It was at this point that he missed the family gathering for son's graduation.  We were to spend the week with him.  Instead...H ended up visiting ow2.

When he got back, he was  distant and continued to get more distant.  The worse times was from September 21 until March 22.  Hardly seen or heard from him during this time.  It was nothing for him to disappear for 2 to 3 weeks at a time.  He would then pop in and repeat this all again.

April 22 until now.....he is showing signs of coming by to be helpful.  He likes to mow the grass but doesn't always get to it so I mow it.  He usually shows up a day or 2 late.  The last time he sounded disappointed that he didn't get to cut the grass.

Based on history, I am sitting hear waiting to see when he will pull away again.   Usually late Spring, it starts to happen.  Time will tell!

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Other things I have pondered:

Yesterday he showed up at my office.  I needed some pay stubs for financial reasons and he was finally getting them to me (only 6 weeks late).  While he was here:

1.  He asked about a new phone I got.   Told me and asked me why I didn't get a version that he was looking at.  I told him.  Also told him I didn't want a phone now, but mine face died and I wasn't gonna pay the deductible to have it fixed.

2.  He advised me that when I was traveling to the city that the one train station has limited runs on the weekend and I should be sure to check it out before making plans. 

3.  He was advising me on a project I am working on and giving me feedback on how he thinks it should be done.

I was polite on all these things.  I thanked him for his feedback and told him I would take it into consideration.

What is odd about all this is that he has not given advise or shared his opinion in so long unless I asked for feedback.  I quit asking and now he is volunteering.

He has occasionally called me by my nickname again.  Not often but now and then.  This he has done before....then he stops and goes formal again.

Time will tell if he will continue contact or if he will rinse and repeat and start to pull away and distance himself once again.  Time will tell.

Time to grab some popcorn and see how the show plays out!

[UrsaMajor]

We'll all be watching this space!

[MadLuv]

Sam- what a rollercoaster ride. Hard to eat popcorn 🍿 on all those twists and turns!! I will be following along……

[Schratz66]

Sam - your MLCer is truly a magnificent version that defies all logic..lol.....I have said it before and will say it again...I can only admire your patience and strength in which you have survived the last 5 years without losing your mind.....my MLC said the oddest thing the other day...it made no sense and was not connected to any conversation...he said...he always had and always will listen to me...........what the heck does that even mean..........and of course I had to reply that this is news to me ...lol....cray cray land for sure.

Have a wonderful summer with your kids and grandkids

[MadLuv]

Schratz-
My XH at one point said” I trust your opinion on everything , but men”
You can’t make it up’n

[Sam I Am]

Those  WTF does that mean moments can be hilarious!  Especially in hindsite!  At least we can get some chuckles out of all of this!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!