I just wondered if it was weird he used a pic with his ring on when hes running from marriage and divorcing me! I guess I was looking for hope my thinking was right in maybe he is not with someone or he would not of used that photo. Not that he is paying attention but I think most women would not like their men posting a photo with his wedding ring on.

How does that green taste after dipping your elbow in it?

MadLuv is correct in this regard.....

So is your question why he changed his FB profile to an old photo? Does it matter? It still just of him. I assume that is what was there in choices. Maybe he thought he looked good in it. It means nothing. You’re not crazy. You are however looking for anything to tell you where he is and that’s a fools game right now.  Nothing he does means anything. He is trying to find himself in this new life he thinks he needs. He is just doing whatever, but there is nothing to read into a profile pic change. You can't figure out where he is. He doesn’t know himself, unfortunately

Each situation follows a different path. I enjoy time spent with him as a family...so we do spend Christmas and take our daughter and SIL on vacation, together...we are still a family. He texts me pretty well weekly, I recently was with him for a surgery (this is my third time being with him for surgery) and when I am signing the paperwork and it asks me my relationship to the patient I wrote "family member"......it's kind of by chance that it has turned out this way because  many MLCer's just disappear.

Each scenario has it's pros and cons....most of my friends look at me as though I have two heads when they hear about a trip we are going on or my being there for his surgery....and it isn't easy either way, contact/no contact....one is not better than another.

XYZ,
I have to admit I can't wrap my head around this, first because it is unimaginable in my own situation. H has been M'ed to the OW from nearly the minute our D was final. He is a Vanisher & I find that preferable actually to having his "new life" flaunted in my face like some LBSs have to bear. And secondly, because I think it is an unusual situation among the HS folks I have most interacted with. Not saying, of course, it is wrong. We each have to find the path that is, first of all, available to us & the one that works for us. Your path may even increase the odds of an eventual reunion, if that is something you choose.

I really don't know the extent of my sons' relationship with their father. I don't ask questions; my life is not my H's business & fair play means his is not my business. My DIL occasionally throws off a comment or two when we are alone together. Mostly of exasperation with the whole thing from BD to present. She came into our family a few years before BD, actually while H was involved in his secretive R with OW, & she was delighted that our family seemed so solid, unlike hers, & that our son's parents "actually like each other & like doing things together." That was the extent of H's ability to compartmentalize & hide his MCL & betrayal. So BD & its aftermath affected her greatly too. She & Son#2, I think, approach a R with him like they do with her difficult mother, rather matter-of-factly & not expecting much. Son#1 has a more difficult time, feels I think, more emotional & a larger sense of betrayal.

I hate more than anything at this point that MLC shattered the dynamic of our family. The boys were 30 & 25 at BD, in the process of building their own adult lives & it affected that, no question.

Thanks for responding, XYZ. Always wishing you the best as we move forward on our altered paths.
Hugs,
HT

So is your question why he changed his FB profile to an old photo? Does it matter? It still just of him. I assume that is what was there in choices. Maybe he thought he looked good in it. It means nothing. You’re not crazy. You are however looking for anything to tell you where he is and that’s a fools game right now.  Nothing he does means anything. He is trying to find himself in this new life he thinks he needs. He is just doing whatever, but there is nothing to read into a profile pic change. You cant figure put where he is. He doesn’t know himself, unfortunately

I think in life we all go through a transition, but those with more unaddressed issues go through a crisis. Each is unique to them and how long they last is unique to what they need to resolve and how willing they are to look within themselves. So, in my opinion there is no way of knowing.

My XH never took his things. I had to pack them up. Even his clothes. He also has been going through this for over 15 years. Some will never get through it.

You’re in pain because you are normal. You will heal, because you can feel this pain and you are reading and asking and researching to find your answers. That is all healthy and normal. It took me 2 years before I felt leas unhinged and 3 before I accepted where I was in total and found a way to start to move forward. Time truly is the only answer for the LBS. Sometimes I am mad about that wasted time, but in the end we have so much growth and we work on our own issues, but the biggest thing is we learn to love ourselves more and we truly do become the strongest version of ourselves.

I divorced quickly because he was willing to sign off on so much. BD to divorce final was 90 days. I figured out what I needed to survive no matter what and I asked for it.  The best thing my lawyer told me was “ if he will sign this then you will never do better. If he gets healthy and you can work things out you can always get remarried, but you will never get this deal again”

I’m wondering and was hoping you could shed some light on this for me. I went through my own crisis—I’m not hiding that. So now, he’s the second one in our couple to enter the MLC process. I can’t seem to find an answer in any of the writings. Does the second spouse to fall into a crisis have a longer, more intense, or irreversible crisis?

He still holds resentment toward me. He keeps reminding me of how much he suffered during my crisis… so does that mean he’ll never forget and never forgive?

I know, I overthink things too much…