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Our Community / Re: Help!
« Last post by Kitkat23 on Today at 09:07:18 AM »
I think I remember reading something online by someone called Larry Billota about how people who come from troubled homes are in the high risk group for a MLC.
Our Community / Re: Help!
« Last post by OldPilot on Today at 09:00:48 AM »
Quote from: Feeling Hopeless
My H is now going by the name that he was referred to as a small child! Does anyone else have experience with this?
FWIW it sounds like something that happens often.
They revert to something that happened in the past as a small child.

It is a characteristic of MLC.
Our Community / Re: Progression
« Last post by sada on Today at 08:48:06 AM »
Thanks Barbie & Rose. I admire you both so much. Yes Barbie I think I'll always lurk because after surviving the CRISIS there is nothing else like this forum. To be in the company of kindred spirits is still therapeutic for me.

As to your question Rose:
how did you find out your H’s love language? Assume he told you after working it out? 

No, he never actually told me. He might get to that point of articulation & communication some day but he's not there, yet. Not waiting for it though. One of our wonderful moderators, xyzcf recommended The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman (love his forum) to me about a year ago. I keep it handy all the time.

Xyzcf wrote:
Have you ever read The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman? It is really good at looking at how different people express their love...not all communicate in words.

Chapter 7 covers Love Language #4: Acts of Service.
Our Community / Re: Who Knew - same33's 3rd thread
« Last post by Nevertoomuch85 on Today at 08:47:01 AM »
Oh my gosh same. I don't think red ink is legal. Oh boy. ::) and there's something telling me that she might know that. Anyway, really shows you where she's at.
Our Community / Re: Where Do We Fix - We Don't - 3 Years Later!
« Last post by Ready2Transform on Today at 08:42:29 AM »
Right on, Thunder. I misunderstood about UL's marital status. Might check then first with your divorce attorney; if your exH didn't disclose this debt at the time of your settlement, and you now have it without having an order in your decree, you might be able to reopen or something or file a separate suit for him to pay your share. No one can run up a debt in your name without you knowing it, and if he didn't disclose it at the time of divorce discovery, you might really have a case.
Our Community / Re: Help!
« Last post by OldPilot on Today at 08:42:04 AM »
Feeling Hopeless is having problems posting on the forum so I am posting this here for her.

Sorry you are having problems

Quote from: Feeling Hopeless
've read a lot about a traumatic event that usually happens shortly before crisis. I struggle trying to figure out what that might be in my situation. Other than working a ton of hours, doing some home improvements, and taking on a position in the union, I can't figure out what it is.

H did have a very troubled childhood. He lost his dad at 8yrs. old. H was never sent to any kind of grief counseling. His mom was an addict most of h's life. His mom later met a new guy who was referred to as the stepdad. The stepdad was mentally and physically abusive to H. My first impression of H's family was not good, but I overlooked that. H was never close to his side of the family. There was a period of years that H didn't communicate with his side of the family. After that, I really thought that they had changed. After H left, his family immediately shut the kids and I off. They started badmouthing me, and blocked me on Facebook. Now, H acts like he has a close relationship with his family.
H knows the pain that he(and his family) felt when he lost his dad, so why would he intentionally do it to his own family?!

My H is now going by the name that he was referred to as a small child! Does anyone else have experience with this?

What he gets from you, going forward, is total cool, calm and collected.   A hard headed business woman because you are going to be all grace, dignity and security for YOU.  There is no time to waste now.  Go and search for the best lawyer. 

The above would be my advice as well. 

Sending support and hugs. 
Our Community / Re: Anyone else have a vanisher? 16
« Last post by nah on Today at 08:38:44 AM »
I don’t fell I will re marry either but who knows what the future holds.

The second half of this sentence is so important.

For me, I think those early days were more about fear of the future than what was happening at that very moment.

What about the house, the kids, what other people would think, how would I survive without him?  I had planned our future for years, and now everything was upside down.  I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to chill.

I know I did thing backwards compared to most, but the first thing I did was get out there and hook up with as many men as I could find.  Wasn't too difficult, men are pretty easy...  ;D ;D

Then when I started to get stronger that's when I decided to chill with men, I wanted to be single.  I broke up with my then boyfriend/boss who was living with me.  I had a long distance thing going on, but even that was so I would be alone most of the time.

That's when I met my now boyfriend.  He still laughs b/c I drilled into his head every five minutes, "light and fun".  I was so far from wanting anything serious.  In fact, the only reason I considered him was he was living across the country, he was only in my state to visit his father.

He's still here.  Why worry about marriage or long time commitments?  Take each day as it comes.
Our Community / Re: The only way is up..
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 08:12:20 AM »
I know these ow/om's pressure them, but mine had no ow and it made no difference.  He still wanted the D and was determined...all by himself.   ::)
Our Community / Re: Is this really my new Chapter...part 3
« Last post by Mrs.Smiling on Today at 08:08:31 AM »
I like that Treasur...that's good.
I think I'm finding that there is a slight fear inside due to his anger and threat. He could explode at anytime.
I have no problem with filling out those papers but I'm not giving him the satisfaction or paying the cost.

The thought of having to go anywhere near that place of business makes my skin crawl. Since that's where him and OW had secretly met for 2 years.

I'm pretty tough but just hearing him say what he did the other day ....puts me in a totally different spot!
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