"Chaptering out?" Things have changed a LOT since I was in then. Once you signed the contract you were in unless you a) had a medical issue that popped up, b) failed a drug test, c) proved yourself as incapable, or d) committed some sort of major infraction (i. e. crime under the UCMJ). One couldn't just "decide" they wanted out... I can see that this would have benefits in that the people that stay in are those that really WANT to stay in and potentially have a career.....

Being a primary caregiver for someone with emerging dementia must be a real challenge. My partner's mom was already in a care home when we met and, having spent significant amounts of time visiting before she passed on, I can not imagine what it would be like having to deal with that without significant help. That is one of those where those of us on the outside say "Take care of yourself too!" while only seeing what is on the edges, not the day-to-day work behind the scenes. Tip of the hat to you for keeping going!

Routines can be comforting for a while too. It gives time to regroup a bit and plan for future activities (like April!)



UM

Yes, D25 threw her life down the toilet and XW cheered her on for doing it.

I only really want to respond to this one part. I personally do not agree that your daughter "threw her life down the toilet". Yes, her decision does not appear ideal to me. Yes, her decision looks hasty and impulsive. But she is 25 years old. Her path may be more turbulent and painful than you might otherwise have hoped, but we all must live our own lives.

In the case that this is somehow certified as the single worst decision she could have made, I still don't believe that it would mean she threw her life away. At one point I truly KNEW that my ex ruined my life. But as painful as her decision and method she used to leave me was, she couldn't ruin my life; even if I thought she could, I could choose at any point to turn it around.

Your daughter appears to have taken an unforeseen fork in the road. Maybe it will turn out it was for the best, maybe it won't. Regardless, she still has a rich and full life ahead of her, even if the shape of it is now unfamiliar.

As for your ex, she sounds miserable and misery loves company. It must be challenging to have that on the periphery of your life.

As they always say here, be kind to yourself. I guess a lot of us here were once slow learners but what’s important thing is we learned something. We might have different pace in the learning process but we will all get there. In the past I also said to myself, I should have give up earlier but as my psychologist said at the time I wasn’t just capable and that’s ok. So, don’t regret anything, you did your best to save your marriage and at least you can look back and say I tried. Keep healing!  Glad you enjoyed your trip with your daughters.

Amazing, I’m happy you found joy again. Like you, I’m very thankful for this group here. Congratulations on your new home. Keep moving forward. You’re doing a great job as a parent. And keep discovering yourself. I learned a lof of new things about myself. I still stumble at times when I’m reminded of my ex but those moments are short. I believe one day, we all get to a point where when we are reminded of them, they will just be a distant memory.

Hello Ready and UM.

S20 is back.  I got a text from nephew21 a few weeks into training saying that they decided not to stay and were working on Chaptering out.  2 harrowing months with little information and contact and the biggest worries about how this decision was impacting them, they made it home just before Thanksgiving with an uncharacterized discharge.  This mama cried, prayed, paced the floor, aged a few years in a few months and then have run the gamut from disappointment of reversing their oath, to relief, and then guilt for that relief.  There was a lot that went on plus with the government shutdown that didn't help matters either.  They are now figuring out what's next and I am praying that they won't keep floundering.  The plus side was that I got to spend a lot of time with S20 at Christmas since he was home and I was off work.  I had some vacation days to "use or lose".

Mom is still home with me and she has some really good weeks and then she will have an off week, but seems to bounce back.  I've started really having to pay attention to solar storms and moon cycles as it's crazy, but those things do seem to effect her dementia.  More and more of the burden of managing all the things seems to fall to me, but will eventually show the need to either have someone in the home, send her to daytime care some of the time, or look into assisted living.  I am taking a vacation in April and have been arranging for some of my brothers and/or sister-in-laws to come stay with her while I'm gone.  I had a non-refundable, but transferrable ticket that I had planned on using to go to see S20's ceremonies but since he returned home, I changed it into a ticket elsewhere for fun. 

S25 and his gf of 2 years moved back into his house.  He took it off the market briefly and will return it to the market this Spring, hoping to have a better time of selling.  Unfortunately, it's hard to sell lately as no one can afford the cost of housing. 

I am looking forward to my vacation in April, but my life has fallen into a pretty predictable routine right now.  Until my burden of caring for M changes, this seems to be a period of buckling down and doing the things that need doing.  I do feel somewhat that I am setting aside my own hopes and dreams right now, but we do those things out of love for our loved ones, don't we?  That is why we are who WE are, and MLCers are who they are.  Not to say that somedays I don't feel like running away, but I am never in any real danger of doing so.