Recent Posts

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Our Community / Re: THE RUNNING KICKBOXING MAN 3
« Last post by Watcher on Today at 07:30:11 AM »
Hi Brenross, GonerinGhana, Ready2Transform.

I don't know what you would like for me to do currently with regards to the boys. Their phones have my # blocked for 40 months now. It's a never ending battle that goes nowhere with them. She checks their phones.

They will not leave the house with me anymore because of her. They are interrogated by her after I leave.

The small window of time that I did have with them she now plays games. She takes them out when I come over all the while smiling. I leave, drive by 20 minutes later, and they are back home.

Divorce doesn't necessarily solve this problem. They are conditioned and over the age of consent. They don't have to spend time with me.

So should I return home and be physically abused. I guess I could put up with it as it doesnt hurt getting hit that much and hopefully she will continue to have bad aim when she throws things at me. Thankfully that iron missed or maybe it should have connected.  ::)

I have suffered many indignities and how much does one person have to take. Meanwhile my sons have witnessed much of her behavior. They both asked me to stay away from her, unfortunately she doesnt like staying away from me. ::)

The boys have grown a lot since I was asked to leave again in March. I've noticed.  ;D It's my absence. So maybe, just maybe, I have alterior motives. Who needs these boys more at this moment in time ? Me or my wife ?

Maybe, just maybe, I'm hoping my wife finds her son's again. Hmm, ya think that could be it. Like I said she is still playing games so I pulled back. Our sons don't need to see the games.

Am I on the fence. Absolutely. After everything that I have been through and our sons have been through, I do not hate this woman. I am still her biggest fan and I am hoping she can turn her life around one day, mostly for the boy's sake.

I believe the ship has sailed on us but I really do care about this woman. I've always have maintained that it's not me versus her.

Am I frustrated. Of course. I'm allowed to be frustrated. I think its permissible under the circumstances. I'm not looking to blow up her world nor our son's. That's why I'm patient but, yet, frustrated at the same time.

I come here to vent because who else would listen to me, lol. There are no easy answers. I try to give some insight into her behavior and I'm told I focus too much on her.

I talk about my version of mirror work and I'm getting full of myself. I go to the gym too much and I run too much. I talk about MLC too much.

I try to add some humor to this sad chapter of my life. At the end of the day I'm simply trying to maintain my sanity for these 2 boys and their mother. Again I really care about the woman and wish her no harm.

She has made a mess of her life and I cannot help her. She lives at home, rent free, works full time and can afford the utilities. She likes to gamble. I don't.

One day I probably will divorce her. It's not an easy decision for me. I dont know if it's so much as being on the fence as it's more of the fact that I really way the decision and how it impacts all.

So I may same disengaged or aloof, but I really do care and maybe the overall problem is I still lead with my heart.

So I was already at the gym at 545am and had a glorious workout. I have school tonight and every post that I write is not all doom and gloom. The boys need their mother. That is priority #1 and just maybe they find each other.

It's only Monday.

Enjoy your day
Thanks

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Our Community / Re: Growing4
« Last post by UrsaMajor on Today at 07:25:12 AM »
Maybe a “don’t poke the bear” sign would be appropriate!
Let him hibernate..

Hugs

Hey! Wait a sec! I resemble that remark!

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Our Community / Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Last post by nah on Today at 07:24:46 AM »
Oh, I see it now,...

"E" thanks you.   ;D ;D
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Our Community / Re: Growing4
« Last post by seahorse on Today at 07:17:35 AM »
Thanks Sam and Acorn:

Smiling over so many things.
It’s so wonderful to have my 3 boys home, and to have them again next month for Thanksgiving...

Maybe a “don’t poke the bear” sign would be appropriate!
Let him hibernate..

Hugs
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Our Community / Re: My life is not defined by a live-in MLCer 10
« Last post by seahorse on Today at 07:15:13 AM »
Acorn:
Finally attaching and following.
Your writings are always so though provoking.

Yeah, the olive branch thing.  For me, I tried and tried to extend one, but it kept getting rejected, so just too early I think.  Too much anger on H’s part right now, but I’ll give it some time and try again, when he seems to be turning toward me instead of away.

I think reconnection is different for everyone, and it’s so nice that your is easy for you and your family.  I think your peaceful, calm, patient personality has a lot to do with that.

May I also reconnect one day and we can compare notes...

Hugs, Sea
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Our Community / Re: The long slow dance
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 07:12:10 AM »
I agree it did seem very extreme.  MAYBE a month or two, but 6!?  Way too long.   ::)
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Our Community / Re: My new Normal
« Last post by Acorn on Today at 07:09:44 AM »
A familiar scene if you have kids.
A boy breaks an heirloom vase.  He does not say sorry but mommy is keeps mum for the moment.  He drops and breaks a glass at supper.  Mommy reacts spontaneously and says, ‘O no!’  The boy gets furious at mom and says, ‘it was cracked already.  Didn’t you see?  Why are you ALWAYS blaming me?  Do you think I’m that clumsy?’ etc, etc. 

This incident, too, shall pass.  Just a tiny little stutter step. 
May I suggest that all you can do is:
Do not assume what, why, how, etc. (The phone pinging is a good example)
Observe the rule of 3 before you say something.  Saying nothing IS your option.
Zip judiciously, which is most of the time about anything that’s to do with A, R and his many misdeeds, at this stage.  Well, if he disrespect or abuse you, the boundary will be held up and he shall not pass that said boundary. 

Things will go back to normal like a footprint disappears in the watery mud.  Unless you keep on stepping in it.  God forbid.
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Our Community / Re: The long slow dance
« Last post by strawberry on Today at 07:07:31 AM »
Thanks UM.  I am so tired of how much this all makes me second guess myself.  I really don’t know what his IC is trying to accomplish.  I suppose he views H as his patient and not the marriage. But this is short sighted in my view.  I just glad H didn’t buy into it either.

H is very focused on salvaging our friendship before anything else.  I’m mostly okay with this as we started out friends and I believe the friendship is the foundation of our marriage.  But I have been clear that there is no friendship without the marriage.  It would not be fair to either of us or any future partners to have an ex you still love hanging around.
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Our Community / Re: Reconnection
« Last post by Yo on Today at 07:03:32 AM »
Thanks! I understand now, I'll take care of D5 and myself and keep Nice but firm!
😘
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Our Community / Re: My Book - He.Never.Said.A.Word
« Last post by Thunder on Today at 06:59:19 AM »
Aw how nice of her to write you!   :)

I just looked and, when you get time, right under the name of the book and your name there is a comment section.  : ) 

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Said-Word-Nancy-Nap-ebook/dp/B07J5GSGSY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1539263067&sr=8-2&keywords=Nancy+Nap

I reread your first few chapters again and I have to say, I really like how you started the book..with the "I met someone."  Really makes a person want to read more.
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