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Thanks so much Treasur!  That means a lot to me.  I did get my hair done today.  :)

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Nas,

I think after everything you have been through, I may not agree with your assessment, but you have every stinkin' right to feel how ever you want to!

I'm still mad at his cowardly mother.   >:(

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I'm still thinking about the fact that we are going to be camping on top of a volcano, surrounded by grizzly bears.... :o :o :o

Sounds adventurous, fun and a little dangerous.  ;D

He is such a different person its hard to get used to the new version. I'm different too, so I guess we are still getting to know one another. Its weird to be married for 20 years and yet feel like you just married a stranger yesterday!  ;)

If your husband is such a different person I think it may be safe to say he is out of the tunnel. Which differences to you notice? How are you different?

We read a lot that if the couple reconciles they wil have to get to know one another, again but don't read much how it is like. Can you tell us more?
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Our Community / Re: The Positives XXI
« Last post by Anjae on Today at 04:43:38 PM »
I am so sorry for your friend.

You can't go to that part of the UK, but internet allows the two of you to talk and see each other if you and her so which.

Big hugs.

A

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Our Community / Re: Helping Me in this MLC 2
« Last post by Rosetintedglasses on Today at 04:39:27 PM »
Too excited to wait on the new thread - you deserve the ILU! Good for you letting her feel free enough to get to that point!

Rose 🌹
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Our Community / Re: Now What?
« Last post by Anjae on Today at 04:39:21 PM »
Loved the Monet.  :)

Most people only have one or two friends with whom they are/can be emotionally intimate. There are different types and levels of friendship and that type is very specific.

I always read several books at a time. Currently I have 6, 4 poetry, 2 fiction (one more serious one lighter). I don't forget the stories and it allows me to vary.

If there are more than one friend around the friends will interact with each other. Most of family lives here, I can't see them all at a time/all the time. I tend to see my siblings and nephews at mum, and the others on occasion. Between your daughter and your brother it makes sense to me visiting your daughter more.

I badly need a friend but I'm not willing to let myself find the type of friend that I need. How screwed up is that?

Totally.

Maybe less thinking and more doing or go with the flow would work?
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All Ready2 said.

All I read on your part was dignity and grace.

Same here. I don't know why you are being so hard on yourself, Nas. There is no reason for it.

Hugs
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Our Community / Re: Old Timers Thread 2
« Last post by Anjae on Today at 04:35:23 PM »
It was about throwing away the calendar.

That is wonderful but I do think it depends of the LBS age and what the LBS wants. Especially for female LBS that may want kids.

Even RCR has said that if her husband hadn't returned soon enough at a point she would giver herself a deadline. To herself, not to him.

Throwing away the calendar is good if someone is willing to "wait" for half a decade, a decade or more for their MLCer. Most people aren't and it is not realistic to expect them to be.

I would had been very please if, at BD, there was someone in real life that would had been able to tell what was really going on and how long it may last and that the fact it may last a long time would leave be childless. There was no one to do that. My choices would had been very different and, like I said before, I wouldn't have give Mr J 5 seconds.

One sentence from one of the articles points out that this won't play out how you expect it to, and not on your timeline.  That really is the case. 

True. But the articles and blog posts also left it clear that most will not reconcile. And that there are no guarantees and that we may not like the out of crisis person and the out of crisis person may not like us.

MCL is not about the marriage or the spouse. But if the MLCer is single the damages will be different. And if the LBS was married to someone who didn't had a MLC things would be different as well.

Most of us, if not all, had not clue what it was at first. It makes sense to me that we tried to make the marriage work before we knew it was MLC and had nothing to do with the marriage.

That's b/c I would order the chicken so he could have the steak.

I never ordered the chicken so that Mr J could have the steak. Either we both had the chicken or we both had the steak. Or each would chose what we liked best. I never had that thing many women seem to have, husband first. We were equals.

I would have done it with children if we have them and if we needed to save money, but not with a husband.

And the next marriage/relationship will have to be similar. It will have to be a relationship of equals.


I say most of them try to return, not all. We know that a few remain stuck/in MLC forever. I don't know who will be stuck. And if the ones who will be stuck are the ones who have been in crisis for years on end or some of the ones whose crisis are only starting.

But he is now financially dependent on the OW as well, so realistically how would he get away? 

By just getting away? By coming to you? I am not certain their circunstances matter in their getting away. Being dependant of OW/OM of living a life of luxury with OW/OM don't seem to make a difference.

Didn't we use to think that once they are out of money they would return? That doesn't happen. But the opposite per se also doesn't make them come out of crisis. Living well, or very well in itself does not wake a MLCer up. I don't know what wakes them up since it seems to be different for each of them.
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Amen Treasur, he chose this not me!
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Ooh loving the vacation updates.

Hope you have packed your crown, looks like you might need it again Queen Acorn!!

Rose 🌹
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