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Our Community / Re: Reassembling - exploring, unearthing and dusting off
« Last post by Treasur on Today at 11:49:34 PM »
S let it slip the other day when he was panicked about the magic $26K that the neighbors were contributing. Xh grabbed onto that nugget. He offered to go up and thank the neighbors and to find out how much they are contributing. I told him that was not an option and I would be dealing with them. I bit my lip since S was sitting there, but wanted to tell Xh that he would probably be thrown out of that house. My elderly neighbors have no tolerance for the BS he has been selling. They know from both kids what has been going on, as both kids have visited with them. Bits and pieces have come out - enough for these neighbors to put it together. Talk about clueless.  ::)

Isn't that a weird mindset for an adult man in your h's circumstances? To offer to say thank you - and find out for how much which I suspect is more his agenda - that strangers are stepping in to support your children because you have created the situation whereby they need that. Your xh is very comfortably with other people paying for his choices isn't he? What an a$$hat...difficult to respect that kind of man imho and your neighbours' generosity doesn't deserve them having to deal with xh!

If he presses it, Mourning, I'd be tempted to be blunt...that if he speaks to them there is a good chance that their opinion of him may screw the offer...and watch him run LOL. Your neighbours I suspect see you and your kids as people who have done their best in trying circumstances not created by any of you, and they want to help you out from respect, to encourage you all...unlikely to see xh in the same way I'm sure.
Lovely update Praying. You go Girl, you can do whatever you want to do now. ist his loss not yours. It sounds like you will be just fine.
Not all LBS success stories are about reconciliation, most are about surviving and living a full life which you enjoy. You seem to be doing that, your H will hate it when he finds out but that is not your Problem!
Our Community / Re: They just don't understand
« Last post by Treasur on Today at 11:17:44 PM »
The 'no show' (after we've done some hard work or worried a lot) is pretty standard
As is the 'jump to it NOW' demand after months of ignoring something we've asked them to deal with

It sounds as if you are focusing on your own essential priorities now and assuming (sadly I guess) that divorce is going to happen?
Our Community / Re: 19 months in, 3 Weeks to Divorce
« Last post by Whyus on Today at 11:13:44 PM »
This is going to be a busy Weekend but thats life isnt it??
We had a Team Event yesterday. We were 18 strong and we booked a boat and had a 3 hour cruise around the river in Brunswick. It was a Pirate theme with Food and drink on board and some silly pirate drinking games. There was also a water pistol on board (I like water pistols  ;D). My work Team are a great bunch, I didnt have to drive and the weather was great.

My Metal band are Meeting at our Keyboarders house later, all 6 of us with Partners. Could get a Little loud but we wont be able to stay too Long as Saturday will be a Long day.
I have a Gig with my Coversband, its 250km southbound, about an hour from the bear. We have a Hotel and will drive back Sunday after breakfast. K and I have decided to take Advantage of the Situation and wll drive down on the Suzukis. The first 1,5hours country roads around the base of the Harz mountains, then 1,5 hours motorway and another 30 minutes through the country.

No MLC BS to report again which is obviously a good Thing.
Have a great Weekend Folks, make it Count.
« Last post by Whyus on Today at 10:54:38 PM »
This 1 mile race is on 5th Avenue in NYC. Thousands of people participate in the general run but they have friendly rivalries being run in addition. I looked at last year's results and 6 minutes was the winning time. This one is not until Sept 9th.
What a shame, we are flying out of NY on the 7th.... to a friends ranch about a 2 hour drive away from San Antonio.

Sounding good watcher, at least they took doggie with them to wherever they went. Couldnt have been the Casino.......
Our Community / Re: Thread 31 - Taken by the Wind Part 2
« Last post by Whyus on Today at 10:47:20 PM »
It wouldn't be too strange if the rash had a psychological/emotional root. Think about it, you're wearing the jewels your husband gave you when involved on a EA/PA. Crazy? Maybe, but it seems plausible to me.

Seems very plausible to me

She really loved it when I gave it to her... It really fit her pre-MLC style as she was always dressed very sophisticated and elegant for work but never over the top. Very professional.  When MLC hit, she changed her style to s!ut-Puppy <barf> 
I know that look all too well. My STBXW always looked very professional and know she Looks just $l*tty enough to piss off her Family but not so $l*tty that her workmates would know that shes acting like a $l*t. I sometimes wonder what BS Story she told her workmates about us getting a divorce and WHEN she met OM (her NEW BF)  :(

Our Community / Re: Crazy Train to Nowhere - 6
« Last post by handpuppets on Today at 10:38:55 PM »
« Last post by GonerinGhana on Today at 09:24:45 PM »
Oh and one more thing, about what stage they are at, go read Acorn's previous thread and the discussion she and I had about Gantt charts. We both have live at home MLCers and we simply don't believe that the phases are discrete periods that you can separate from one another. I'm more convinced the phases of MLC are actually just moods and one or another is dominant at any time but it doesn't mean the others can't be in play. What my H did for me the other day is the sort of thing one would expect from someone in reconciliation, but yet he is still in replay. It's better to learn to recognize their daily moods rather than try to see the big picture.
« Last post by GonerinGhana on Today at 09:20:55 PM »
Last October is when the guilt caught up with him. It's when he proposed he would do what he finally did a few days ago to make me secure (something we had actually discussed long before his MLC) and even swore he would do it because as he said himself at the time, he wanted the guilt to go away. Of course, he backed out of it and cycled around many more times and I got 3 incidents of him swearing about it and breaking his promise in the meantime. So 10 months from when he SAID he would do the right thing until he actually did it. There was also more of a shift in his monstering focus to OW away from me at the time, but I also got better at avoiding monster and not letting it affect me too.

But really it has been up and down all the way. Two steps forward, 1.5 backwards.

What I can say is similar to your case is he has goes through 1-2 month cycles where he has a current obsessive behavior or concern that characterizes that period of time. Then that ends, and a new cycle starts.

However, there are overall arching patterns too. He can't stay happy for long for example. If he seems a bit too cheery, I've learned to stay and enjoy it for a bit and then withdraw and go do something away from him before it ends. Because in less than 24 hours he is going to blow up at someone and I don't want it to be me. I have learned to recognize the good moods won't last, so I treat them as a sign to give him space. They are like tobacco highs and withdrawals.

About mentioning divorce, or any other negative talk. I have come to realize it is just that, talk. He has a huge amount of anger inside him and he needs to get it out. They say listen, don't react. And that really is the best thing. There was one night last month, I don't recall if he said he wanted divorce that night, but he was absolutely horrid in what he said. I literally sat here and did not speak a single word. I just put a pillow in front of my face and let him rant. He came and went multiple times, each time coming back to rant again, trying to get a reaction out of me, he got NONE. 30 seconds 1 minute gone again, then back in again. The pillow stayed firmly in place until he just gave up and left.

The thing is you eventually learn what works, and what doesn't. You learn their patterns, and adjust your reactions accordingly.

Our Community / Re: They just don't understand
« Last post by Stand Tall on Today at 09:08:11 PM »
xyzcf, Treasur,

  So, after moving all his personal belonging to my kitchen and closing off MY bedroom he taught me a good lesson. "Expect Nothing" he was a no show.  ;). I'm learning.

  Now I will put all his personal belonging in the spare bedroom. He wants to be a roommate then he can have the spare bedroom along with the cats litter box. All my important items are in my room and I'm going to put a lock on my door.

  You are right Treasur. Divorce is only a word. So if he wants one then he can go get one. I think the biggest reason that I don't want the divorce right now is because while working on me I'm getting all my health issues up to date. With a divorce I will lose my health insurance. I have been working my but off getting things taken care of. Tomorrow I will be getting new teeth. That is going to really help with my self esteem.

  God is definitely guiding me along the way. Everytime I ask for assistance from people on HS I get the perfect advice that gets my brain working and I come up with the perfect solutions that I think will work for me.

  Thank you
  Stand Tall
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