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Our Community / Re: I guess I'll start my new thread...
« Last post by Nas on Today at 04:06:09 PM »
Someone ask me if I'm sorry yet that I brought this subject up?  :P

LMAO. Was just wondering that. ;)

Well, the discussion was going quite well.  Until...
Our Community / Re: I guess I'll start my new thread...
« Last post by Anjae on Today at 04:05:29 PM »
Bren, every issue has been examinated and debated by mods, RCR and OP. There is a button to report posts that works. The button exists under every post. Mods will see the report and act if they think it is necessary. All your concerns are already part of the mods work.

Like Xyzcf said, people leave. Some people have left and returned several times. People also arrive. It is the same in every board. I believe there is nothing else to be added on the matter.

No, I didn't spend one second over it. I just think it is illogical to advocate following the Mission Statement, then not to follow it because ... I am merely talking from the point of view of logic.

Indeed, if someone spoke to us in a PM it is because that person wanted the matter private. Otherwise, they would had brought their concerns up in the board.

Serenity, I am sorry, if this is upsetting you. It is Nas thread, she opened the discussion.
Our Community / Re: I guess I'll start my new thread...
« Last post by KeepItTogether on Today at 04:04:04 PM »
Someone ask me if I'm sorry yet that I brought this subject up?  :P

LMAO. Was just wondering that. ;)
Our Community / Re: I guess I'll start my new thread...
« Last post by Nas on Today at 04:02:03 PM »
Someone ask me if I'm sorry yet that I brought this subject up?  :P
Our Community / Re: I guess I'll start my new thread...
« Last post by megogirl on Today at 04:01:25 PM »
Let's make this very clear to every reader on this thread, my issue does not only involve Mego's current thread and as we all know (very well) that there are other reciprocates of inappropriate remarks and non-compliance of the Mission Statement!  These issues have been ongoing, involving many threads, over a period of time. 

Bren, thank you again, FOR PAYING ATTENTION.

I'm not unlike one of the "villains" on The Bachelor.  Producers identify the girl that no one seems to like, and inflate their story to match the "Villain, vs. everyone else" show-premise......because people just loooove to hate a villain!

It's called DRAMA.  And only then, once the villain is gone......the show is boring.

The fact that my post from 4 DAYS AGO somehow resurrected itself tells me folks here thrive on it as well!
Our Community / Re: I guess I'll start my new thread...
« Last post by Nas on Today at 04:00:11 PM »
Bren, what I said in my opening thread and what I've stated multiple times: the only thing that is unacceptable are comments attacking a person directly, i.e. insinuating they are off their meds, or bigoted, sexist comments or comments that threaten harm.

If we instilled the kind of system you are advocating, you wouldn't be able to reply to me right now because your "cracking the whip" would have gotten you dinged.
Our Community / Re: Snuff 3
« Last post by BrenM on Today at 03:57:41 PM »
Blue I Am so sorry to read about Bear....our 4 legged children.  They become such an important part of our family and do help increase our euphoria.    He sounds as though he was very lucky to find you guys as his family and that you spoiled him like he deserved.  Not all dogs are so fortunate.

Sadly we lost our Rotty Pup on the 22nd December last year - she was just 2 years old.  A snake bite.  It was extremely sudden and totally unexpected.  D15 took it hard - she has been my daughters therapy dog during her long bout of depression. 

Sending hugs to you and your family.  It is interesting to read that your husband was upset after hearing about Bear's passing.  Their old brain is still in their heads at times.

((((hugs)))) ❤️

Our Community / Re: I guess I'll start my new thread...
« Last post by serenity on Today at 03:53:16 PM »
Well I can’t see it improving! All I can see is more bickering and sniping!

I can’t see it achieving anything other than upsetting more and more people!

Our Community / Re: I guess I'll start my new thread...
« Last post by Nas on Today at 03:52:08 PM »
I've seen reference multiple times to "mind games."  I'm honestly puzzled by this.  First, the idea that someone on a forum is playing mind games seems strange as I'm not sure how one would go about it.  Second, the fact that what someone is doing is a "mind game" is highly subjective and what one might think is a mind game might just be a changing of mind/difference of opinion to another.  I think it's heading into dangerous territory to start accusing people of playing manipulative mind games.

And I'm just going to state my truth on this particular subject: I am really over the whole idea of "People are saying to me on PM..."
It's been used over and over, as though a secret crew of PM refugees are watching over the board, terrified to post publicly, but privately keeping lists of who is "good" and "bad" on the forum.

The whole thing is ridiculous.  If someone PMs you, it's because they want to say something to you privately, so that's the first thing, stop announcing on the forum that someone said something to you privately.

Second, again, if people are that afraid to post on the forum, they - like all of us - should be looking in the mirror and asking, "Why am I afraid?  Why do I care so much what a stranger on the internet cares about what I say?  Why can't I handle possible criticism or difference of opinion?  What do I need to work on to get past this?" 

And all due respect, Bren, but you can't make a snide comment and then call it "cracking the whip."  Why is it bullying when someone else does it but "cracking the whip" when you do it.  It can't be both ways. 
To be honest, I didn't mind your comment.  That kind of thing happens all the time, and I suspect Anjae didn't spend one second fretting over it either, and I only called it out to exemplify that you were doing exactly what you are so fiercely fighting against.

I'm much less coherent at this point, so I'll stop here, even though I'm sure I could add much more, and I might because I think I missed half the posts that came along because I was busy and not reading the forum all afternoon. 
Our Community / Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 7
« Last post by Shining Star on Today at 03:49:41 PM »
I think grief is very personal.  We all know people who rebounded fast and start a new life, even after dealing with a runaway spouse.  We also know people who never get through the betrayal and stay in the anger for the rest of their lives.  For me, I think I have healed as much as possible.  This is what I need to accept, not that he left.  I know we can't predict the future, but it is unlikely - no matter how my life turns out - that I will ever say this was a good thing.  I will never believe that the destruction of my family unit was necessary in order for me to grow personally - that the growth from the pain was positive to my life.  Lately, I feel that those around me are measuring my healing.  If I say I had a terrible marriage and thank goodness he is out of my life, then they think I am healed.  If not, I am still "broken" and shouldn't consider dating and re-building.  This type of scrutiny is difficult for me to process.

I did not have a terrible marriage and for many years his words and actions matched.  When it blew up, I was in total trauma and fight/flight mode.  In the end, I went NC to help myself.  I worked on myself, I learned to get in touch with my feelings, I did the best I could financially and recreating a home for myself.  I feel as if I have made great progress, but I feel so judged - by people who have no idea what we have been through.  Yes, it will be five years, and as I said earlier I still have the physical pain in the morning, force myself to start my day, and miss him terribly.  The nights are long as I don't have children living at home to keep me distracted.  Is it still about him or am I just lonely.  If or when I do decide to date, if I am lucky enough to find someone important, will that daily pain go away - maybe, but it won't dissolve 20+ years of life with him.  It will be different, and can be as good, but won't erase the marriage or how it ended.  I am not sure I am making sense tonight, but my point is that - in my humble opinion - we all have so much to deal with and it affects how fast we heal.  Issues from our childhood, the drama in the home before they leave, the damage they do to our self-esteem, financial implications, the breakup of the family, the death of dreams, the lonely nights and days, the loss of extended family and friends all play a role.  Barbie's H may be home but it doesn't change the fact that she must deal with these issues - things can't ever be the same because the marriage died.  My hope is that she and her H are able to find their way to a new life and a new marriage that is stronger than the original.  For any of us, no matter the length of time, the only thing we can do is to continue to work through the process - whatever that means for you.  For me, I need to accept that for the first time in my life I am depressed and anxious.  I am working with a doctor to find a medication to help me.  I also still need therapy.  I also found a life coach to help me identify my own goals since I am so lost and unable to figure it out for myself.  I still need certain friends that let me cry 5 yrs from BD and don't judge me.  Most do, so I have learned who to go too.  I know that when I am lonely and it is night time, I can come to the forum and read and not feel so alone.  I know that I need to do a better job of self care, which I assume will come with continued focus on the depression.  I know that I still need to work on not obsessing over him with the OW - to let it go.  I am still a work in progress, but I am not done.  I will rise from the ashes, and my success story may not be that he returned home, but that I found myself and created a wonderful life.  That is such a different thought than when I started years ago posting on this site.   We all just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other --- until we don't. 
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