I thought it might be a good idea to write some updates here. Most of the time, I am just reading the posts here.
So it will be 5 years since BD this May and 2 years since D was finalize. Time indeed flies. I didn't even notice it anymore not even anniversaries as I've been busy moving on with my life. Looking back, I cannot imagine that life would get better after BD, that finally I stopped crying. When you are in the thick of it, it is so hard to imagine that the pain would go away. It does get lesser and lesser and up to this point I don't feel it anymore although, there were times I miss having my xh in my life but these moments were just passing. I guess I won't be able to truly forget my xh, who knows. My work and my dog have kept my life occupied. I've learned to love going on hikes with her. My mom  and my sister and her family came over here to celebrate Christmas together. It was wonderful. We were finally complete at Christmas and New Year's after so many years. We finally have a new family picture. I missed my xh though. I guess I will always miss his company.

As for my MLCer, we remained in contact once in a while and sometimes we joke. I haven't seen him though in more than two years since that terrible day in court during our divorce hearing. Im writing an update today because the only thing that's connecting me to my xh at the moment is the alimony he's paying me which will end soon. Today I noticed I had suddenly a noticeable increase in my bank account. When I checked it, I realized it was my x. So basically he paid off the remaning amount of alimony he has to pay. After this, I feel like this is it, we will be totally disconnected which I think is maybe good for me. It's a chance for me to stand on my own without his support anymore.  5 years ago I was so scared I wouldn't be able to support myself. But now that I have lived for 4 years by myself, I realized there is nothing to be scared anymore. What happened made me realize that I can survive and even thrive by myself. This experience was truly an eye opener for me that I can rely on myself. I am just happy where I am now. I've made friends at work and outside work. I found new hobbies and I learned to trust myself in making decisions. I learned to travel by myself. So many positive things came into my life after those painful years I had to go through. For those who are still in the thick of this whole MLC thing, there is life on the other side. It might not be what we wanted initially, but it's really something you will be proud of.

On another note, my x apparently had no more contact with the people he used to have a good relationship with. I don't know if this is an MLC thing but it still surprises me that he is really a walking example of a typical MLCer. Recently, he told me that a co worker of his who was known to be a really hard working good guy. Overly hard working in fact, as he spent most of his life working and even at home with his family he was still working and entertaining business calls. So apparently, my x told me recently he got divorced. His wife, I guess also in her late 40s or maybe early 50s (night quite sure), wanted the divorce. She hired a lawyer for her and mader her h pay for her lawyer. The guy was so nice that he agreed to pay but didn't get a lawyer for himself. They didn't go to court and they just settled the divorce with her lawyer and himself. The wife demanded him to pay her half of his salary, until his retirement and she claimed not being capable of working because she's not mentally able. They have a son who is 11 or 12 years old, and she decided to leave the child with her husband as she is not interested anymore in taking care of him. So she went on travels abroad like in the Maldives and Dubai to do some yoga and went on a shopping spree of more than 20k dollars all charged to the husband's credit card. I'm not sure though if the shopping spree happened after the divorce or before. But anyway, the co worker of my ex paid the whole amount. He said, he's life is done and he just wanted to make sure the son will have a good life and then he can die. It's a really sad story as I know this guy is so nice. The only problem with him is he couldn't say no. So the ex wife abused it. Now he has to work full time and take care of their son, while the ex wife is living her best life. I do wonder if the wife is going through some crisis. She never worked and the husband provided her everything.  I told my ex good people like his colleague will have a good karma while his ex wife will be run over by the bad karma bus sooner or later. 🤣 He never reacted.

He told me he doesn't want to worry about life anymore and he just wants to enjoy his life. My ex never asked me how I am everytime we had contact. I always asked him though. I guess he is still in MLC world. I'm glad I'm out of that chaotic world.

Thanks Alvin,

I have the best legal advice and have done my best. I just can’t lie on affidavits given my role as an officer of the Court.

I have just learned how far gone she is. It will be a long road.

So despite giving my ex wife a couple of million dollars the family court decided I should have to pay the whole of the $11,000 report to assess where our kids should live. It beggars belief.

It really is difficult as man to negotiate the system. There is this will to believe men are bad for some reason. I try to remain focussed on how well it is going with my daughters which is wonderful.

My wife lied in her evidence about the money she had on hand and as far as I am concerned that is it for me. Lying to me is one thing but lying on your oath is another. I suppose I should not be surprised.

I just can’t work out where my wife went. This creature is frankly unbelievable and that she has so little regard for me amazes me.


I do wish I had not hung in there so long hoping for change. The transformation seems permanent and I was naive to expect a return to the woman I knew. But I suppose I had to go on the journey to get here.


I cannot see myself speaking to her again. I try not to be moralistic but her recent behaviour disgust me.

That is a lot to process. Reading your post the word "betrayal" keeps popping up in my head- betrayal with the lies and affairs and debt. And even though you´ve reached the point where you have accepted the course of divorce, there are more layers of betrayal- that she was ok with saddling you with her secretive debt and that she will try to get a settlement that will put you in a tough financial situation. MLC, it´s the "gift" that keeps on giving. Sigh. I can say that when my divorce went through I felt a wave of relief. It does help set a boundary for at least no further financial betrayal. May the longer days of spring bring you walks outside, gardening and bike rides. Mother Nature is on your side.

A bit of journaling:

So STBEXW finally submitted all her financials and it's unreal the amount of debt she hid and ran up.  I mean extreme.  Unfortunately for her, she has listened to a friend who said it didn't matter because I would be on the hook for half.  My lawyer said it's not the case at all and that I can show much of it wasn't family related and now she has officially lied on court docs which is going to be real bad for her.
I am truly dismayed at what my wife has become.  As the months pass by I continue to clean out my house of her stuff and I find out more and more stuff about the secret life she was living.  Running up excessive debt, more than one affair, drinking excessively, and possibly drugs.  The one person I trusted the most in my life has become someone I would never have imagined. 
She looks awful as her party lifestyle is weighing on her.  My kids said she is easily triggered lately and always in a state where she can fly off the handle at any time.  Some people I know through mutual friends have reached out to let me know about my wife's affairs.  I tell them I know all about them and thank them for the courage to say something.  They are in disbelief.  One of the women told me they were going to tell the affair partner's wife.  I can care less if they do.  I will talk to her once my case is settled.
The financial portion of all this really worries me as she is in total greed mode now.  My state is not fair to the better income earner and could care less if you go broke because of the settlement.  I still work my side jobs to get by but it's hard to find steady sidework. 
Wife is someone that I used to know at this point.  No small talk or even looking at me when I see her at drop off.  She dropped me and my family on social media and even many mutual friends. 
Ashamed at this point of where everything has gone.  I will never under this extreme anger in my wife.....  I'm trying to move along and recognize that there's no hope.  Plus with all the affairs I know in my heart I will never trust her again.  Just need to make it to the divorce finish line with enough cash to start over.