I wanted to give a quick update. Since I spoke to my friend a while back and suggested therapy he actually found someone and engaged. And it seems he is doing much better, he seems to be discovering things about his own patterns and childhood and making healthy and positive changes. That is a very pleasant surprise, because so many of these "stories" go the way we all know too well.

He is probably going to get a divorce but honestly this would be a divorce for the right reasons rather than "running away" or trying to find "happy."

Journalling

April was a quiet and peaceful month. I hosted a hike and bike ride. My bike literally broke in the last 100 yards of a ten mile ride. Some friends have encouraged me to get another bike. Last time I went 5 years between bikes. I will have to see about getting it fixed or replaced.

This past weekend was a good one. I hosted a ‘crazy hat party’ in my home and had 38 attend: KA, buddy JS and other notables women friends like TPB and JKR. My oldest brother won first place with his tape dispenser hat. KA didn’t wear one. I don’t know if her defiance is to downgrade my events importance or if it’s a passive aggresive thing? I will suggest that I can have the next one when shes not avail to attend (having D13), which gives us another date weekend instead of her suffering through a party.

Mothers Day was good doing to IL to see my mom and four brothers. I saw on S31s instagram a pic of him with XW. Her gray hair has a splash of bright green in it. Still in the MLC after 16 years or just living the new life with her new name and persona?

This is going to be a relatively quiet month, which is fine. This being an even year I have a goal to watch 100 movies and I’m right on pace. KA instructed me to not plan anything on May 23rd. I’m not sure what’s going on? I could guess she’s throwing me a surprise 60th birthday party 5 months early, but I’ve really no idea. It’s a very hushed date.

I’ll have my usual monthly hike this upcoming weekend and next week a special 10 yr anniversary weeknight hike in the group I first joined way, way back when I was still married and in the storm of my XWs MLC.

May 21st post on this page:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?action=profile;u=1472;area=showposts;start=780

The last Sat of the month is my yearly arcade day for family and friends at the largest arcade in the world. I also am forcing myself to visit the beach twice a month, seeing as I live 2 miles from the shores of Lake Michigan.

Thanks for helping me feel less alone and crazy.  It’s amazing how after 5 years they are still rewriting history this time with regards to things that happened during the divorce.  It’s my attorney’s fault that he didn’t get what he didn’t ask for back then but wants now.    he insists he did ask for it but none of the written communication shows that and I don’t remember the instance he keeps referring to (because I’m pretty sure it’s just rewriting of history still to vilify me and make everything my fault). Oof!  I made the choice to stick up for myself and tell him I didn’t remember it that way and none of his written communications or offers back then support what he is saying.  All I succeeded in doing was poking a bear.  I know I should be smarter than that but I’m sick of letting him spew unchallenged.  I don’t exactly have the fight in me that’s coming but like in all of this, we don’t have much choice in what the MLCer dumps on our doorstep to deal with.  I’m so tired of this hamster wheel though.  I don’t wish that the time with my kids would go faster but I will be relieved when I no longer have to coparent with their father.  Early on I wanted him to come back and wanted to reconcile.  At this point, I don’t think I ever could after he has shown me such a horrible side to himself that I could never trust again. 

On a funny note - my MLC anniversary just passed last week..... and I didn't even notice it. HA!!! "Oh yeah..... I missed my anniversary" LOL!!!!

That makes two of us....😅 Healing is strange.

Alvin

Sorry I am REALLY late... Been a bit busy.....

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Tonight will be the Full Flower Moon which fall on Beltane, make it very rare, The flower Moon is named because of all the flowers blossoming and blooming at this time. May's Full Moon is also known as the Bright Moon because it is very bright and the Corn Planting Moon because this is the time when farmers would plant corn for it to be ready for the harvest. This is the first Full Moon in May there will be another Full Moon at the end of May making it a Blue Moon.
Like nature at this time, we are blossoming, we are growing day by day with the strength of the Sun. Like solar panels we are soaking up the suns energy. The Full Moon is in Scorpio and it shines its light in the darkest places, encouraging us to peer in and see what’s there. Things that were once hidden will show themselves to us, you cannot hide anything from a Scorpio. We will be able to see ourselves and others in a whole new light and look at our lives more clearly.
Like a scorpion shedding its skin as a form of renewal, animals will also start shedding their skin, hair and fur around this time, the Full Moon in Scorpio calls to each of us to shed the layers that are bringing a rebirth, allowing a new skin to emerge. Welcome change, allow your light to penetrate the dark areas of fear, shame and deep seated resentment that lies hidden underneath. Give yourself permission to heal and move forward in your life, use the potential of the Full Moon to symbolically die to be reborn.
This Full Moon emotions will be raw, we may find we are feeling a flow of different emotions and a feeling of being pulled in many different directions. There will be storms both in weather and in our lives. We may have trouble sleeping and when we do we may experience weird and vivid dreams. Don't worry this will pass in the next few days.
This Full Moon will bring lessons in self transformation pulling you toward a more effective destiny, such as moving on to bigger and better things. Continue to maintain balance as you clean up the residue of what is already fractured in your life to allow new and positive beginnings to start. We are now in a new era, and are on the threshold of things beginning to develop a lot more quickly than they have in recent months. While things may still feel somewhat slow, they are about to quicken in a big way.
These are magnificent times. Change and life shifts are to be welcomed. Let the energy of this Full Moon help you see where you are emotionally stuck and resistant. Surrender to the universal gifts that are coming your way. Let the waters of Scorpio wash over you and cleanse your emotional pain and heal you.