[Baxter1]

NTA on this. I’m sorry that she’s having an issue but she has to deal with it.

[WHY]

She gets close to half my pay and has a boyfriend.  Let me know your thoughts?

Part of the LBS’s healing journey is finding your own self respect again.

Read the comment you wrote out loud and then look at yourself in the mirror.  You know what the right thing to do is.

[UrsaMajor]

SO many appropriate GIFs here so here are the best of.....

SBTXW has a car problem? Possible answers are:









She fired you from the position of dealing with her stuff so ....

[MadLuv]

Resolving her issues in life are her problem now and you not helping is a consequence of her leaving the relationship. You absolutely should not offer. She didn’t even ask. She was just hoping you would offer. That’s what you need to see. She just assumed. She just expected. She is just used to you offering and doing. Now she can just assume that those days are over.

[Tailspin]

Journaling

Been a little bit since I’ve written anything.  Got through the holidays with minimal drama.  Soon to be ex-wife has been living the partying life and unfortunately for her built a poor reputation for herself.  She has been so dating crazy that she had to be reprimanded at work for constant phone use and lack of any real work ethic.  She apparently is having a fling with a co-worker there who is also married.  That makes 2 married men she’s been with that I know of.  I have a friend who works in her building and some of the other women don’t have the nicest things to say about her. 
As for me I continue my healing journey.  I still get really upset some days, but they are getting further apart.  I have realized that following advise here about allowing yourself to grieve is really the best medicine.  I am pretty much no contact as recommended.  She still doesn’t even say hi when I see her at kid drop off and that’s fine at this point.  She has her own demons to deal with.  I have come to understand that she is a dismissive avoidant and that’s never going to change.  It’s amazing how time goes on you really start to see all the things your subconscious mind hides about the real person they are.   I have begun to really see how our ending wasn’t due to anything I did or didn’t do.  It was her feeling overwhelmed and never voicing it.  She has never been a great communicator, and I didn’t have strong boundaries with that.  I have replayed many of our final words and realized that there was never going to be a different outcome with her leaving. 
These past few weeks I have set my own personal journey to find real forgiveness.  I try to accept that I’m starting my life over.  I have come to really appreciate all my friends and family that have been there for me this past year and change.  I hope in my life I can provide them comfort when they are in a time of need.  I said to my kids that I believe God puts us all on a path which we need to learn from.  Good or bad, it’s all there to teach us things.

[Tailspin]

A bit of journaling:

So STBEXW finally submitted all her financials and it's unreal the amount of debt she hid and ran up.  I mean extreme.  Unfortunately for her, she has listened to a friend who said it didn't matter because I would be on the hook for half.  My lawyer said it's not the case at all and that I can show much of it wasn't family related and now she has officially lied on court docs which is going to be real bad for her.
I am truly dismayed at what my wife has become.  As the months pass by I continue to clean out my house of her stuff and I find out more and more stuff about the secret life she was living.  Running up excessive debt, more than one affair, drinking excessively, and possibly drugs.  The one person I trusted the most in my life has become someone I would never have imagined. 
She looks awful as her party lifestyle is weighing on her.  My kids said she is easily triggered lately and always in a state where she can fly off the handle at any time.  Some people I know through mutual friends have reached out to let me know about my wife's affairs.  I tell them I know all about them and thank them for the courage to say something.  They are in disbelief.  One of the women told me they were going to tell the affair partner's wife.  I can care less if they do.  I will talk to her once my case is settled.
The financial portion of all this really worries me as she is in total greed mode now.  My state is not fair to the better income earner and could care less if you go broke because of the settlement.  I still work my side jobs to get by but it's hard to find steady sidework. 
Wife is someone that I used to know at this point.  No small talk or even looking at me when I see her at drop off.  She dropped me and my family on social media and even many mutual friends. 
Ashamed at this point of where everything has gone.  I will never under this extreme anger in my wife.....  I'm trying to move along and recognize that there's no hope.  Plus with all the affairs I know in my heart I will never trust her again.  Just need to make it to the divorce finish line with enough cash to start over. 
 

[beyondblessed]

Like every other MLCER, your stbxw has been absolutely her own worst enemy throughout her journey and so it will continue.  You, on the other hand,  have made great progress and strides in moving forward, which under the bizarre and unfortunate circumstances, is commendable.  Keep looking ahead for you and your children's best interests.  Sooner or later, all the secrets get revealed and with each new discovery, it's like we never really truly knew them at all.

[forthetrees]

That is a lot to process. Reading your post the word "betrayal" keeps popping up in my head- betrayal with the lies and affairs and debt. And even though you´ve reached the point where you have accepted the course of divorce, there are more layers of betrayal- that she was ok with saddling you with her secretive debt and that she will try to get a settlement that will put you in a tough financial situation. MLC, it´s the "gift" that keeps on giving. Sigh. I can say that when my divorce went through I felt a wave of relief. It does help set a boundary for at least no further financial betrayal. May the longer days of spring bring you walks outside, gardening and bike rides. Mother Nature is on your side.

[WHY]

It’s hard to describe the relief I felt when the divorce was finalized and I was finally on my own. 

Someone here posted the other day that the LBS cannot truly heal with the MLCer constantly in their face. With all that trauma and destruction. I think about that comment every single day.  It is so true. 

Only when I went no contact and was out on my own did I begin to understand the daily mental torture and suffering I was experiencing.   Genuinely.  To say it’s unhealthy is an understatement.  I mean when I was in it I knew it was wrong and the LBS is going through a lot etc.  But finally being out of it…..  being able to think clearer.   wow just wow.  It is not a good thing.   A mind and body is not supposed to live under those prolonged conditions.  And I have so much sympathy for other LBS still in it. 

Look I’m sorry about the W you used to know.  But she is gone. She may never “come back”.  So the sooner you move on / move forward.  The better.  And I just know that things will start to feel better for you.  Heck not being in fight or flight mode 24/7 is such a massive relief I can’t hardly explain it go you.  LBS genuinely experiences such great suffering.  Just know you’re not alone.  And there is light at the end of your tunnel.