[I am curious if anyone elses MLC has wanted to be intimate, and if so, what did you do?]

I am curious if anyone elses MLC has wanted to be intimate, and if so, what did you do?

In the beginning

9 (52.9%)

Never

5 (29.4%)

Occasionially

2 (11.8%)

On memorable occasions

0 (0%)

Always, has never stopped

1 (5.9%)

Total Members Voted: 17

Voting closed: January 25, 2011, 05:36:04 AM

[readytofixmyselffirst]

I love sex and I would rather be having sex with my w right now then pathetically writing about it on my computer. Maybe I am completely stupid, a fool, but I have never ever considered cheating on my wife. Even when I had my lunch with the hot women in LA and LG is a keeper, I still wanted to be with my wife.

I was in Vietnam with my wife and her cousin took me to a massage parlor. A very pretty girl rubbed my back and my feet. She massaged my temples and my hands. Then her hand went under my towel for a massage of another part of my body! I stopped her immediately and pointed at my ring. She looked so shocked. She probably thought I was gay. I could have done nothing and never been caught but I have always been proud of being faithful.

Now that I look back... I am a complete idiot. Stupid, stupid, stupid Ready.

Now my true love is my right hand and even when things go well, the left hand gets jealous....

[Shantilly Lace]

Hmmm I have been trying to word and reword this since i saw it this morning.

I don't advise it.

I have the same streak as LG.
Always proteted now.

Dearheart and I had a very active sex life and so having that removed was an absolute shock to the system.
But I also took pleasure in being the ow. 
Not so much now but it maintains a link with him that he wants to keep going.  At this point I know it will most liekly stop at some point. I have stopped everything else but I do enjoy this.

I don't kid myself about ML it is sex.   But sometimes (and I mean sometimes)  on his behalf he LOOKS at me and truly sees me.  Hadn't happened in along time but i have seen it in the last little while.
do I pin my hopes on it NO, but the attachment is there.

I don't feel guilty about having sex with him, mostly I feel guilty for not feeling guilty 

I wonder why I am so different to others.  But then again I know that I am different and slightly off kilter to most so why not this way as well?

We do what is right for ourselves and what our intuition tells us.
I know he is cake eating but then again so am I.  So I spose it makes me no better.
I will follow my feelings though.  Makes for less confusion LOL


Ready, man, many women would be jealous. LOL and being faithful doesn't make you an idiot.
It makes you a catch

[StandandDeliver]

Hey SL,

I don't think you are so different. If my husband showed any sign of finding me sexually attractive since he was with OW I might find it more confusing. We had sex twice after BD and both times it was awful - I was sure he was thinking about her (which bothered me because I had only known about her for a month at the time) and the whole thing seemed like a massive effort to him.

My H (I discovered) has a whole host of intimacy issues that I was only semi-aware of in our relationship but only came out to the full extent after BD. Over-dependent on porn, scared of initiating sex (was mostly me who did that), the affair made a lot of sense to me in that sense, because OW was this unknown entity who was a fantasy unfolding in the affair (like a porn star, but without the porn star looks  ). Some of our problems may have been exacerbated by our difficulities conceiving D because it is true that it takes a certain spontaneity out of the experience and over a longer period probably can make a man feel that the sex is no longer about him (which was sometimes true because of the necessity of timings etc for conception). Still, I thought that if you loved someone the opportunity to be with them would be pleasing no matter what the circumstances - despite the lack of spontaneity, I always enjoyed it (tmi??). Anyway, with all this baggage I think that this is just another reason his R with OW is doomed, as she becomes more and more "real" and her flaws become evident, and she starts declining sex occasionally, his fantasy will start to fade and he will be faced with real intimacy again, where he has problems. 

I also believe H has serious issues surrounding motherhood. Our sex life took a real nose dive after my first was born (even after I had lost the baby weight and was looking pretty good again) but I always attributed it to tiredness with the broken sleep, job stress and all the other concerns that take over in mid-life.  It plummeted completely during my pgcy with D four years later and that is also when his MLC started to really take hold. His mother has always been an incredibly strong person in his life (and, though lovely in most ways, controlling and to my mind a bit overbearing as a mother - even now, WHENEVER he has a problem he runs to her and she solves it for him and he is almost 36). So I think that when I became a mother and started to fulfil that role, it was almost inevitable that I could not also be his sexual fantasy anymore. Issues, issues, issues. I actually think that this is one of the main issues that if he does not resolve he may not really emerge from MLC, because he has had such a terribly hard time trying to cut the apron strings.

A lot of the stuff I discovered about my H's attitude to sex was that it was very adolescent and, I think, overly romanticised. He hated the idea that sex could be fun - it was "serious" and romantic at all times.

[kappy]

SL. I totally understand you. I do the same. I think even of it's just "no strings attached sex" it still gets to them. I also have had very few times when he's looked at me in the eye during sex and I've seen glimpses of the old H. But again, very few! 

[OldPilot]

Gosh this is a popular thread, 36 posts in 16 hours.
I guess you write the word sex on a friday night and
everyone wants to participate on the thread.

I have not much to add other than to RY, it is very possible that there is no OM
but the OM is more than likely a fantasy that you do not know about.
Does pumpkin read trashy novels, or watch TV shows.
That might be the key there, I am not sure which is worse because it is very difficult to compete
with a fantasy that does not exist IRL.

[limitless]

StandandDeliver,
My H is somewhat the same.
57 and he lives with his mother!
Talk about not cutting the umbilical cord!
I also wonder if he will ever come out of it!
Hope that he can, for his sake.

L

[Synicca]

I agree with LG,

I have had "sex" with H several times in the last 8 months....I think in some ways it is a good thing
for them to connect with us.

H has told me that he has actually said MY name during sex with Ow....HAHAHAHAH!!! Now thats Classic!! 

[Rebel Yell]

OP, nope she doesn't read those novels or watch soaps, very little TV.
She's pretty grounded compared to most MLCers.
Never monster, never had a problem staying in communication with me.
Just needs space to think more than anything.
I think she feels that there's no such thing as true love because I couldn't
make her feel the way she wanted to with out her telling me what she wanted.
I was supposed to read her mind and fill her with joy, well we know how well
THAT works. The good news it now she's better at telling me what she wants.
I've drummed that into her head pretty good.