[I am curious if anyone elses MLC has wanted to be intimate, and if so, what did you do?]

I am curious if anyone elses MLC has wanted to be intimate, and if so, what did you do?

In the beginning

9 (52.9%)

Never

5 (29.4%)

Occasionially

2 (11.8%)

On memorable occasions

0 (0%)

Always, has never stopped

1 (5.9%)

Total Members Voted: 17

Voting closed: January 25, 2011, 05:36:04 AM

[Rebel Yell]

All I can say is I sure hope there was no OM. I don't think there was.
Am I crazy for thinking that by now, if there was I would have found out?

[limitless]

RY,
I don't think you want to know what I think.......

I (also) thought there was no other person.

L

[LoveMeMyself]

I thought the same thing.  It was the very LAST thing I would have believed about my exH.  But, sure enough, I was blown away once I found out!  Never say never!

[Rebel Yell]

I'm not going to hi jack this thread but I'll say this. If I find out there is you'll not hear from RY again.
You all are stronger than me, I couldn't stand any longer. BTW Pumpkin knows this, has always known
this yet she has talked about how much better our relationship is, that it's going the right way......
She would have to think that the secret would have to stay a secret forever. It goes against her grain,
but I know this is MLC. I think I stopped a potential EA at the beginning of her MLC. I think it was
a wake up for her and she did grasp the problem.
I've asked God to let me know the truth and I feel like there isn't one, but if there is, I'll survive, alone.

[LettingGo]

Look, people... most of you are putting the cart before the horse, ya know what I'm sayin'?

If you cannot HANDLE having sex with your husband, then don't do it. I don't recommend it, though I did it myself more than once under entirely different circumstances. I personally have a MEAN streak and deliberately chose to get my husband to cheat on his OW with me once I was able to get his attention through my first 180... it was purely sex, but I knew it would confuse him and make him doubt his "love" for her.... I was 100% correct. I also knew it would cause her to tighten the noose and become controlling, needy and insecure with him. It was DELIBERATE.

I recommend the high road at all times, but some of us, as Shantilly put it, "Look to the stars while we are in the gutter..." LOL!!

Right now, I am willing to have sex with my husband, but it is to ease his mind about a lot of things such as, will we ever be able to get through this, plus, if he isn't seeing OW for two weeks, where will he get his "honey"? I'd rather he be HOME trying to seduce me while she is throwing tantrums and crying her eyes out, possibly meeting someone in revenge or cheating on him. I'm not afraid to admit to certain types of manipulation, but I don't recommend it... you'd better really know what you are doing and be willing to accept the consequences if it doesn't go your way...

For the record, before I knew about OW, he gave me two yeast infections.... I had no idea what to attribute them to other than a change in hormones, though I've only ever had one before in my LIFE....yep.... that clueless about OW...

Because of OW, he has been required to use a condom with me EVERY TIME...no exceptions. He hates them... has difficulty with them... has declined sex because of them.... whatever. He complains, but doesn't try and get me to change my mind. No exceptions and he gets why.

Several weeks ago, ON HIS OWN, after proclaiming he would get tested to prove to me he was clean.... he actually got tested for STDs. He is clean, which griped me because I would LOVE for OW to have given him something that was treatable and not forever.... instead, he got to  proclaim that "see, she's not a bad person.". Anyway, I still made him use a condom because I knew he wasn't done with her, though he was "trying" to be.

My advice is, you probably shouldn't have sex with your husband as it can muddy the water, but if you are going to, condom use until you say otherwise.

My husband will have to be OW free for a looooooooooong time and THEN get tested before he goes without a raincoat. I have told him I RESENT the fact that I cannot have "regular" sex with my own husband because he's involved with a skank ho... he is starting to resent her for it as well, though the onus is really on him.

Treat your husband the same way you would treat anyone you were dating these days... yep... condom.

[Sideways]

Sex....................
sex?.....................
Sex.....................
sex? ...............
What?
 I  said SSSSEEEXXX...
What?
Ohhh..........................
WHaaat?
SEX!
OHHHH!
I do not recall.............

[limitless]

Rebel,
I hope that this isn't the situation for you.  I really do.
I think Women and Men see infidelity differently.
Women are tied to their spouses in many ways - not just physically.  Women, for the most part, are more emotional than men.  And, if I can remember correctly (it's been so long) - sex is probably one of the most intimate, emotional experiences (can be, I think).  Maybe I should say Making Love.
For Men, who are not, for the most part, emotional.  I believe that it is during the act of Making Love (sex) where men (can) become emotionally tied to their spouse. 
My H was not an emotional person.  (at least he USED to not be - who knows now?)

So, when a husband cheats - the wife sees other aspects of her husband that bind her to him.  (Don't get me wrong - the wife is upset, hurt, etc.).  In many instances, the wife is emotionally, financially, etc. connected to her husband.

When a wife cheats - the strongest emotional bond she had with her husband is broken.  (Again, I am speaking in generalities).

Thus, a woman is more apt to "forgive" a philandering husband - while a man (even if he has cheated himself) finds it very hard to "forgive" or get over the fact that his wife physically cheated on him.

While I can't stand the idea of my H having had a PA with his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend - I can honestly say that the fact that he shared intimate details regarding our marriage, me, his feelings, etc. with both of these two women hurts me more - than that he had a PA.

Or the honest truth is that men are just that shallow and cannot get past infidelity.

I'm only kidding about the shallow part.  So, no 2 x 4's my way - please.....

This is just my humble (very humble) opinion.

L

[LettingGo]

Well put, Laursecan..... when are you moving closer to me?

[Tsunami]

I've thought back over the many times H told me about some of the men on his crew; as soon as they hit a port most of them are anxious to get off the sub they head straight to the bar, then to the ow houses.  H use to tell me how much it upset him seeing some of the married men acting like the single guys.

With that in mind, I want to believe H has higher morals than to have an affair; but then again, sorry guys, he is a man too.  With his ED issues over the 18 years we have been married, I have now convinced myself his issues are all in his head; a by product of low self-esteem.

Speaking with my counselor about this, she didn't seem to think he would have the nerve to have sex with someone either, because of this issue.  Our thoughts were it would be very embarrassing for a man not to get his ding ding up with someone new.

Okay DGU, RY, CH, OP and Ready...pitch in here.  I did not intend to insult any of you about the man comment, but be honest, you guys do think about it a lot more than we do, it's human nature.

[Rebel Yell]

I can go 17 or 18 seconds without thinking about it.