[SpecialK]

My ex was touch and go just over 2 years.  He'd call, come over, take me out for dinner, be very affectionate - like we were still a couple - put money in my account etc.  Then he meet Miss Wales now he's a vanisher

[trusting]

It seems that many MLCers distance further around the two year mark.  I am not sure why this is, other than they hit that dark part of the tunnel with no light at either end.  It seems like many LBS notice that there are fewer touch and goes and less cycling after that point, at least until they get closer to the end.

[Anjae]

Think the reason is really what you said, trusting, many MLCers hit the darker part at the two years mark. I had several touch & goes from Mr J until nearly the 2 years Mark. Once he even come by to see me (using a lame excuse), then, late 2007, he star buying me records and magazines and send them from the capital. When OW1 was no more he wanted me to be his "girlfriend" and go clubbing with him.

Enter OW2 and nearly 2 years mark and the touch and goes pass to occasionally me receiving his professional newsletter, usually when he considered he had achieved a big success. No touch & go in a long time.

[theheartknows]

   17 mos since H moved out. Saw Monster today....big-time! H mad because he is living with a hellish situation at his Mom's and is still supporting our home. I expected this to come eventually but there were a couple of things that concern me about it.

      First of all, his anger over things that happened years ago was as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. Granted, I never knew he was angry about them until BD, but still he has had 17 mos to think it threw and it seems like nothing has been processed. How does one stay so biter...rehearsing it over and over? Do they ever just stay stuck here?
   
     Also, besides being even more martyrish than ever, he was really making things up in his rewriting. I would consider them lies, but he seemed convinced. I couldn't tell if he was trying to make me feel crazy or if he believed them. I responded by telling him that was not he way I remembered things but he bullied me by not letting me get a word in edgewise. Do they really believe these rewritings? What is the best way to deal with these twisted interpetations when you hear them? It is difficult not to want to defend yourself when falsely accused!

[Musica]

THK ... one way to deal with monster ... I'm sorry you feel that way, I remember things differently ... I have got to go and do .... whatever! ... i.e. leave the conversation, there's no winning with monster. Defending yourself is futile at that time.

Write it all down and keep it for a time when he may be receptive in the future. xxxx

[trusting]

Do they really believe these rewritings?

Yes, while they are in crisis they do.  It is exasperating but there is no arguing with them or convincing them otherwise.

[Stillpraying]

Sadly, from experience I agree with the above comments.  Detaching is the key.

[SpecialK]

Detaching, letting go and taking the focus off them and onto you.  It's hard, it's painful and takes time.   But when you get there it feels great 

xx

[Madmax]

I know there are other threads about this and I've read through them, but I'm still a little confused.  When MLCers begin to emerge and are doing touch and gos, are we supposed to be supportive or is this when we make an ultimatum.  If we are supportive, then are we going to make them complacent and more likely to get stuck?

Answered on your thread - OldPilot

[OldPilot]

New thread

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3658.0