[OldPilot]

To all,

The previous thread had grown to 18 pages.

Here is RCR's original post, from the previous thread, on the purpose and use of this discussion topic.

Discuss away!

previous threads:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2738.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2220.0

The Mentor Team has been discussing things we can do to improve the Mentor Program. We are kicking a few ideas around the brainstorm and this thread is one of the best ideas. I don't know how it will evolve and so this will be a test for the first little bit.

Post links to your threads or to information on another thread if they are relevant. If something goes off tangent, we may split those posts away into a Topic thread--nothing wrong with that, it's how some topics get started!
Edit: I think it may also be a good idea if you are responding to Start your post with the Reply # and Display Name from the post to which you are responding. I suggest you include the Display Name because we might come through and clean up unnecessary posts from time-to-tim and the Reply# will then change. If you are posting a new question, say that at the beginning.

So your opening will liook like one of these two things:
Replay# X, Kikki
OR
New Question


It will give an opportunity for you to interact with someone other than your assigned mentor and to  have quick questions asked--maybe like an FAQ. It may also be a good way to let a mentor know that you need attention. The mentors also liked it because they can pop-in quickly and look here to see if any matters are pressing.

I would also like to come up with a better system to match mentors to mentees. Now, though I sometimes notice a fit, I usually go down the list and see who has the fewest mentees and assign that way--not very personal.   So this may or may not help newbies get to know each mentor's style--we will see.

Either way, I'm excited about it!
So ask away...
I may edit this introduction as we tinker with this thread direction.

[calamity]

Help.  Can someone go to Garden's thread & advise on 'liminality'.  Not sure if I have the wrong end of the stick or tunnel. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3266.new#lastPost

[Niek]

I have a question.

My H looks completely normal these days. Monster is gone, projections are gone, his crazy behavior has gone, next month he is going to Italy with our girls. But he is still living with OW and I don't see any signs of him having insight in his FOO or whatever caused his MC.
Last night he told me a story about a woman who went completely mad one day to another and was hospitalized for that, and how terrible that was for her and her husband. I was flabbergasted. Is it possible that they don't remember a thing of what they have done??? For about two years we had been dealing with all his craziness, and now he doesn't remember a thing??? Moreover he finished the conversation by stating that he is having a fantastic life at the moment (which I know is not true).
If this is really true, and he doesn't remember anything anymore, it would mean that this is it I guess and that Standing is no longer an option.
Does anybody recognizes this???

[OldPilot]

Is it possible that they don't remember a thing of what they have done???

Absolutely, it is perfect;y normal for them not to remember anything that has happened .
They were stuck in the FOG.
Sounds like he still is in the FOG although maybe it has changed and shifted from the previous two years.

For about two years we had been dealing with all his craziness, and now he doesn't remember a thing??? Moreover he finished the conversation by stating that he is having a fantastic life at the moment (which I know is not true).
If this is really true, and he doesn't remember anything anymore, it would mean that this is it I guess and that Standing is no longer an option.
Does anybody recognizes this???

No - STANDING is always an option.
He is still in REPLAY and it is morphing and changing, why does this make YOU want to stop STANDING?
You can still not believe anything he says or more than likely anything he does.

Remember that they must go down every single cheesless tunnel searching for the one that will bring them happiness.
When in reality they forget to just look at themselves.

STANDING is for YOU!

[stayed]

I second every word OP said.  STANDING is for you Niek... let yourself heal.  Leave him to his crisis.  Stand until you don't want to stand, not because you figure he isn't EVER going to return to you. 

Hugs Stayed

[Niek]

Thanks OP and Stayed. Sometimes I forget that he is in MLC, that I shouldn't believe a word of what he is saying.

[stayed]

Lol, I have my doubts you EVER FORGET he is in CRISIS... HEHEHE.   Although it is very similar to being the biggest jerk on the face of the earth... so I could be wrong about that.. hehehe. 

Stand for yourself girl.  What your h is doing, done, going to do, is not the factor that should determine whether you continue to stand or not.

Hugs Stayed

[Niek]

Lol, I have my doubts you EVER FORGET he is in CRISIS... HEHEHE.

Ha ha ha. You are right. LOL

[iamnottheenemy]

Re:  Reply #7, Just Getting Stronger by Iamnottheenemy

Hi, I'd like to ask anyone and everyone to drop by my thread to give me advice, comments, suggestions on an e-mail.

H sent me a big "thinky" e-mail about two weeks ago, so I have the opportunity to plant some seeds in reply.

We are nine months post-BD.

Thanks!

IANTE

[Duthla]

Hi!
I read on here once some tips in talking with the MLCer. Rather than using "I" statements, it listed a bunch of "you" statements. Purpose being that MLCers don't care what you think/feel. 
Could someone link me to that please? Being a therapist myself, I'm always advocating for "I" statements and use them myself regularly.
Gotta get new skillz!
Thanks!