To anyone with prior experience, I have a question about beginning the legal separation process. My W has retained the services of a lawyer and put together a boilerplate, cookie-cutter separation agreement (everything split 50/50, including custody, house, assets). When I reviewed this document a couple months back, I told my W "no f@#$ing way" I was agreeing to this! I felt that we were so far apart on this! I've had my life ripped apart and the children are suffering immensely from her actions and selfishness and W wants to make this as simple as possible to alleviate her pain and suffering! I don't think so! 
I would first and foremost get the advice of a lawyer on the agreement, and then retain him or her once things start rolling, if you feel that is in our best interest. I would guard you from thinking the legal system will help make you and your girls emotionally whole from this, that is not its job, but usually there is a degree of feeling better once you are represented. I feel we don't realize the intensity of the anxiety we experience waiting for the D shoe to drop until we don't have it anymore. Plus, if your MLCer has no financial integrity, this can help protect your family's assets.
Last week I received basically the same letter from her lawyer again about meeting to discuss the separation of assets. I have asked my W numerous time to openly explain to our D's what she is doing and why. I understanding W can't explain why (MLC) but she keeps stalling to do this. I want my D's to hear from W why she is planning on working in another state when she states the the children are her most important thing.
She is stalling because that's what MLCers do, but I don't think forcing it will have the effect you hope it will. She has no remorse right now, maybe not even overt guilt, so telling your girls something from her"MLC brain" about how she's going off to be happy without them will probably only serve to hurt them more and do nothing for her or her crisis. My advice would be to let this be.
I particularly don't want to begin the legal process, because I feel in my heart deep down that once I begin this legal proceeding, I will quickly make it a business transaction, taking all the emotions out and thus my feelings for my W will dissolve rapidly. I do believe that I will use every means possible to get what legally I deserve, not for greed but if this is how she wants to move forward, then there will be a price to pay for the actions.
It will and it won't. I've found more detachment since my H filed and I hired representation. I've benefited from having it in place because he's made bad financial moves since then that I won't be held accountable for. And it is, for the most part, a business transaction - I can attest that the emotions I do have are very separate and non-dependent on whether or marriage is legally ended or not. The benefits, for me, emotionally, have outweighed the negatives, and still not ended my stand. My L did explain to me that the courts aim to make things equitable, not punish my H, so keep in mind that you can request what you want, but that's probably more of a starting point in negotiating than where it may end up.
My question is should I wait for W to discuss the plans with my D's proving that she truly wants to move things in this direction before agreeing to meeting with lawyers to discuss the separation. Things around our house are amicable but I try to be as far away as possible during non-family time (dinners, activities). I feel this way W will be the one initiating things if she truly wants to proceed that way. There are signs that she may be blackmailed and manipulated by OM to speed up the process. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated and here's to everyone coming out of this period in their lives in a better place! 
No doubt in my mind OM is steering the ship, and that's probably a big reason she doesn't want to make the commitment verbally to the girls. My H's OW is the one who forced him to file, too. It was 14 months post BD, he signed the papers on a day she was in town (and probably with him), even though he had supposedly had this L on retainer for over a month and was hardcore stalling picking up the information he needed from our home in order to get the ball rolling. Since I delivered the Discovery paperwork in November, there has been no movement in my case (in my state, it only takes 60 days to get in front of a judge). His mail still comes here - even new stuff, though he doesn't pick it up. They are just broken, controlled puppets at this point, who are afraid of pulling the plug for good.
My advice, and I have no children so this just comes from a place of gut feeling - consult an L to know what to expect should things move forward, keep doing the great job you're doing for all of your girls (including your W, who you are handling remarkably by giving her the space she needs), and trust the process with what she lets the girls know - don't hold it over her head unless you want it to be uglier. That remorse that you're looking for, if it is going to come, will be down the road. {{{hugs}}}
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