[Niek]

The MLCer has made the LBS the enemy, projecting all of their self-hatred and anger onto us.

Is true. My H once was yelling at me: 'I was the love of your life, and now I am your biggest enemy.'

Talking about projection.

[Slow Fade]

Is it normal MLC (wow, is that ever a contradiction in terms!) for an MLC'r to have grandiose visions of what they want to do? My H wants (and thinks he can get to) the top of a profession that has never been a career for him. AND he wants to START at the top and not at the bottom.......is this part of looking for the ONE thing that will make him happy?

[Ready2Transform]

Is it normal MLC (wow, is that ever a contradiction in terms!) for an MLC'r to have grandiose visions of what they want to do? My H wants (and thinks he can get to) the top of a profession that has never been a career for him. AND he wants to START at the top and not at the bottom.......is this part of looking for the ONE thing that will make him happy?

This is a big part of it, and very much proof of crisis.  Hoss went from running a multimedia company with me, to starting a guitar repair shop, to becoming an insurance salesman, to now being a trailer mechanic (if he still does that) - all in less than two years.  His 'big dream' now is to be a farmer.    Before, it was rock star.  Several times in between there have been other little "mini career aspirations" within his reenacting, like being an old timey tailor, running a gentlemen's accoutrement shop, blacksmithing, gun building, etc.  I got me a "dreamer".

My advice is to validate that this is his dream, whatever it is (no doubt it is outlandish and takes no consideration to a 3-5 year start-up time for anything, even in the best of situations, or the responsibilities and skills he currently already has).  But safeguard funds and set boundaries where your couple assets or lifestyle could be laid on the line for this, because in my experience, odds are very, very good that this "dream" will change within 6 months, once the high from having "the solution to his problems" starts to fade. 

[Slow Fade]

Thank you R2T. Its comforting to know that he is still following script. He wants to be the Fire Chief.  I validated his ideas and plans as they don't put our finances or lifestyle at risk. We shall see. He is ticking off the search for happiness.

OW. Check, No satisfaction there
Left family. Check. No happiness there.
New friends. Check. Hmmmm, not working
New job. Check. Not satisfied with that either.
Turning back on God. Check. not sure how that's working for him right now.

I think the only thing that is keeping him from becoming a vanisher is our S10. He is still maintaining a R with him as best as he can.

[kikki]

I'd just like to add to the conversation, about the grandiosity of the MLC ego.
My H is creative in his work, and has always been very modest about it all.
At BD, the egocentricity that poured from him was extreme. 
It was very shocking and troubling.  A complete 180 of who he had been.

It has taken a long while - but his ego seems to be well in check again these days, most of the time. 

[Filled with faith and hope]

Can somebody explain this? My aunt with a previous MLCer many years ago told me this, according to my uncle "The responsibility and the promises he made to the weak and needy OW kept pullng him back though deep inside his heart,he desperately wants to come home making him stayed longer than he wanted to."He said he looked around and he saw my aunt, his wife very strong and so he felt responsible to the weak and helpless OW. I dont want to confide so much with my relatives even though they go through the same with this, I know they are hurt and actually they told me , seeing this happened to me again, this is so hard to watch, though they should understand my H, it's still hard and painful.

sometimes I get what he said, sometimes not. This mess extremely painful for me and my two young boys plus another child is involved, its not the OW only. God helped me.

More power to my fellow LBS.

[kikki]

I've just been reading through Eternity's Coaching thread.  RCR explains this well there.

The coaching archives are also on the subscribers boards. 

Hope this helps 

[Filled with faith and hope]

Thank you Kikki. I will read there .

[ehill]

I have a question. What are the signs that an MLCer is starting to exit the tunnel? I know everyone is different but would just like to know if there are things in their behavior that would be a sign.

[Anjae]

I'd just like to add to the conversation, about the grandiosity of the MLC ego.
My H is creative in his work, and has always been very modest about it all.
At BD, the egocentricity that poured from him was extreme. 
It was very shocking and troubling.  A complete 180 of who he had been.

Same for Mr J. He turned into a walking over extreme ego. Phew...

"The responsibility and the promises he made to the weak and needy OW kept pullng him back though deep inside his heart,he desperately wants to come home making him stayed longer than he wanted to."He said he looked around and he saw my aunt, his wife very strong and so he felt responsible to the weak and helpless OW.

Haven’t read Eternity's Coaching thread but I think this is not far from the truth:
The wife is very strong, she does not need him. Needy, weak OW, need him. Also, straong wife may not want messed up, weak MLCer but the needy, weak OW does not mind.

I have a question. What are the signs that an MLCer is starting to exit the tunnel? I know everyone is different but would just like to know if there are things in their behavior that would be a sign.

Leaving behind replay behaviour and friends, start to look more openly depressed, start to be able to see what they have done. Even if just a little bit of the mess they have caused.

Your BD was short for MLC time frame. It is unlikely your husband is already coming out of his tunnel but it may happen.