Skip to main content

Author Topic: Discussion How affairs start in Mid Life Crisis ... Unbelievable .

h
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2901
  • Gender: Male
Yeah it's pretty damn stressful being married for sure. Lot of emotional work always going on underneath isn't there , even in the really relaxed sort of thing we had . Your still subconsciously always seem to be trying to pat at the right times and a million other things , worrying you missed something that's gonna hit the fan.

One thing about not being married now , l got so much more emotional head space and free feel . Sometimes l look at other couples end see all the usual stuff shining through and think hmm , this ain't so bad.   8)
  • Logged
Together 19yrs
BD, 2012
Divorce 16mths later

L
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 718
  • Gender: Female
I only read a couple of these, and to be honest, I respect all your pain, but the stories are laugh-out-loud funny when you are past the stage of wading in your own drool...  Init, you made me laugh, so I thought for the sake of posterity, I would add mine...

My EX's OW was a teacher when she had her affair with her first husband who was her married principal...  They married and had two kids.  Ten year later, I am not sure what happened in their marriage, but I know she cheated--a lot... Our son was diagnosed with cancer and she was trolling, and gave my husband all the support he needed and I didn't...  Yup, he said that, idiot, um, I was a bit preoccupied with saving our son, but apparently my priorities were misplaced...  She was everything I never could be (not sure what that was exactly, but the fact that she still golfed and loved watching SportsCenter was a big part of it, apparently, honesty, faithfulness and dedication to his kids were not important factors...), and she NEEDED him, and I didn't.  So, he left and married her before I even knew we were divorced...  The fact that he is now her boss means she has moved up the food chain, and I expect that in five years, before her pretty runs out, she will find another knight to help her along as my ex becomes eligible for social security and she still wants to have fun (that 15-year age difference will start to magnify)... 

In the meantime, hawk, new relationships, post-MLC can be amazing.  If you decide to try, there is a LOT of joy when you find someone who TRULY loves you, BECAUSE of what you have been through... Love and light all, ll
  • Logged
« Last Edit: April 25, 2015, 07:10:54 PM by LisaLives »
The best thing about banging your head against the wall for so long is that it feels so good when you finally stop...

BD 1/16/10
D Final 7/21/11
exH married OW the next week and moved across the country to be with her... 

LL CHOSE to live happily ever after...

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4503
  • Gender: Female

I only read a couple of these, and to be honest, I respect all your pain, but the stories are laugh-out-loud funny when you are past the stage of wading in your own drool...  Init, you made me laugh, so I thought for the sake of posterity, I would add mine...

My EX's OW was a teacher when she had her affair with her first husband who was her married principal...  They married and had two kids.  Ten year later, I am not sure what happened in their marriage, but I know she cheated--a lot... Our son was diagnosed with cancer and she was trolling, and gave my husband all the support he needed and I didn't...  Yup, he said that, idiot, um, I was a bit preoccupied with saving our son, but apparently my priorities were misplaced...  She was everything I never could be (not sure what that was exactly, but the fact that she still golfed and loved watching SportsCenter was a big part of it, apparently, honesty, faithfulness and dedication to his kids were not important factors...), and she NEEDED him, and I didn't.  So, he left and married her before I even knew we were divorced...  The fact that he is now her boss means she has moved up the food chain, and I expect that in five years, before her pretty runs out, she will find another knight to help her along as my ex becomes eligible for social security and she still wants to have fun (that 15-year age difference will start magnify)... 

In the meantime, hawk, new relationships, post-MLC can be amazing.  If you decide to try, there is a LOT of joy when you find someone who TRULY loves you, BECAUSE of what you have been through... Love and light all, ll
When I hear stories like this, I always wonder how the MLCer can look at himself in the mirror. Does he just not keep any mirrors around? Mind blowing.....
  • Logged
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12165
  • Gender: Female
I have no f*cking idea how they look at themselves in a mirror..I'd be so disgusted and ashamed of myself I don't think I could. They are a poor excuse for a human being I can tell you that much.

I really do think ALL they are banking on is those of you who still feel sorry for them...they  feel sorry enough for themselves. Why JOIN THEM?? You can't fix them.

 Ask yourself if the history of the relationship is really worth the time it will take for them to GROW UP.

Once you get a perspective it is just about the most ridiculous thing you could ever imagine. You can not make this $hit up!

Threatens my life divorces me
Moves exow into the family home two weeks after the divorce was final which took 4 months.

BEFORE he moves her in she sells her house in 9 days. He realizes he can't move her in that fast. Bought an RV and the stupid b*tch lived in that for a summer with two cats and a dog. Tells her he'll marry her then changes his mind..tells her over the phone he won't.

He moves her in ANYWAY.She's in the house about 2 months. The kids refuse to see him. He finds a house for her. In the meantime she rips off an elderly woman who's house she was cleaning.(She tells him the old woman put a bag full of jewelry in the garbage  ::))

He finds out she's talking to other guys. She breaks up with him once she's in her own house.

He sets her up with the stolen jewelry and has her busted. Testifies againest her and she gets convicted .

That's just part ONE. ALL of that happened in 6 months time.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: April 25, 2015, 09:28:10 PM by in it »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

S
  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6482
  • Gender: Female
  • Strength and honour are her clothing;
New discussion thread please if you want this to continue.
  • Logged
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017.
Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.

O
  • *
  • MLCer Type: Vanisher
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 342
  • Gender: Female
Yes Hawk,  the books were a red flag.  Soon after I realized what might be going on with my H and his newly found teenage behavior, I found a receipt for a book about How To Deal With Guilt...and the workbook to go with it.   A workbook on guilt?  You've got to be kidding me!!  I never saw that book in our house.  I guess he took it to work to hide it as it was a large book.

In It,  I agree with everything that you said in post #153!!!!  I also heard the typical: You never Respected ME!!  What?  as well as everything else that you mentioned...and he treated our son terribly also.  I found this site and figured out what was going on in his Narcissistic head!!  OW (ex high school GF) had been single for 30 years and had no children; he now has all of her attention...all of her manipulating attention.   But, she cannot cook so now he has to do that also (he never did before) when he comes home at 7 or 8 at night.  LOL, funny how things turn out sometimes isn't it?   
  • Logged
OceanLady
Me 59
H   57
S15, now S20, came home end of 6/15.
M   6/1994 (only marriage)
BD1 12/08 He told me to leave the house for no reason.  I did not leave my house or family.
BD2 3/10 he asked for a D
BD3 4/10 H filed for the D
BD4 5/10 H flew 1400 miles to see OW
BD5 6/10 he walked out w/OW in  tow
Divorce final Feb. 2013

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12165
  • Gender: Female
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Yeah it is pretty funny how things turn out..

And l give me something TOO respect and I might.

I must say I am a little impressed the ex hasn't made any kind of contact ..guess he isn't ready to go to jail yet. ::)
  • Logged
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.