[bipolared]

I think they do feel unworthy.  It is also a handy excuse for doing what they do to us.  My H insists that he didn't matter, that I hated him before BD, even though I was practically begging him to spend time with me.  My reality and his seemed to be completely different.

[barbiedoll]

WOW!  I am so glad I wrote about my husband swearing that "I did not love him" and that was the "trigger " ( one of the) for his MLC behavior . Again, in 16 months of entensive therapy and endless discussions ( including last night ) .. he will NOT and has NOT changed from this perception. Very true ... his perception of what happened and mine are 100% different . I was furious ( initially ) every single time he said it , because to me it was total BU&&SH&T!. Enraged for months because to me .. a ridiculous lie and excuse to screw the OW . It is not at all what happened .. we all know the begging , crying , I love you  blah blah puek blah , that we all did ? I did it too . I even wrote a letter to him . There is NO WAY he could have "unclear" that I did love him and I was absolutely committed to the marriage . ( starting to frigggggging get angry again, just typing this ) BUT he insists ( as f-ing crazy as that is.. he felt (his words ) " you were done with me, you saw me as broken, i could not do ANYTHING right ( even at work) , you did not love me anymore , you "settled" for me , you did not like my body () , you tolerated me for years, i could not make you HAPPY (  a million times ), You could not love me liked i needed because you really did NOT love me , " and on and on . This is what he thought no matter what i said , begged , wrote etc... so there is the proof that they hear NOTHING you say . My husband said that no matter what I said " it was turned into an angry negative instantly in his brain". He felt ZERO ZERO emotional connection to me or his kids , his family , his job, committments .. nothing . He was empty . He only felt anger and negative input etc . He says , he felt ZERO emotional connection to the OW .. he was not  capable . The tramp that she is made him feel " she was so happy to see him , he was perfect , she gushed appreciation over a 7 dollar bottle of wine , asked no questions and just smiled and wanted to be with him . He could "make someone happy ". She was appreciative , did not judge him, told him he was a "rock solid family man " ( as she boinked my married man ... rock solid ) WTH? . She was as mental and  delusional as he was . Seems reality started to creep in on my "rock solid man "... and here we are 16 months later still fighting to survive and put broken hearts back together . Ih, just want to add one more crazy statement ( to me ) . In counselling ( recently ) he has figured some things out with his own therapist . I will say , my husband is proufoundly shocked at what he did . He goes to his therapist because he needs to know WHY this happened and that it will never happen again . He is deeply committed to learning about himself and rebuilding this marriage ... of that I am 100% positive . So, anyway , he now has "dug" a little deeper with his therapist . He believes  (yuk.. this is hard ) that sex was just another way to "make her happy ". Sex meant nothing at all to him, barely remembers and she absolutely was sexually agressive and clearly "expected sex", so he had sex . I walked out of therapy ... I still have huge issues with many many things . This is re-building after the horror of MLC men .

[toomanytearss]

Mine also said I didn't love him, that nothing he did made me happy.  So untrue.  Every night when he came home from work, just that mad me happy.  He also told me before he left he only thinks negative thoughts of me and the kids. 

[Lanzo]

 Hi Barbidoll,

". Sex meant nothing at all to him, barely remembers and she absolutely was sexually agressive and clearly "expected sex", so he had sex . I walked out of therapy ... I still have huge issues with many many things . This is re-building after the horror of MLC men .

This is why there is no way for a reconciliation with me and  my xW,  everything that she had told me was disgusting about sex I later found out she had done with different OM, she even captured it on tape for me to later find.

I don't have issues but this was apparently her working through hers.


Lanzo

[bipolared]

Mine also said I didn't love him, that nothing he did made me happy.  So untrue.  Every night when he came home from work, just that mad me happy.  He also told me before he left he only thinks negative thoughts of me and the kids.

That made me think of how pretty much every day I would meet H at the door, or sometimes at his van when he drove up.  Yet I was tired of him and didn't pay attention to him. 
It is interesting that you all are mentioning the kids.  H has never really said anything directly but I kept feeling that he resented them as well as me sometimes and I was thinking, "WTH?  These are your children!".

[in it]

Yep..accused me of putting him on the "back burner"

 I yelled:

"Are you talking about the kids?!" He shut right up.

Raising decent human beings is hard work.

The ex told me all I ever meant to him was sex...and I believe that.

 When he and I were married his dinner was on the table at 5 every night and I took care of everything else.

 He thought he was a paycheck. He did and bought whatever he wanted and he still wasn't happy..

What do you have to do in order to have someone find any value in something other than money?

It's not our job to make someone else happy.

[hawk]

Mine also said she can't make me happy.
She said no matter what she does but then , she'd been as slack as anything with us for 4yrs , it was as if most of the time us was the last thing on her mind . That's the main reason l got distant in the first place.

And when l explained all that and that she has always just automatically made me happy just being herself normally , she wouldn't hear any of it . lt was so hair taring out frustrating , knowing she was about to destroy our marriage and my daughters family rather than think about what l tried to say .

[Kat0465]

Ok, I was going to add my 2 cents. But after reading all these posts. Thers no reason to.

Mine said exactly the SAME DAMN THING! How is this possible, that all theses MLCers are having the exact same psychosis, brain disorder, insanity, stupid, crazy ass crisis???

It just gets weirder and weirder...... I wantbo stand, I want to think this is going to get better. And I'm almost 2 years in.! The only thing a little different is he's connecting a little with his kids. Very little, but at least something.

I thought that was supposed to be progress......then I find out he's about to vacation with the OW........... Nice .    So sick of it!! 

[in it]

  I don't know Kat0465  but your post cracked me up!!

I have no idea how they come up with the same damn phrases..

If he's with and OW drop the rope, let go, get mad enough to have had ENOUGH and start NC immediately.

[Kat0465]

In it,
The rope has been dropped a while now.. Although he thinks he does me a solid every( or almost every ) morning. With a God bless you,have a good day" text. Ughh.

No phone calls, nothing. Unless its about finances or kids.but I dont bother to tell him squat about kids anymore. They are grown. If he wants to know, he can ask. But dosent!

Daughter thinks he's not seeing the OW. Boy if she only knew, he's about to fly the coop for a week with that trash!
I have to bite my tongue about in half not to tell her.. We try not to talk much about her dad. It's o upsetting to both of us.

Crazy still buys me Christmas, and birthday presents. Don't know what that's about, maybe it makes the guilt less. Who the hell knows anymore!!