[kikki]

I just lost it this morning when I got home from dropping them all of and sobbed and sobbed.  Haven't done that in a while.  Now I'm ready to pick myself up and get to being the best parent I can be.

SP - I completely understand how you feel.  Seems to overwhelm me most when I am at my most tired.  Hope you're managing to take good care of yourself (well, as much as possible in the middle of this anyway  )

[Stillpraying]

Thanks Rookie and Kikki,
Yes, it is good to get the help I need here. (Even if I'm hijacking some elses thread to get it )

Friends and family just say "pull your head in" and "get on with it" or " be the best parent" etc.  I think it's so easy for them to say that and then walk off.  They don't realise how much we need real tangible bits of advice or help.  Not just lip service.  I'm getting this from some family.  These are their nephews and neice and yet they don't want to be involved.

Thanks again,
Hugs,
SP

[Rookie13]

SP, you are so correct on the family/friend thing. It does seem easy for them to give their .02 and walk away. Maybe they think we have coodies! Lol and will infect them and their marriage! Lol. And your correct also that they don't realize that we do need their help and some solid advice. The care and concern does seem to be on the thin side. I just think that if they kinda sorta ignore our problem/sitch that it will eventually go away for them! 

I have a big family, 7 brothers and 3 sisters! We are close, A few of them will/have listened and validated, the others try to ignore my sitch. I think it pains them some to see me ( now saw me) in pain and separated from my little kids and her running off the way she did. They all liked my ex and all of a sudden she's gone! Nobody see's this coming. One minute our family and friends think we have a great marriage and the next poof! gone, BD on them too!

I think in honesty they have really no idea how to react. MY mother was soooo angry at her that she told me "to find another woman, that will show her!" LOL   I said "yeah Ma, that will fix everything!" Lol

I tried thinking if I was there for 2 of my brothers who were divorced by their wives ( they were in their late 20's and early thirty's when their wives left and both of them had better relationships with their drinking buddies than their wives, so i wasn't shocked by it) but i thought back to then and I remembered that I could not feel their pain, therefore I could not relate.

I feel everybody's pain here and can relate and have an understanding with all here! The sensitivity and caring here is unmatched by any family member or friend.  For some reason, I feel, we even have to show our family and friends we are strong.

[Stillpraying]

Rookie,
Well said.
I am the eldest of 5.
2 live interstate and it's my brother and brother in-law who are interstate that I would love to be near the kids here.  They are the role models I am lookings for, for my boys.
The 2 brother's in law here have not taken an interest.  One has no kids and the other two older girls (18 and 20) so it's not like they are snowed under with their own.
My youngest sister has been an angel.  She is always available to chat and has come over to help me quite a bit.  Can't complain about her.  My other sister seems to have a range of excuses.  I have even asked if I could visit her and her husband one Sunday afternoon while H had the kids but she said no, as they were dealing with her H having quit his job and looking for another .
She herself had an affair years ago but they stayed married.  No counseling though and she's even wondered why I took the kids to counseling.  I think she has her won issues and doesn't want to acknowledge mine or like you say be too involved.
I've also noticed other people at church not talk to me any more.  I don't talk about H any more unless they ask but they do avoid now.
Atleast here we have friends who do understand!  Yay for that!!!
Hugs,
SP

New thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2243