[Velika]

I looked up this thread again as I am now in this position as well. I had been warned about this by my lawyer and so was prepared when he told me. I felt this was 100 percent predictable.

I am curious how this goes, but reading through, it sounds like it can go a lot of different ways, just as with any MLC. I would caution anyone, though, about discussing the baby with the MLCer. I was told not to do this, and it has helped me a lot emotionally — despite his attempts to engage me in a discussion (and OW's attempts to contact me).

I would be interested from others who have gone through this to know how a baby can affect the MLC trajectory. Can it shock them out of it? Does it mark the beginning of the end of replay? Does the MLCer get more sucked into his other life? How does this impact his relationship with existing children?

By the way, an interesting article about pregnant affair partners by Andrew Marshal, who has some excellent books on infidelity and relationships:
http://andrewgmarshall.com/my-husband-cheated-and-had-a-child/

[Adnyl]

Although still not divorced......

The first baby with the OW is 22 months. The next one is due any day. My MLCER has never looked baby. It seems the first one trapped him and now the second one has locked him in.

I'd love to hear stories about coming back and saving a marriage after 2 kids. But it seems my H has truly moved on.

[Velika]

Adnyl, I'm so sorry. Have you filed?

I read through your story a little, and I'm so sorry. I can't imagine knowing the OW is living in my own home.

Do you have the ability to initiate the divorce yourself and move away? This sounds like such a painful situation, one you certainly don't deserve.

Big hug to you.💛

[Adnyl]

Thank you.

Yes, just like many of us, it's a pain we never imagined and wonder when it will end.

My H filed 3 years ago. We have signed an agreement. Unfortunately due to this divorce and my financial difficulties,  I had to file for bankruptcy, along wirh working 3 jobs. The divorce can't be finalized until all my debts are discharged. It will happen by the end of the year.

Then I imagine, just when we should be celebrating our 25th, he and OW will be celebrating baby #2.

I keep thinking at his age, he should have so many regrets about a new family. I keep thinking the karma bus should have stopped for them long ago. But nope....he is moving happily along in our house, with our neighbors, redoing things I always wanted to, going on vacations, buying her new cars...and it goes on and on.

[Velika]

Adnyl, I'm so sorry. It doesn't seem right that things would end so unequally in a divorce where the couple had been married for so long.

If there is any way possible, try not to find out too much about him. It will make you feel worse, and there is nothing you can do about it, unfortunately.

Big hug.💛

[gimlan]

Big hugs to those of you who are going through this! It was hard for me even though I had already decided not to stand. I have moved on and reached acceptance about the new situation -- and I'm happier in my life and new R than I can remember ever having been. I feel for you and not least for the children who are brought into the world this way, as well as their already existing siblings. I guess there is not one right way to deal with this, except from trying to solve the situation in a way that tries not to add more harm to the kids regardless or not we want a reconciliation or not. In my case, we have reached a situation where S is now happy about being a big brother and feels part of XH's and OW's new family and I'm trying to support him the best I can in his new role.

Hugs & strength,

Gimlan x   

[maomina]

Hi I have not been on here for quiet a while!!!
 My feelings with regards to what happens to the mlcer after baby is that he gets stuck ....or at least mine is in fact he still thinks s7 is still 4 !!! He most certainly seems to be doing right by ow and the baby ...got himself a job ,stopped his substance abuse ,stopped smoking ,turned vegitarian and is being very stable towards them ......when it comes to me and the kids he still is not stable with contact or child support! I have asked for no contact as I really can t take his bs anymore  and i wonder at how others mange not to show anger towards the mlcer (how I wish i could remain calm) . I guess i am as stuck as he is right in the middle of wanting to move on and hoping for a return !!!! I am sorry for all who r going through this its just one punch after another