[Adnyl]

I REALLY need so hope and stories of reconciliation after the OW has your H's baby.

He left in Jan, immediately got her pregnant, she moved in, the baby was born.....I haven't even had time with processing and now it is time for the holidays.

I am not doing well.  I am angry, hurt....want to give up my stand and let go.  An affair was a mess!  A baby!!!!!

HELP!!!!

[sobeit]

I'm so sorry you dealing with this painful experience.
I must say I do not know how I would feel if my H had brought a baby into the mix.
I can assure you, this is a crazy time.
The only bit of advice I can give you, is read the articles and blog posts, let your lbser friends support you, and keep things in mlc perspective.
Read read read....
It saved my marriage and my sanity.

[blackice]

Same here. Ow is pregnant and holding the baby against my h. It can be done you just have to be able to handle it. My h and I have a plan in place in case he ends up coming back. It will be hard but it can happen. I would also love to hear some other stories on how to handle this as well.

[Blindsided13]

I am sorry, on top of MLC and the destruction of our families, that is just an added kick to the gut. For me that was the final straw.

[living with Hope]

Adnyl,
Hugs and strength sending your way.
I am sorry that you have this pain. 
Please just talk on here as much as you need to. We are all here for you.

[paradigmshift]

If the OW is only using the baby to trap him, there is a chance that if he leaves her, she would not want the child. If that happens (and because you are hoping for a reconciliation), are you able to raise the kid as your own? I know of people who have done it.

[Magnite38]

Adnyl you will be okay. Don't worry about standing for h, just focus on you and your recovery. It will be a long messy road yet for you both.  You need to be strong and standing on your own two feet to deal with whatever the outcome maybe. My ex had a baby with OW too. They ended up getting married, will it last? I think she did this on purpose and ex did what he thought he should do.  He has turned into a miserable man I  have nothing to do with him.  The hurt will be there for a while but it fades...it has been two years for me know. Take care of you and keep your family and friends close.

[Freebird]

Adnyl,

I am so sorry as this is pain like no other. This is the real twist of the knife. My vile H got his creature pregnant and ran away in March. It was born in November and I have no idea what it is.

I was devastated that he did this as he didn't want children when we first got together and when he finally decided he did it was too late for my system. I am now so grateful that we didn't have them.

I don't know if the ow trapped him or if it was part of the deal for them to be together. I don't care which as the result is the same.

Personally I think it was the last thing that these men want but I guess if they hook up with younger women it has to be part of the deal, or a trap.

Mine had bought a sports car as part of MLC and was enjoying pubbing and clubbing like the 25 year old he thought he was. He wanted fun, sex and freedom of his youth. That has come crashing around his ears I assume. He wanted to be the centre of her world and have all of her attention.

You have to just let yourself grieve for a while. It really is so very painful. Please don't put your life on hold waiting for him. The pain does fade I promise. I am lucky to be totally NC and he is not living in the area, as far as I know. His family are banned from mentioning him to me, not that they are that interested. I honestly thought that I would never get over this but I have. It is the final straw for me, he could not have hurt me more if he had stabbed me but he is no one I know or would want to know.

He is actually seen as a huge joke amongst my friends and our old friends. I am learning to laugh at his stupidity but I pity the child with such a selfish and pathetic git for a father and an immoral $l()t for a mother.

You will be OK. I can't see that they can hurt us any more after this! I hope.

Big hugs x

[Blondie]

Gosh I'm so sorry, this a like MLC and then some. We will all support you however we can on here. I've read back through your original thread and your H sounds textbook MLC and confused. My heart goes out to you. I don't have experience of this personally cos My H's OW can't have any more children, although my H is now Stepdad to her four from her ex-H, it absolutely hurts me and our D's that they have this whole new family. This all absolutely sucks. I know detaching is so hard when we know they are 'not right' but please try as much as you can as I really believe that they have to work through this and nothing we say or do gets through to them. I always feel better when I can go without much contact and when info doesn't get fed back to me. Take care xxx

[Darth Obo]

Adnyl,

Sorry you are going through this; it is terrible to say the least!

I read your post a few days ago and I wanted to respond but needed to think about it from a logical stand point.

What you decide to do is up to you and this community will support you, whatever decision you make; no one will judge you. That being said, here is the blunt reality of this situation:

1) The child, not by the choice of its own, is still the product of an illicit affair
2) The child will always be a reminder of his infidelity and the horrible person who chose to have an affair with your H.
3) Your H is now responsible, at least legally, for this child. That will affect you both should you decide to reconcile & rebuild
4) you have another child (17 y/o) if I remember; this could have negative impact on her as well!

When it comes down to it, you have to decide what you are willing to tolerate and accept. What you are willing to forgive, but most likely, never forget! This is what it really boils down too! If you can accept the above bullets, and move beyond them, then that is up to you!

I know there will be mixed agreement with what I am about to say, but, even though you may want to R & R with your H, you do not have to accept this child in your home. You do not have to accept it in you H's life at all! Yes, he may have to support the child financially, but you do not have to accept it as part of the R&R process if that occurs and you can set those boundaries. It will then be up to him to make a choice.

I personally never had to deal with this; and due to our circumstances, we divorced anyway and I am completely done. However, if she had become pregnant with another man's child; instant deal breaker for me, period! Accepting & caring for step-children from a previous marriage is one thing; an "affair baby" is completely different !!!

Just my $0.02!


DO