[Buggy31]

I have a book called "The Script" why men cheat, up for the next review

Can't wait to hear what you think of this one!. It gave me a good chuckle. 

Just finished this one...I thought it was good....it makes you feel like your not NUTZ...It's unbelievable how predictable the whole thing is.....It got me thinking about affairs in general....like what the difference btw.  a MLC affair and a regular old affair would be...I believe a big difference is in a non-MLC affair a spouse is less likely to cut and run and leave family whereas an MLC affair results in a much more DELUSIONAL state of AFFAIRS....anyway the script I believe is about MLC affairs....just my thoughts...

[Purple stain]

I have been reading "when things fall apart" Heart advice for difficult times by Pema Chodron...It really helps me. I've also been listening to CD's by Pema called "don't bite the hook"...it helps me to actively work on not being angry, resentful, etc.

[LifeGoesOn]

I just finished reading "How to Get Him Back From The Other Woman- If You Still Want Him" by Diane Baroni and Betty Kelly. 1992 A whole $3 on Amazon. I would say it was worth the $3.

Usually, I will scoff at books titled like this. It sounds stupid. So, maybe it is my surprise at the content that has made me like it. The book reads much like this forum, the advice is along the same line. Get a life, work on yourself, be calm and confident, and so on. Good specifics on GALing, and good direction on how to move on while leaving the door open.

An entire chapter is devoted to evaluating your M, and deciding to continue to stand. I read through it pretty quick and intend to go back and examine parts, like this, more closely. There is also a chapter on identifying when H is really ready to return, and one on resuming sex. Authors lightly touch on MLC and depression as reasons for an A.

Next on my nightstand...Terrence Real's, "I Don't Want To Talk About It- Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression", 1997.

[Still]

Next on my nightstand...Terrence Real's, "I Don't Want To Talk About It- Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression", 1997.

This one has been sitting on my stand for a very long time. It was recommended by someone, but I just haven't cracked it open.

I have read so many, many books on self-help, relationships, MLC, since this began. I think I just burned myself out. Plus, with H here it is hard to keep my reading materials discreet.

[Rollercoasterider]

Terrence Real's I Don't Want to Talk About It is in my opinion the first book people should read to learn about male depression. Nothing beats it.
And Still...you are dealing with so much clear depression.

[Still]

And Still...you are dealing with so much clear depression.

I know, RCR. My H won't even admit to one tiny miniscule bit of depression.

He even shouted one day, "You think that I am depressed. The truth is that I am in full avoidance. Avoidance of everything about this relationship!"

That is one of the reasons I haven't been able to read this book. I would have to be very secretive in order to read any amount of it. If he saw it, it would lead to monstrous behavior. I will find a way, though.

[leftylulu]

I just made a list of the books here that I haven't read, wait until he see's my library, LOL. I've got all of Melody Beattie's books, the author of "the Language of Letting Go." She has so many good books.

[OldPilot]

Just finished reading this book, I am going to use this review that someone else wrote for FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE by Markman,Stanley, and Blumberg.
I read the 2010 edition as it just came into the library.

Fighting for Your Marriage" has the feel of being more of a strategy guide for effective communication than a how-to formula for a cookie-cutter successful marriage. I didn't get the sense that I have to follow everything in the book to make marriage work. Instead, it reminded me of the different perspectives in relationships without making heavy generalizations of male and female roles. Understanding how these different perspectives result become key in honing the right communication skills for a stronger marriage.

The book begins with the four hallmarks of a great relationship: 1) be safe at home, 2) open the doors to intimacy, 3) do your part and be responsible, and 4) nurture security in your future together. Though these sound like four tasks that need to be done, the book builds on these four hallmarks conceptually to present four important aspects to marriage life.

Part one: "Understanding the Risks on the Road to Lasting Love." One chapter covers ways couples destroy their relationship: 1) escalation, 2) invalidation, 3) negative interpretations, and 4) withdrawal and avoidance. Then, special attention is placed on how changing times means changing roles and rules.

Part two: "Teaming Up to Handle Conflict." The "be safe at home" concept is especially vital in understanding communication in this section--the aphorism here is in taking turns to speak/listen. Relationships blow up because of a misunderstanding that escalates out of control, often due to filters that often distort what one is trying to convey to another--1) distractions, 2) emotional states, 3) beliefs and expectations, 4) differences in style, and 5) self-protection.

Part three: "Enjoying Each Other." Make time for marriage as one does for an esteemed friend. The authors do not shy away from identifying the friendship aspect of marriage as being the core of long-lasting, happy marriages. Friendship needs to be nurtured, so couples need to make the time. Working on the friendship is a worthwhile investment that pays off in the long run. Of course, sensuality is given plenty of notice here as well.

Part four: "Staying the Course." This section begins with a simple reality check: you can't always get what you want. But that should not excuse any of the spouses from trying to meet the expectations of another. A great deal of motivation needs cultivating to get the wheels rolling. More than anything else in the section, I found the chapter on forgiveness very revealing with this point: "forgiveness is a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you."

Overall, this book has many merits, mainly because it keeps the channel of communication open for a healthy marriage by offering perspectives that makes yielding hopefully more possible and manageable.

[IM AZ]

My W is the MLC.   We have both been reading:

Awakening at Midlife [Paperback]
Kathleen A. Brehony (Author)
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)

Excellent book.  Describes my W to a 'T', and she agrees.  Also has a chapter for us.   This book is a little more gender-neutral than most so it is a good read for us.

[Still]

Here is an interview from a book I read a year or so ago Crossing the Soul's River: A Rite of Passage for Men by Bill Roberts. It was very interesting.

http://www.menweb.org/crossoul.htm