[Thunder]

Nina, this is all so typical.  They want their cake n eat it too.
I'll let InIt give you the gentle 2x4.

You have having way too much contact with him for your own good.

[in it]

Thunder is right he's cake eating.

He's making you an option. You've been through enough.
Don't allow him to manipulate you.
Only you can do this. Do not reply to his texts. Or answer his calls.
You have tried a couple of times. Stop making the effort
What you allow continues.

[Nina2002]

I know 

[in it]

I know it isn't easy. But you have to think about you.

You can do this! He might blow your phone up for a while. He's a big boy, don't worry about him.

[moc]

in it: I am very happy about this thread.  The articles and discussions are spot on for me.  I just recently went NC with the COWARD.  Only way she will be able to contact me is through e-mail so I have documented proof of anything.  She has no key to the marital home anymore.  I have blocked her on FB and my phone. 

This has done wonders for my self esteem, and less monkey braining.  I am in the early stages of NC and read the articles you posted and am gaining strength.


and the reality is you don't get closure with a narcissist. There won't ever be an apology. Even if you did you really couldn't believe it was sincere.

To the person that posted this...thank you.  My MLCer#1, is a true narcissist.  I know I will never get an apology nor is she capable of doing so.  She is not wired that way.  I have accepted that as fact and move on.


It was at this time, that I decided that the ONLY way I would ever heal was to be 100% away from him.  To be honest, it hasn't been difficult not picking up the phone.

To the person that posted this...exactly.  MLCer#1 and I have very little contact and only for child arrangements (she lives 4hr away and I have both of our boys).  I have healed from that psycho now completely.  MLCer#2 I have only recently gone NC.  The disappointment and anger has driven me to not want contact at all with her unless she wants her cr*p from the marital home.  Then it is e-mail contact only.  As I have said, blocking her from my phone helped tremendously.  It took a few days to get over, but am doing better.


When I think about seeing him, I can't think of one item that we could discuss.  He doesn't tell the truth and I don't want to hear about her, so what would we talk about.  I have my own separate relationship with the adult kids, so no need to discuss them.  I just picture us staring at each other, so No Thank you, I am done.

To the person that posted this...yep totally get it.  I don't think I can ever have a conversation worth any meaning with either of my MLCers.  MLCer#2 especially right now is nothing but a liar.  Agreed, this is for me to heal, so no thank you, see ya later, don't let the door hit you in the a$$...or if it does let it leave a mark.

[OneHotMess]

Attaching

[in it]

Found online:


How helpful is no contact rule after a breakup?

Without a question, the no contact rule is the most effective way of creating a deep impact on ones ex's memory. Though, intuition says that your ex will forget you during the no contact rule or any novice guy who has no sense of relationship games will suggest you abstaining the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is as effective as a paracetamol is for fever. It has about 90% success rate and definitely your ex is going to take their phone and call you back. But the no contact rule have to be followed with strict standards.

Why it works ?

You'll follow the no contact rule only if you were dumped. Had break-up been your idea you'd be having romance with your beloved. Right?

Space plays a very significant role during the no contact rule. I must say that space is the backbone of the no contact rule. Post breakup, you bombarded your ex with your calls and texts and during time you completely loose your value before them. Ultimately, they tend to ignore you even more hoping to permanently stay away from you.

Now, when you decide to follow the no contact rule, you set them free. You don't call them for 9 months or 1 year. During this period, they may get into innumerable relationships but once they don't see you begging before them, they become curious. The more days you don't contact them, the more they think about you.

I know it is not easy. It's tougher than you can imagine. Every momemt you will feel like taking your phone and dropping them a message or a call. And you've to stop yourself from accidentally flooding into them.

I've been into all this and it's like stopping your breath for 9 months. I tried to follow the no contact rule again and again. I'd control myself for a week or two but then I'd take my phone call them and “I love you , please don't leave me. I'll die without you” yes. I'd do it twice or thrice every month, thus the no contact rule couldn't work.

Then finally , I accepted the truth and left everything. I cried continuosly for a week like a child does- bitterly.

I never called her again and then year later she herself called me to ask how was I doing.

This is the real power of the no contact rule. Once you stop calling or contacting them by any means, the begin to wonder - where the hell are you. They start to miss you. Ultimately, they forget all your negative traits and remember only the good ones, with the passage of time.

This was not just mine case, I have seen many guys who got back their ex just by strictly following the no contact rule. Also , I've helped a number of guys post their break-up and also, got their exes realise their mistake. The no contact rule has been the best instrument.

[in it]

bump

[Bewildered survivor]

I have been pretty good at NC. I actually think I’ve become avoidant of my MLCer due to him being in monster mode all the time. Any contact with him triggers me. Since discovering OW last October I have not contacted him unless I’ve had to about the kids or money. It’s invited monster spew and emotional abuse back.

The summer holidays was the longest we had no contact and he didn’t see me since BD & what does he do? Makes sure he refuses every reasonable contact plan that I suggest which would have maintained no contact just so he can continue to see me daily in our home! Despite this he delusionally tells me that it’s me that can’t get over him and move on and that I’m jealous of OW.

Is this him initiating contact? It’s a very warped way to do it.What do you do in this case?

[Thunder]

I don't know but he certainly is not letting you go, regardless of what he says.