[BrenM]

 so the only thing he is succeeding in is a good body physique which he has been tirelessly working out in gym for the past four years to look and feel younger.

Ripped it is crazy how obsessed the MLCer has with the gym.  Yes my Ex-h may have a good physique but his face tells the real story.  Over the last almost 4 years he has aged significantly....ironically all of our family and friends say exactly the same.   You cannot turn back the aging clock irrespective how much you try.

[Shelly7435]

How is it you all said exactly how I feel. I could have written all your stories, with a few changes. It is so distubing and amazing at the same time!

I don't think any of them are truly happy. I think they can place thing on the shelf.  My X once told me, after a family party. That he seemed to be having fun at, that he hated them cuz he is on stage.   They are good actors. My S told me he acts happy but if you look into his eyes you just see pain. Pain he will never deal with. Unfortunatey I agree.

[nah]

My X once told me, after a family party. That he seemed to be having fun at, that he hated them cuz he is on stage.   

That's exactly what my husband said was the reason for him getting back into music.  He said he can pretend he's someone else when he's on stage.  Now that he's gone, he is involved in music more than ever.

[Rippedapart]

Bren

Your mlcer is a lot younger than mine.  Mine is 66 !!!!  62 at bombdrop. He is also on steroids but won't admit it to anybody but me.  My adult children know this.  My eldest Son (28)  told h to stop taking them as it will affect him mentally and physically.  But my h knows better....he's invincible lol.  My h and I were told many times we look younger than our age.  His age never bothered me, I am 8 years younger than him.But he has become obsessed with it.

 The first ow was older than me, the second is 6 years younger.  She is the one that is stroking his ego and making him feel sooo good about himself.  My h also I believe sees his ow as "damsel that need rescuing and he is the knight in shining armour" 

 I often wonder did he think i needed rescuing when we met.... I know I didn't as I have always been independent.  My h also said he was scared of me once after bd.... I think because they know /knew that we would not tolerate such bad behaviour.. I didn't allow myself to walk on eggshells after year one.

The addiction part of mlc is gobsmacking...... His addiction is gym, steroids, phone texting and fb.   When do these people grow up !!!

Ripped

[Anjae]

I say this all the time, if they were so sure and confident of their choices, why can't they contact us?  Because they care so little? That doesn't make sense.  If they cared to little, they wouldn't be so scared of us.  Scared does not equal "meh".

But they contact, don't they? Even if only here and there. And some still in touch with the kids.

Contact and scared is different. At a point Mr J become terrified of me. No idea why. We don't have much if any contact. Like in January, when I saw in by chance and went to say hi. He freaked and gave a step back. But when he was leaving he put his hand on my shoulder and said "so goodnight". He behaved odd again in August when I called him because of the exhibition - several relevant materials are with him. It was a professional call - this, that and those is required for exhibition X curated by A, B, C that will be held at P, no personal issue was mentioned. Yet, monster come out.

When Mr J was a clinger he was not scared of me one bit. Or he didn't seemed to be. He contactd so much it was crazy.
 
I am not wallowing, I am just saying that money makes a difference. It is a fact and it is valid for everyone. However, money, or its lack do not equal happy or unhappy. Money means comfort, not happiness. I am far happier than Mr Nightclub with his fancy life.

Walking, the Sun, art galleries are free. Books can be picked for free at the library. There are also many free concerts here and other that are paid I can get into for free. I also don't have to spend 4 to 6 or more hours during the night in a closed room - read nightclub -, full of noise, heat and, often, cigarette smoke including when I have to go to my day job the next day. Mr J does because he wants to keep at it.

At times, it seems that when a LBS points for something that is not rosy, people equal with wallowing rather than fact.

As for friends, Mr J has had several DJ partners, for some reason, some didn't last long and one who used to be very close to him cut ties with him years ago. I don't have a clue why.

The reason Mr J remains in his MCL life is that, of he stops, he starts to think about everything he has done and cannot deal with it. He told me that a couple of times.

I never felt erased nor thought the marriage/relationship was fake. When the MLCers was a super clinger early on it is hard to feel erased. As for the marriage/relationship, I know how it was. No reason to doubt it.

When we post here it may give the wrong impression that we are focussed on the MLCer or things that come with the crisis. That is true for a while, then we are all busy with tons of things. What I am focussed on at the moment?

Both big and small things. My ideas for cultural things and meeting the people that will be necessary to help - they are very big and impossible to do alone; recovering from physical injuries from when I looked after grandmother; working on my organic compost (I am trying a few differents methods); drying seeds (melon, watermelon, punpkin, etc) to be eaten with cereals or in smoothies; my watercolours/paintings; photography; doing small improvements around the house; keep growing my professional contacts; meet new people; keep working on the former joint project.

I am doing it all at my pace, and the pace is not even. Peri-menopause keeps playing a number on me and I go with the flow. No point forcing or rushing. It only tires and sets me back.

[BrenM]

 

The addiction part of mlc is gobsmacking...... His addiction is gym, steroids, phone texting and fb.   When do these people grow up !!!

Ripped

Ripped I don't think they can grow up whilst in Mlc.  They are focused on trying to stay young and extremely egotistical. My Ex is absolutely obsessed with gym, riding 100's of klms each day on his bike and there are rumours about steroid use also.  Yes they are totally invincible in their own eyes...lol.  Christmas Day 2 years ago he spent 3 hours at the gym...does that sound normal for someone in a new relationship and new family for Christmas Day?  That sounds like a man punishing himself for whatever reason.


Ripped we all go back in time and analyse our relationships - forsensically scrutinise photos and memories looking for answers.  As you say we question were we the "damsel in distress" needing rescuing or were we just totally blind to what was going on.  I know the independent woman I once was there would be no reason why I would need saving.  The woman I am now after the battering I have endured...yes...I am a damsel in distress....but he is long gone.  We can't rewrite history....no one can.  It was what we thought it was!  Don't doubt yourself of the millions of memories. Most LBS observed a personality change in our Mlcers before BD, IMO this was the onset of MLC. 

My ExH always had an addictive personality...he would swap and change sporting interests to fit in with new found friends, change his choice of alcoholic beverages to the "in" style drink, change dressing style so he would be stylish and modern, his brain was always busy - swapping and changing interests, starting many projects but failing to complete many.  I often question if the kids and I were just another fad that has reached its use by date.

I keep saying that the men/women we know so well, the person we have known for many years is still in that body/brain somewhere...lost in the fog of MLC...all we can do is live our lives as best as we can and trust our future path to fate.  What is meant to be will be.   Some old timers will no doubt disagree and have a theory to argue otherwise.   Which is interesting to read, but it is just an opinion based on their own experience.  Everyone's situation is different.  There is a lot of bitterness and anger with some LBS's (in combination with menopause personality symptoms) which is perfectly OK...but it is no good mentally and psychically for us to hold so much anger and bitterness.  We need to focus on growing stronger and our own self care.


Ripped sit back and keep watching this story unwrap from afar.  A women aged 52 will soon tire of a man aged 66....and your H will not be able to continue to put the effort and punishment on his body to keep up with a 52 year old.  Hold your head high and watch his rock bottom come.

[Rippedapart]

Bren,

My H was sooooooo reliable and predictable...always.   We both attended the gym over the years me not as much as him but we enjoyed it.  He was never into styles,  fashion etc.,  We travelled around Europe on his Yamaha 1100 when we first met, he loved his bike but sold it so that we could put it towards a deposit on our house 30 + years ago.

He was a perfectionist in everything he did, he was helpful and pulled his weight as did I.  We had worked together over 30 years, first in the same company and then we set up our own business.  He changed totally when mlc hit and now it's his stubbornness and obsessive behaviour  with the gym that continues.  3 hours a day, six days a week.  Ow2...I've seen a photo.....She is  no gym bunny and the opposite of me in every way.  The only thing I noticed ow 1 and ow2 have is brown eyes like myself. 

I have left him to keep digging downwards into that huge hole he now finds himself in.

RIPPED.

[nah]

Clanishers of the Vanishers...,

The Leaver just called.

I didn’t answer.

It’s been at least a year, maybe two since I heard his voice.

This can’t be good.

[BrenM]

Wow....no message? 

No doubt the mind ponders....in overdrive somewhat?  A misdialled number?  Interesting...

Hope everything is ok with your daughter?

[Rising Phoenix]

OMG nah, you must be feeling god knows what emotions.

S15 has just text the vanisher and called him a d!ck! Vanisher has just turned up and took s15 on a drive xx