[megogirl]

You can either forgive or you can’t but to continually bring it up builds a barrier, not a bridge

Actually, I made it perfectly clear a week ago via text that I was willing to forgive.  This is a man who always believed in God.  And yet, he still showed up in court today.

Hence, my one-sentence "reminder" of what his afterlife will look like....

[Anon]

Oh Meg,,, I'm sorry but I do agree with the other comments.   Somehow I sense hints of bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, judgement in the way you relate to your H.   Understandable too but maybe you don't mean to be that way or you are unaware of how it comes across.

Your response to the replies to this post come across as defensive as well.   The advise is good but it's like you are not willing to accept it because you have good reasons for what you say.  Maybe true, but good chance it's increasing the distance between you and your H.  They don't handle obvious negative emotions that well.  Makes them want to run further away.  Only something to consider if you are Standing.   Otherwise, just disregard. 

[Not Applicable]

I am proud of myself.  H was trying to avoid eye contact, but I marched straight up to him and said, "You'd really better hope that there is no afterlife." 

So.....what now?  I suppose I'm really addressing the covenant-keepers now.  Because even though I was not raised Catholic, my values regarding marriage mirror those of their faith.  One, and done. 

But from what you said, it is clear those are your PERSONAL values, but not something you absolutely believe in to be an absolute. Because if you really believed it was a foregone FACT, you would have said something like, "Marriage is for life and what has happened will be dealt with in the afterlife." But you made it as if it was something that may or not be because you told him to hope there is no afterlife, as if you don't really know if there is one or not. That's simply a snarky insult, nothing more.

Your husband clearly does not share your values because he has divorced you. I think you wasted your breath on that one. It probably had zero affect on him at all or it just made him glad he left you for the OW. I mean really, of all the things you could have chosen to say, why that? Why not, "I'm sorry things didn't work out between us. I thought we had a good marriage. I will always keep you in my heart." Or anything to remind him of the positive things between you. Not just another way of saying, "Burn in hell."

Now, I do have to admit I do throw religious stuff at my husband myself. I don't always zip my lip in that regard. But I do it when he is trying to blame me for something and I know it is inconsistent with our shared religious views and in actuality it is him who is doing the wrong thing. I tell him, "I am innocent and what you have done is between you and God." I say it as a factual matter. I don't make it a snarky threat. I say it to basically tell him I'm not going to harp on him for what he has done anymore but I am handing over the matter to God. And I only do it when I know damn well that there is scripture to back up exactly what I am saying. If you aren't Catholic, but you believe marriage is for life, then you are just picking and choosing whatever values suit what you want. It's religion a la carte.

The fact is if you don't have shared religious values then there is no benefit to such remarks like what you made.

[megogirl]

Only something to consider if you are Standing

No, I am Standing.  Just a tad puzzled why, after 2+ years of treating me like $h!te, and knowing that I will still (somehow?!?) forgive, he *still* felt the need to drag me into court.

Am I really that *awful* of a human to remain being married to?!

[BrenM]

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0


MG - make yourself a cuppa,  put your feet up and have a read of these threads. "Vanisher - Return Stories".....note that they are not all vanisher stories.  Happy again story is amongst these threads.  This thread used to be on the Resources Page (Old Pilot put them there) but are no longer there. 

[Not Applicable]

Leaving aside what he has done to you for a moment, yes, the way you talk about him on here if I were him and heard you saying all that $h!te, i would think at least you were treating me awfully. He can't see that he precipitated it. He just sees you as being a b!tc#.

[megogirl]

The fact is if you don't have shared religious values then there is no benefit to such remarks like what you made.

Actually, we DID, got marriage counseling prior to saying our vows accordingly, and got married in a church accordingly.

If he didn't share my values re: God, I never would have married him in the first place.

[megogirl]

yes, the way you talk about him on here if I were him and heard you saying all that $h!te, i would think at least you were treating me awfully.

Well, then, he only needs to LOOK IN THE MIRROR, because everything I've said here has been FACTUAL, not an opinion......

[Not Applicable]

The fact is if you don't have shared religious values then there is no benefit to such remarks like what you made.

Actually, we DID, got marriage counseling prior to saying our vows accordingly, and got married in a church accordingly.

If he didn't share my values re: God, I never would have married him in the first place.

Yeah, but you are talking about covenant keeping and saying that is not part of your religious sect. So you are suggesting you made those remarks because he divorced you, not because he cheated on you. If your religious sect allows divorce, then your remarks were inappropriate and you are the one who isn't respecting your shared values.

[BrenM]

Only something to consider if you are Standing

No, I am Standing.  Just a tad puzzled why, after 2+ years of treating me like $h!te, and knowing that I will still (somehow?!?) forgive, he *still* felt the need to drag me into court.

Am I really that *awful* of a human to remain being married to?!

MG you are going to continue asking yourself this question for a while....you will have times where you want to give up, it is totally natural.  But only you, and you alone can make your decision to continue or not based on your knowledge and heart.  You can never break unconditional love!

I believe in the Red String of Fate - It means that people who are destined to meet are tied together with an invisible Red Thread. Legend has it that the two people connected by this thread will have a major story, regardless of the time, place or circumstances. The Red String might get tangled, contracted or stretched, as surely often happens, but it can never break.