[Penelope2018]

I won't chastise you for what was said. Sometimes you just can't hold it in and I'd imagine divorce day would be one of those days. I don't think I was angry when my divorce papers came in the mail. I just wanted to leave and go far away. In shock maybe. I'm almost 1.5 years out from BD and rarely blow up at XH anymore (we still live together). Only when he tries extremely hard to bait me. And when I blow up, I blow up all the way and he will be silent for the next two days or stay out all night (video chatting) knowing it bothers me. Me blowing up gives him an excuse in his mind I guess. So I can see where lashing out seems counterproductive but does it really matter in the end? They're going to do what they want to do either way. Even when he occassionally texts OW in front of me isn't so bothersome anymore since I know he's usually telling her fanciful lies.

[megogirl]

and I'd imagine divorce day would be one of those days

Ohhhh....and it WAS. 

It was my last hurrah, my last chance to stick it to him....and one final implication that he'd better repent to God now for everything that has transpired over the past two years, or else....?!?

[Nas]

Everything that has transpired over the last two years is going to continue to transpire for another three, five, 10 more years. Be prepared. The only thing that you have implanted in his brain is that you think that you are a moral authority without sin. The kind of truth darts that might have a chance to stick are ones that make him think about what he’s done, not the ones that make him think about how you feel about what he’s done.

[megogirl]

Except that "moral authority" implies that I believe that I'm morally better than, and I know I'm not.  Far from it. 

But I also have not spent over two years violating 50% of the Ten Commandments every minute of every day.  That's actually REALLY hard to do, if you read them.  Most people, myself included, are (maybe) one here, one there....not FIVE.

And H can REPENT for them all, in one foul swoop!  Alas, he doesn't care.

It's his own eternity.....not mine.

[Not Applicable]

I'm going to make this very brief and to the point. At the moment, you are far too immature to have any hope of reconciling with your husband.

[megogirl]

Immature?  What?  I'm 47 and just trying to survive, following the Bible....so this is another weird comment that I should probably just flat-out ignore....

[Mortesbride]

This thread is certainly...interesting to read.

I totally get your anger mego. Believe me I struggled with it for ages in the beginning. But it wasn't so much about the hurt I was feeling from the betrayal, or the lying, or despair of losing my best friend and husband all at once... it was the injustice of it all.

How was it fair I gave everything to move to this country, I had been a good wife, I got married, I was faithful, we had time alone as a couple, then I gave him beautiful children...and a beautiful home...I always consulted him and CARED what he thought about everything. I lived to please him....

Yet he gets to just walk out? He can just walk out the door, leave the kids, the house, the responsibility, all the mess, the clean up and thousands of tears...all on me? How was that fair? I had done nothing wrong! I didn't deserve it! I didn't get any reason why...I didn't even get asked how I felt...

And that made me furious. How could I do everything I was supposed to...yet this was the outcome?!

Eventually I just came to accept that $h!te happens. All of this has happened, I can't change it, there is no way I could have changed it. My husband is choosing to throw away his life because he feels something is missing...something we are holding him back from. I KNOW that isn't true. I KNOW that he had everything anyone could ask for...but he was so lucky to get it at such a young age...he doesn't realise all the crap that is out there. He thinks there MUST be something he missed. So off he went...

And I have yet to see a smile on his face. Not one. His mom says it is like living with her father. The atmosphere is thick and sad...and angry...always angry. And it is everyone else's fault but his.

Talk of the Bible always gets interesting. There are so many ways people use and interpret it. A catholic and a Jehovah witness just won't agree, even though they both read the Bible.

I don't have a label. I was raised in a baptist with my granny, Pentecostal with my father, native american beliefs from my mother, ...and several other influences.

I will agree with you mego that to many people are happy to turn a blind eye to clear 'sin'. I like to just refer to it as someone is being an @$$hole. You see a coworker cheating on his wife...you say nothing. That is deplorable whatever religion you are. I am sorry but it just is. Would I go on to badger the person on a daily basis about it? Probably not. But I would certainly make it known that I thought that was not the right thing to do, and would tell them to tell their wife or I would. Even if she didn't believe me, I wouldn't sleep at night knowing I didn't do the right thing. I was so angry at all the people at my husbands work who said nothing...it added to the betrayal. After that whenever they talked about their cheating partner or whatever I would probably be unable to hide my disgusted face and leave the room. You don't need words to illustrate how you disagree with something.

I expressly told my husband in the beginning what he was doing was wrong, it was crossing a line... at one point I physically couldn't look at him. It was like he was covered in a germy disgusting clear film...but now...I don't speak about what he does, I don't ask him...but if I catch him in a clear and blatant lie...a  look is enough. He knows I am not buying it, but no words need to be said. Sometimes if I feel the need to comment I do it in a humours way. We were always connected with a good sense of humour, and if I can make my point very clear, without harsh words...I do.

I actually find leaving things open ended work best. So for instance when he said ''Oh let me guess, you think I am a $h!tety parent'' I simply replied, ''Beast, you know exactly what type of parent you are.''... he will spend more time analyzing what type of parent he is, without me ever saying what my opinion is. Because if I were to say ''I think you are barely medicore, every other weekend dad...'' That may be true, but it is harsh, hurts his feelings, and instantly makes him defensive and slip right into a victim role.

Take his ability to be a victim away from him.

Something really crazy has to happen for me to reach that level of rage now. Mostly because I just shrug and say..welp he is just nuts what do I expect....

Most notably I recently found crotchless tights in my daughters stuff....they were not mine...or hers  .....so when i picked up the kids, I put them in the car, then walked back to the door where he was standing outside on the pavement in front of MIL house..I handed him the crotchless tights and said ''I'd appreciate if this type of thing doesn't make it into our 8 year olds things''....and his face was enough. I didn't have to go crazy, I didn't have to scream and yell, I didn't go into a tirade on the street...all of which would have been justifiable. I was calm, collected, and went back to the car. He scuttled back in the house like I lit his trousers on fire....Message received.

The point is.. you can make it very clear you do not agree with what he is doing, without bashing him over the head with scripture. MLCers aren't planning out next week, nevermind what is gonna happen in the afterlife.

Mine routinely likes to say ''None of this matters because I will be dead by the time I am 40 anyway''...

They just can't see the longevity of anything, nevermind their ''everlasting eternal butt poking torment''. 

[Not Applicable]

I think LBSes fall broadly into one of two categories-those who see MLC as a moral transgression and those who see it as a mental illness. Neither way is easy, but I think looking at it as the latter is more helpful. At least in my own religious beliefs a person with a mental illness won't be held accountable on judgment day. Initially I looked at my H's MLC from a religious angle and while there is that element, looking at it as an illness just made the pieces fit together so much better in understanding what is going on. The problem I faced was people in religious forums were unwilling to even see MLC as a thing. To them, this was a religious matter and I was raked over the coals for even suggesting it was anything but.

[Mortesbride]

Good points goner. I am in the in between.

I know Beast is crazier than a fruit bat. But I also know he is morally wrong.

I don't think you can blame everything they do on being nuts. Sure some of it only makes sense if the person is mentally ill. But being mentally ill doesn't mean you have no control over the moral indiscretion you do.

A person with severe depression is mentally ill. They can be excused for ignoring their daily duties, or maybe doing drugs or alcohol to numb themselves. That can easily be written off as they were just mentally ill. But it would not excuse them for murdering someone, or burning someones house down, or ....whatever.

At some point your mental illness can not longer be the excuse. At some point you CHOSE to do it.

[Nas]

Except that "moral authority" implies that I believe that I'm morally better than, and I know I'm not.  Far from it. 

But I also have not spent over two years violating 50% of the Ten Commandments every minute of every day.  That's actually REALLY hard to do, if you read them.  Most people, myself included, are (maybe) one here, one there....not FIVE.

And H can REPENT for them all, in one foul swoop!  Alas, he doesn't care.

It's his own eternity.....not mine.

You don't think you're morally superior.  Yet you might as well be screaming all of your posts from a pulpit.