[Anjae]

Between early January and May 2008 there were nearly 10 years. Aside from a court thing October 2014, I didn't saw Mr J in ten years. And before, since I come back, I saw him once, August 2007. Since he left, October 2006, I only saw him physically those 4 times.

Can't say it is a lot for more than 11 years since I returned home.

When I was still in the capital he would be around all the time. He would call, e-mail, text, you name like a mad man. The non physical contact carried on madly for a good while after I was back here. At a point, I start to cut contact. It was just driving me mad.

Watcher said on his thread that he does not have more 8 months of NC with his wife in him. At this point, I have 8, 18, 180 months or years in me of no NC with Mr J. I gain nothing from contact with him, only lose.

It is so much nicer to interact with normal, decent people than with a still manic, still angry, still depressed MLCer. Too much going on in my life right how for I to even consider sparing a moment for/with Mr J.

[Treasur]

Does anyone else with a vanisher feel as if their life was sort of raped? As if a huge question mark was slammed over your life and you were left standing there, metaphorically 'told' to just suck it up with no right to a voice? And do you think that makes the desire to shout or write or speak your truth somehow - whether at your vanisher or not - more of a compulsion?

Do you think that is more the case with a vanisher or not? Is a question mark worse or better than monster spew?

And if you did/do feel the need to reclaim your truth or remove that question mark, did you eventually find a healthy constructive way to do it? (I'm assuming that Nah will say her book was, and Lisa Arends used a blog and Vikki Stark wrote a book too)

[Anjae]

Clingers can tell you to just suck up because it is what it is. At times, literally and to your face. At times in angry monster.

There isn't much difference, other than clingers never let go and are a headache.

We want to write it/have our truth be heard/told regardless. There isn't much point in trying to tell it to a clinger. They don't listen.

Question mark is better than monster spew. Our sanity is spared.

I told my truth to Mr J, both verbally and in writing when he was a clinger. No idea if he listened.  It is also on legal documents. In my case, I have his and OW1 letters. I happen to know exactly what happened, how and when. No, he does not know I have the letters.

I will never write a book, or a blog, or a story, about any of this. Don't need it haunting my past, present and future.

[BrenM]

Does anyone else with a vanisher feel as if their life was sort of raped? As if a huge question mark was slammed over your life and you were left standing there, metaphorically 'told' to just suck it up with no right to a voice? And do you think that makes the desire to shout or write or speak your truth somehow - whether at your vanisher or not - more of a compulsion?

Do you think that is more the case with a vanisher or not? Is a question mark worse or better than monster spew?

And if you did/do feel the need to reclaim your truth or remove that question mark, did you eventually find a healthy constructive way to do it? (I'm assuming that Nah will say her book was, and Lisa Arends used a blog and Vikki Stark wrote a book too)

Treasur to be honest it somewhat frustrates me on this site how some posters continually make comparisons about the type of MLCer we have and which is better in means of antics and recovery for the LBS.   Every single one of us has endured pain and hurt from our Mlcers betrayal...that is why we are here....to seek support from people who understand our experience.  Without judgement...sadly this is not always the case.   There are too many posters obsessed with their own situations that they cannot and will not see other perspectives, they believe that their opinions and research is correct and will not look at situations with open minds.  They are of no help to anyone with this type of  mentality. 

Each individual LBS handles their own situation uniquely.   There is no scale to measure ones feelings, acceptance of the situation or healing time.  We are all humans and as we all know are different.

Whilst I understand that the type of MLCer we have does bring its own issues and varying stress levels there should be no comparison.  A LBS with a Clinger will experience different life challenges than a LBS with a Vanisher, LBS with children versus LBS's with no children.  Our dynamics are totally different.  We are all hurt and damaged.  Some of us have damaged children and some don't.  At the end of the day ALL  LBS suffer emotionally regardless of the varying factors. We are all the same, experiencing this MLC mind firetruckery, who are learning to survive this ride the best we can.  We have standers, non-standers,  LBS who have moved on, people who don't believe in the MLC process, posters who do, people who don't believe in reconciliations and others who do.  We are all different and our thoughts and opinions do matter.  We all learn from each other in a supportive environment. 

Oh boy do I constantly analyse my life critically.  My life changed in a blink of a eye....no warning signs, no nothing.  So yes I understand the rape term.   I constantly replay things in my mind, revisit photos to see if I missed any vital signs.  Yes I feel that my life has been a lie, that my children and I have been the victims of the sinister actions of the Mlcers  mind...but I know that the man I married, the man I and others knew so well..would never intentionally hurt so many....BUT HE HAS!

In relation to your question, yes I do feel compelled to one day tell my story.   The real story. I have remained quiet and composed whilst my H and the OW fabricate lies to justify their actions.  I want the truth to one day be revealed and told....WHY you may ask....because the truth is important to me.
Many people don't believe their manufactured stories, as they know first hand....realistically these are the people that count....but it is still important to me to tell my story.


I do plan to write my story....mainly for therapeutic reasons for myself....it may well not be published....that is ok...it is for me, my kids and my family.   Our story...Our truth.

Treasur if you wish to write your story, please do so.  When we all first received our free ticket to this Mlc party we all frantically searched for books and research matter on MLC.  As we all found there was limited material.   Much outdated and or severely opinionated matter from a angry bitter LBS (no names required).  I admire Nah and I do hope she writes the rest of her story.  If a LBS can tell their story that will/could help another LBS during their journey isn't that a success?   I want to be a success....what form of success is yet to be determined...I will know more as my story plays out.

[xyzcf]

I am going to direct this to Brenross. Is it really necessary to use this forum to keep complaining about other posters?

I read Anjae's post (for I am pretty sure it is Anjae that you have a problem with) and I did not see that she was doing anything but add her thoughts to the previous posts.

We are not all the same, we don't have the same situations and we will always have differences of opinions.

Bashing people, as has been happening pretty regularly recently is pretty disturbing to me.

Is there anyway that we can stay on topic and stop taking personal shots at one another?

Every single one of us have been wounded deeply by our stories..empathy, support and caring is really helpful....calling others out is not in my opinion.

[Nas]

I’m with xyz all the way on this.

[BrenM]

Xyzcf and Nas

Ladies you have both made an assumption which is not correct.  As I have stated many times I do not have a issue with Anjae.....I was replying to Treasur post.   

I do have a problem with many various posters making insinuations and comparisons on people's threads.   We are all damaged and do the best we can.  This site is for support.. If you read my posts you will see that I continually state this repetitively.  Posters need to be respectful of everyone else's situation. 

We are not all the same, we don't have the same situations and we will always have differences of opinions.

Bashing people, as has been happening pretty regularly recently is pretty disturbing to me.


Every single one of us have been wounded deeply by our stories..empathy, support and caring is really helpful....calling others out is not in my opinion.

This is exactly my point on my post and on numerous of my posts.  Hero spouse has lost its focus somewhat....I do hope that it gets back on track.

[xyzcf]

These are the comments that struck me Brenross. Because of late, there has been so much conflict on HS, I am pointing out how comments like this make me feel.

Without judgement...sadly this is not always the case.   There are too many posters obsessed with their own situations that they cannot and will not see other perspectives, they believe that their opinions and research is correct and will not look at situations with open minds.  They are of no help to anyone with this type of  mentality.

 

Much outdated and or severely opinionated matter from a angry bitter LBS (no names required).

We can still state what we want to say...without stirring up the pot once again.

[Nas]

The quote you put in red ink is what I was agreeing with. So I guess we are ALL guilty of making insinuations and assumptions at times.

[BrenM]

Without judgement...sadly this is not always the case.   There are too many posters obsessed with their own situations that they cannot and will not see other perspectives, they believe that their opinions and research is correct and will not look at situations with open minds.  They are of no help to anyone with this type of  mentality.

 

Sadly isn't this the case?  How many times do,you read a post and shake your head in disbelief xyzcf?

Much outdated and or severely opinionated matter from a angry bitter LBS (no names required).

I was actually referring to Chumplady - her views and her website. 

The quote you put in red ink is what I was agreeing with. So I guess we are ALL guilty of making insinuations and assumptions at times.

Thank you Nas....lets work on getting this site back on track.