[stillbaffled]

I am once again reminded that he is still a screwed up human being. What must it be like to be unable to function in a normal fashion just getting a prescription and not even be able to thank someone for help?  As I have said before, I would never have even looked at whatever he currently is. It makes me so sad now.

Sure hear you on this, OR.  Screwed up human beings, indeed. 

Your kids sure better remember to thank and appreciate all that you do for them. 

On another note.......did you sell the surfboards??

[Treasur]

It's a combo of that mad secrecy and cheese brains that creates MLC complication about the most simple of things isn't it? Remarkable really that they cross the road unaided  Perhaps explain to your son that, bc his father makes stuff like that rather difficult, in future your son needs to have his card and/or be the one to call you as he is an adult now?

[OffRoad]

Thanks for the comments. Fortunately for me, I don't dwell on much of anything anymore (no real point in it). I had the surfboards down and ready to sell when all heck broke loose with COVID 19. I can't even give things away on freecycle because people are just very strange. (more on that in a minute). As to S and his card, he normally does do all that himself, but he was very sick. I am actually grateful that his dad at least went out to get the prescription, I just wish he was a competent human being. And now I am fairly certain from his symptoms he had COVID 19, but he was never tested so we'll likely never know. Fever, aches, shortness of breath, cough, felt like something was sitting on his chest, pneumonia, lasted for weeks in his chest, all he wanted to do was sleep.

So, right before "shelter in place", I put some things out on Freecycle. Sometimes I figure there might be someone who wants this bizarre clock or that set of TV trays, so I'll freecycle them (put them out to a group and people respond if they would like the items. Then we arrange for a pickup spot or time or both). I get my fair share of flakes, but I get a lot of really decent people, too. I can't say I've ever gotten bizarre like I did this time. Someone was going to pick up an item. Then, they couldn't come by because they hadn't had a nap. The next day, they weren't sure if they could make it because the neighbors dog was barking and keeping them awake.  OK.... then I had someone who wanted all five of the items I had advertised. When I said she could have four of the five because the other item was spoken for, she no longer wanted any of it. Fine.... Then I had this one person who kept asking what area of town I was in. The Title of every item says Offered: Item on Offer--area of city you are in. . She asked for every item, when it clearly says what area I am in. On every item. I felt bad for one woman. She really wanted a set of shelves I was letting go. It's not a large set of shelves, kind of tall skinny media Ikea type shelves, but still a $100+ item new. Two days later she says she can't have them, her boyfriend "doesn't want to do this". I'm not sure if he didn't want the shelves, or didn't want to drive or what. Every interaction, with the exception of one, was a little off. And the one was a person I have given things to in the past, so a known quantity. It was interesting to see such a stark contrast to what I normally get for responses, which is more like "Is it still available" "When can I pick it up?" " Sure I'll take two of the five items".  People sound...whiny. It's weird. I'm not sure what to make of it. Stress maybe?

I am fortunately still working, but I am also fortunate to be able to work from home. It took us all of a week to get everyone in the office set to work form home. I kind of miss the face to face interaction, but like I told someone else, my kids have been out of the house for a while so Skype and Zoom and us all playing board games or video games with each other over the internet is nothing new. Adding a few more people in to that mix was pretty seamless. Besides, I'll take this over having to worry about money along with everything else. I felt so bad for one co worker. We'd all been working at home for two weeks when he was laid off. I can't  imagine looking for a job in this environment.

I bought myself a Big Green Bissel Carpet cleaner. It actually works on my recycled plastic bottle carpet. I don't have a black trail down the center of the hallway on off white carpet anymore. I was impressed. That was five years of being too overwhelmed to have the carpet cleaned. One section at a time. Everything is one thing at a time.  Too bad I can't get rid of all the things I am willing to part with. I just keep filling up the  backs of the cars.

And now, it's dessert for dinner. Strawberry Shortcake. I haven't had that since last summer. Then I'm going to spend tomorrow making face masks for the places here who want donations. There are a few hospitals that figure something is better than nothing. I have to agree.

[OffRoad]

Journaling today. I had a nice Skype sessions with D. She dropped the little bomb I was expecting: Christmas with her father this year. I'm not going to lie, that was not an easy conversation. D knew it and we soldiered through anyway.

It turns out last year XH said the kids should have Christmas at his place. To her credit, D said " This is not the year to do that." (My mother died last year) and to his credit, he said he could see that.  (and yet, he still asked....). So D broached the subject today. I told her I was expecting it, and that it was hard, but fair. She said she still wanted to have Christmas with me and could we have Christmas on another day? She would fly into where her father lives, pick up S and drive home. We could spend two weeks before Christmas, get a tree, celebrate early, then she and S could drive back on the 23 or 24. I told her the day doesn't matter, it's the presence (and I spelled it so she would know I didn't mean Presents). She said I was a master punster (which I pretty much am). I asked her what car she would drive and she mentioned XH's old car and said he's gotten a new one. A Tesla (check another box off on the MLC checklist). I laughed and said exactly that (check another box off) and D laughed and said, "Mom, you have no idea." I do know he buys $100 slippers he doesn't wear, but I digress.

So what are the chances that D and S will actually make it here for anterior Christmas? Fairly slim. There's covid, to start with. Then there is relying on using a very old vehicle that belongs to the person who believes I am the spawn of the devil. XH is famous for coming up with "reasons" to stall (last year S barely made it in time to get a tree). But I think I'm OK with that. Sure, I would be upset and cry, but that's OK. It good to be sad when things don't go as you'd like.

The conversation was difficult, and as I told D, it might be the fair thing, but It's never going to get any easier. That they both have their new family to go have holidays with and  I'd be lying if I said it won't hurt when they have to make a choice, every single time. Because it will. For anyone who can "not care for the sake of the children", good on you. I will always care that my kids get stuck with crappy situations they have to figure out how to navigate and it will make me sad. But I also told her that my feelings are mine to deal with, that I will work through them and that she needs to do what she needs to do. Then she said.....wait for it " Now I have two families to celebrate things with." and I stared at her. She took one look at my face and said "That wasn't the right thing to say, was it?" I just stared at her some more. I couldn't speak and not fall to pieces. D said "I may sound like an idiot sometimes, but I know how hard this is for you and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you never asked me to pick sides. I know you didn't want to be next to dad and stand there like everything was great at my (college) graduation. But you did it and I have pictures of me with both my parents and I am so grateful I have them. You are always there, no matter the cost to you." and I took a deep breath and said "Thank you for saying that. I appreciate it."

I realized it would have been easy if I never had to see or hear from XH or about him ever again. But I get this great reminder that I have to split my already very limited time with my children. And that if they want to also spend time with me in a year when they either want to or feel obligated to visit or stay with their father, they have to jump through hoops to make it happen. S could not come home for summer because his father would not put him on a plane (made sense} and does not want me to pick S up at the house (makes zero sense). S doesn't want to cause problems. It the "Why does the the A$$hat who caused this mess get to make all the rules?" syndrome.

It's a frustration, but it will pass.

On a better note, I built my sit and stand desk last weekend. The normal height I like it at is about 3 inches higher than a standard desk height. I can push a button and the desk rises to my perfect standing position.  I just have to get rid of the other desk and set up my TotalGym again and I'm back in business. Oh, and then get rid of all the quality belongings in piles in various locations. I found 2 netbooks I thought we'd gotten rid of ages ago, a stack of CDs, a whole bunch of papers to go through and a basket of...stuff. Anyone need a metal slinky?

[gman242]

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn." (If you know where that quote comes from, you are my kind of person)

After at kid at airsoft a couple weeks ago said what do we do? I said the exact same thing. 🤣

I am surprised to find that specific quote but after reading your thread, not really either.

I can't believe I only just now caught up with you. We're lot more alike than I realized. You'll have to forgive me.

I just started year 4 July 4th. Although stay at home started back in April for me and suddenly one day I too went through everything in the house and said I don't need it and got rid if it.

There's a million reason why I / we never did that when xw and I were still together, I suppose, but I'm kind of learning towards it being her, the hoarder streak that runs in her family and growing up poor. I guess they felt the need to hang onto everything because you never know.

I never posted about it but I mentioned to xw when she was over once that I needed to do something about the lack of space in the pantry. It's tiny and we always wished we'd had a bigger one.

She suggested I get rid of my desk in the alcove in the dining room and put in a free standing cupboard. There was no way I was giving up what little space I had, since I already gave S the second bedroom for all his computer and Nintendo gear.

Anyway, my common sense got the better of me and I went and cleaned out the pantry by throwing out anything that was out of date. Long story short, I don't need any more space. I have more than enough now.

It's a bit ironic how much she criticized her grandma, her clutter and expired food.  I just never realized her "what are you going to do?" Kind of thinking.. I absorbed it by osmosis or something. There was really nothing stopping us from cleaning out all that we needed to.

[stillbaffled]

Yeah, why does the a$$hat that caused all this mess get to make the rules?!?  I've wondered that myself a few times. 

I'm grateful that I don't share children with my MLCer.  My heart goes out to those of you that do. 

I love that you got the sit and stand desk built.  I've been asking for one of those at work for a couple years now.  I guess I just need to put the money out myself and get it done myself.    Nice work, OR! 

[PJ Ames]

Holidays are so difficult aren't they?

I had always expected my kids to come home for the holidays to W and I once they were grown up and moved out. But now it's going to be a matter of alternating or splitting holidays.

It sucks that the one who blew up the family and ran off still thinks they're entitled to 50/50 of the kids' time. Not fair at all to the spouse who stayed.

Enjoy that standup desk. I love mine. Now if I try to sit for hours at a time, I find it really uncomfortable.

Keep enjoying the scenic routes, OR!

[KeepItTogether]

I guess I should be grateful that my H runs scared around the holidays. Makes me sad for my S, but at least he gets to be around stable people all the time. Of course when he gets married, I know it will be a whole different ballgame. I think for those times, I may need to look into travelling somewhere for a holiday or 2....provided we are someday allowed to leave our homes again.

Love that you built your own desk. I love that style to. I may need to invest in one. Were you always handy like this....or is this a newly (or forgotten) acquired skill? I ask b/c now I find myself fixing sinks and toilets when I can and assembling outdoor furniture. I used to do this in my 20's.  But never since H. And now that he is a lost boy I am doing in again in my late 40's. Kinda fun actually...and very satisfying!

[OffRoad]

Good to read you, gman. I actually have the pack-rat syndrome that I am trying to break. I think having to clean up my mothers house was the tipping point. Plus, there comes a point where it just doesn't matter if "I might need that".

Hey SB. you really do need a sit and stand desk. I had the desktop riser at work, and it was better than nothing, but having my base desk sitting 3 inches higher insures that I am not slouching even a little. I don't have knots in my back and shoulders anymore. You deserve one!

Hi PJ, The holidays. I think I'll be creating my own un-Holidays this year. A very merry Un-Christmas. Have a Holly Jolly Anterior Christmas! Post Christmas wishes! Happy New Years Eve, Eve, Eve. Valentine's Day stinks, Mardi Gras!  There has to be some greeting cards in there somewhere.

KIT, I have always been a hands on person, learned car repair, crafts, metal work, woodworking and graphic in college. But I also seem to be able to pick up on how something is done.  It's a good thing, too, since XH left me with a front sink and no plumbing, a garbage disposal in need of replacement, holes in the walls where he worked on wiring, then covered the 2 X 3 foot hole with a giant pizza box (no, you cannot make this up), broken gates and garage doors I had to shore up until I could afford to get them replaced (who knew opening a gate where you don't have to lift, drag, and shoulder over the fence post could be such a joy!!!!), replace infinity switches on the range, and replace dripping water faucets. I do not, however do electrical, so I hope and pray that what is behind the Pizza box was done correctly. I'm afraid to replace the wallboard for fear the wiring is not sound, and it's not on the list of things to pay for someone to do just yet. (I could wall board and mud and paint myself, but still need someone to check the wiring.) You will have to tell me about the projects you have done. Did HS ever have a thread for that? We should.

Thank you all for stopping by. And now, I am so proud of myself. I, like I think many here, am not very good at blowing my own horn, especially at work. I just do and hope that it is noticed. My place of employment has been not doing too well for the past several years, and no raises that were not a requirement were given. (There is a minimum that must be paid for my position or the company is required to pay me overtime. Considering I put in about 5 extra hours a week, that would be bad for them.) In honesty, I know if I left, they'd be in a world of hurt, because I am the last person left who knows the ERP system as it was custom built. I do my job and about three others. We have had an upturn with the whole Covid thing. Kind of makes sense since we sell online. Then I found out how much the c-suite makes (these things just happen, I don't go looking for it) and I thought, if they can make that kind of money, I deserve a better salary. So I did my research, put together my list of accomplishments and sent a very professional and polite email to my boss. It was clear, though, that if I did not get a raise, I would not be ignoring my linked in emails any longer. Just a reference to "This is how much a person with my skills is worth, based on these open positions out there." I asked for considerably more than the minimum requirement. And I got everything I asked for.

Right in this moment, life is good. Five years ago, my life came crashing down around my ears. I hadn't worked full time for over 14 years at that point, and was beaten into the ground, I had been gaslighted, lied to, lied about, stolen from, verbally abused and abandoned. It was all I could do to keep my head above water and get my D through her last year of college and my S through his last year of high school while working 45+ hours a week with ZERO help from their father.

Today, I am slowly getting my house in order, buying what I want and need instead of what everyone else wanted or needed, driving off road, loving what I do, and now being paid fairly for it. And I am doing it while sit and standing on my own two feet . It may not be a reconciliation, but it's a heck of a success story.

Live long and prosper!

[OffRoad]

I pulled up my thread to note something interesting for me. D is coming back to home city for a new job and asked if she could stay with me for a while so she could save up some money. She has been living in MA since 2014, either going to school or working. I don't know if it was covid, or working from home or what, but she had come out for a visit a while back. She worked from the bedroom, I worked from the living room, at the end of the day we slapped together a meal, made crafts and watched crappy TV. And it was pleasant. I supposed she realized we could still live under the same roof and not kill each other.

I laid down a few rules (like clean your own bathroom, to which she replied "If you'll let me know when it needs it, because I won't notice.")and that she will have to pay the difference between what I would have spent on Utilities and groceries and what is extra, but I won't be charging "rent", and I know I will have to go back to having checklists on everything (the joys of having dyslexia for my D include needing some kind of list to check off somewhere). It will help her to save up faster, as she would like to buy a house at some point.

I'm glad to have her back local. I hope we can still manage as roommates. I'm not looking forward to not being able to do my laundry at 2 am, but I'll survive. I never did dance naked in the hallways anyway.....