[Jackolar12]

They think if they say it’s your fault enough people will believe them and play the victim. Don’t respond to their drama, keep being nice and people will see through their bitterness eventually.

[Shockandawe]

Hi 3boys

Well, firstly, he is still the great husband, awesome dad etc, it’s just that person is buried deep under the fog blanket. He is, for the time being, somewhat akin to a sulky, moody teenager ( think throwing tantrums when things don’t go how they want them to) but he has the body and strength of a man. The fact he wants everything to be perfect in his fantasy world is obviously never going to happen. In his fogged up and skewed head he is doing nothing wrong and he seems to think you are the reason this happy and united Walton’s style family are not living happily ever after. ALL FANTASY!!
As for the ow, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear she’s in the driving seat stirring it all up because that’s what the majority do. She will do all she can to provoke and prime him ready to target you as the unreasonable one. He most definitely is targeting you and monster is his rage at the guilt and anger he is feeling but rather than looking at himself for the reason he is blaming you.
You need to keep your distance from him and go as little contact as is possible. He has already shown he can be violent and has no regard for either you or his sons. This makes him dangerous and I would definitely go as little contact as possible and if that means getting the courts to enforce it then do so.
Protect yourself and your boys as much as you can because he’s going to be this way for a while yet.
The man you know and love is in there but this awful person has replaced him for the time being.
I’m sorry you are going through this but remember this is not the awesome dad and husband anymore.

Shocks sis

[Savoir Faire]

Hi shock's Sis and thanks for staying with us.  I hope the questions we ask also help you examine your own MLC and help you to heal.  I also guess that by now you have a really good idea what the life of a LBS is like and it's not pretty for the MLCer or the LBS.

I am wondering when you feel most of the work on yourself was done?  Did it take until you woke up for you to begin to put yourself back together and examine your issues or do you think your affair partner helped you grow up and work on some FOO issues during replay?

I am going to post links to Heart's Blessings pages which gives her take on what happens during crisis which may help to explain what I am asking and if you agree with her explanations?  Each part is only one page in length so not as bad as it looks but does a wonderful job of explaining the crisis  (I hope).

https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/past-parental-issues-and-the-affair-partner-an-explanation/
https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/the-children-of-the-mid-lifers-issues/
https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/a-deeper-look-at-the-children-of-the-mid-lifers-issues/

Thanks......

[Father5]

Hi Shocksis,

How was your daughter with the OM? Did she ever meet him and what age was she when/if they ever did and what was their interaction like?

[3Boys4Me]

Thanks Shocks Sis, hearing directly from a survivor of MLC, one who has walked through the tunnel and come out the other side willing to share your story and perspective with us is truly a gift to the LBS, thank you

[Shockandawe]

Hi Savvy

I met om online and we hit it off. Only because I was already on the way to MLC as I would not have looked at him twice. He was very laid back but also very manipulative. I thought he was my perfect man so blind to reality and desperately trying to escape that reality. I feel I started to deal with my issues once my blinkers came off and I started to hate om. I berated him constantly and was angry and never wanted him anywhere near me. I see this as regression to dealing with what my father made me feel as a child.
Once the om has served his purpose he was not needed any more and so I told him to leave.
I feel I am still adjusting to my feelings about it all but knowing I have settled my issues and am continuing to deal with my life and will probably be doing this for the rest of my life though it’s not a bad thing because I no longer suppress it.

[Shockandawe]

Hi Father

My daughter was only 8 when she met om for the first time. I took her with me to his home country and although she liked the holiday she was very quiet around him. When he came to live with us she basically just ignored him most of the time and she resented his presence as she had me all to herself before he came to live with us.

[1trouble]

SS

I had a very vivid dream last night about my MLC'er which brought to the forefront of my mind how we were, how happy we were and how content I use to be, how we had each others backs

And it made me wonder does my MLC'er have those sorts of dreams in crisis AND is there a point in the crisis where they experience flash backs of how things really were.....before crisis

I can, even now, have times where totally unaware something innocuous can take me back to a happy time, like the weather we are having in the UK atm and trying to keep my dog in the shade when I walk him, reminded me of a place we all (MLC'er me and the dogs) use to go in our caravan which was perfect for the dogs to exercise but in the shade and it made me sad and wistful, totally out of the blue

Did you have those sort of dreams or moments I describe, at any point in your crisis that you remember or did those sort of things happen as you started to come out?

[Savoir Faire]

Thanks for your reply Shock's Sis, it's what I thought may be the case which is great because my xH apparently has seen the grass is not greener but there are not enough holes in his dike yet

I hope you found the information Heart's Blessing provides useful and we are helping you on this journey too.

[Keep believing]

Hello,
Would you please share examples of how om was manipulative? thanks