[Stand Tall]

I have found the H doesn't lie to me much. Instead he talks in riddles which I'm use to and can figure out what he is saying. He's been a lier all his life due to foo issues and I always told him that if he were honest with me I would not get mad over anything as long as he was honest, so it's now keeping secrets or talking in riddles. Because of this I just don't ask questions.

-Stand

[ChrissYAH]

SS

Were you even aware that there was something different/wrong with you, or was it all just "business as usual?"

I am trying to imagine what my XH was thinking as he was getting married, what he's thinking now, and how he will feel once he snaps out of it.  I would think that if he never felt there was a problem in the first place, he wouldn't even care.  Am I right?

thanx xxx

Yes exactly, this is what I'm curious about Im wondering will it hit him like a ton of bricks or will he just think he's made a mistake and sit there in the $h!te created trying to make it work.

[beyondblessed]

Can you expand a little on the lying, for example lies to OM, friends (those who did and did not support your actions)? This is a hard question but what made you stop lying?

It turns out he didnt go see the sick friend.   He was visiting ow instead.   Why lie about this?  I assumed he was going to see her until he lied otherwise.  His ow didnt even know he was telling me the lie.   So it makes no sense to me.   This is an example of a type of lie he tells all the time when it seems to serve no one for any apparant reason.  Does any of it make sense to you?   Thanks Ss.

Yes, all of this.  The lies are completely unnecessary and do seem to serve no purpose, except to ease the guilt they feel.  I don't pretend to understand any of it.

But, I too, am curious, Shock Sis about how you were able to come full circle and stop with all the lying., if in fact, you believed it to be the truth for so long.  And, again, I apologize if you've already answered this many times, but how long were you in crisis?

[Jackolar12]

I think they lie because their persona is fragmented and they are trying to re-establish a new persona by experimenting with various image management options available to them to find a good fit.

[nah]

When I was five yrs old my mother told me not to take a cookie from the cookie jar.

I wanted the cookie, so I took it anyways.

She asked me who took the cookie.

I knew taking the cookie was wrong, so I lied.

I didn’t want the consequences of telling the truth.

Too simple??

[Anon]

When I was five yrs old my mother told me not to take a cookie from the cookie jar.

I wanted the cookie, so I took it anyways.

She asked me who took the cookie.

I knew taking the cookie was wrong, so I lied.

I didn’t want the consequences of telling the truth.

Too simple??

No, not too simple if there are perceived consequences for telling the truth.   What about the lies that serve no-one?   Not even the liar?  The lies told when there are no consequences for being truthful?   Why lie when being truthful is neither right nor wrong but just neutral?   

[Acorn]

No, not too simple if there are perceived consequences for telling the truth.   What about the lies that serve no-one?   The lies told when there are no consequences for being truthful?   Why lie when being truthful is neither right nor wrong but just neutral?

The lies may seem pointless to us, but not to MLCers.  Anything remotely (like 1000,000miles) to do with OW or A was enough to make my H lie.  Guilty conscience and the fear of consequences.

I don’t think we can apply our judgement as to the consequences/purpose of lies to the way MLCer perceives them.

Thank goodness, H does not blame the fog or messed up thinking (crisis, you know) for his lies.  If he did, I know he is still in MLC and the blaming mode is switched on. 

Lies are conscious decisions made by a person.  There is no lie manufacturing machine outside MLCer’s head. 

[nah]

When I was five yrs old my mother told me not to take a cookie from the cookie jar.

I wanted the cookie, so I took it anyways.

She asked me who took the cookie.

I knew taking the cookie was wrong, so I lied.

I didn’t want the consequences of telling the truth.

Too simple??

No, not too simple if there are perceived consequences for telling the truth.   What about the lies that serve no-one?   Not even the liar?  The lies told when there are no consequences for being truthful?   Why lie when being truthful is neither right nor wrong but just neutral?

Mine did the stupid lies that didn’t matter also.

Bury us in BS and maybe we will stop asking. If you tell me the truth 50% of the time, I might keep badgering you for answers.

Less questions, less consequences.

[Nas]

When I was five yrs old my mother told me not to take a cookie from the cookie jar.

I wanted the cookie, so I took it anyways.

She asked me who took the cookie.

I knew taking the cookie was wrong, so I lied.

I didn’t want the consequences of telling the truth.

Too simple??

No, not too simple if there are perceived consequences for telling the truth.   What about the lies that serve no-one?   The lies told when there are no consequences for being truthful?   Why lie when being truthful is neither right nor wrong but just neutral?

The lies may seem pointless to us, but not to MLCers.  Anything remotely (like 1000,000miles) to do with OW or A was enough to make my H lie.  Guilty conscience and the fear of consequences.

I don’t think we can apply our judgement as to the consequences/purpose of lies to the way MLCer perceives them.

Thank goodness, H does not blame the fog or messed up thinking (crisis, you know) for his lies.  If he did, I know he is still in MLC and the blaming mode is switched on. 

Lies are conscious decisions made by a person.  There is no lie manufacturing machine outside MLCer’s head. 

I agree with all of this.  There are perceived consequences.
"I'm going to visit OW for a week."
In MLCer's head, the response from LBS will be either a) anger, b) sadness, c) a truth dart, d) complete indifference.
All of those responses would/could elicit some emotion from the MLCer that they don't want to feel.
Therefore, they simply lie and avoid any possible consequence.

[Acorn]

I agree with all of this.  There are perceived consequences.
"I'm going to visit OW for a week."
In MLCer's head, the response from LBS will be either a) anger, b) sadness, c) a truth dart, d) complete indifference.
All of those responses would/could elicit some emotion from the MLCer that they don't want to feel.
Therefore, they simply lie and avoid any possible consequence.

Totally agree with Nas.
It’s all about MLCer.  Lies serve them in some way.