IMO, as a general rule MLCers own the LBS and often children more than they will ever be ever to replay.
In my country addiction and alcoholism are considered illnesses and treated as such. Addicts and alcoholics still own to those they cause hurt and damage.
MLCers are legally capable people, therefore responsible. Blowing someone's life up, or worst, as some MLCers do, and think the person does not even deserves an apology is, IMO at least, strange.
MLC involves depression, depression skews the mind.
However, at least in my country, a depressed person remains responsible for their actions unless a psychiatrists has formally declared them not responsible/incapable. Usually a college of psychiatrists and it tends to require telling a court so and getting a legal document to attest said person is not responsible for ther actions.
The same is true to other types of illness, neurological ones, physical ones, an medical expert, or a college of medical experts, will have to offially give the person has not capable/responsible for their actions.
I wish it was recognised medically because I know I wasn’t in my right mind my normal frame of mind when I exploded my life.
It isn't. Even if it was, it wouldn't do of much aside to provide support to LBS and children. If you read the threads of those whose MLCers went to see a doctor or a therapist you will notice that it made no difference. The MLCer still went ahead and blew their spouse and children lives.
It is not the MLCer that blew their life, both my real life and HS experience tells me that former MLCer tend to come of MLC, be fine and have no real consequences of MLC, the MLCer blew other people's lives and many times left them with lifelong issues of all sorts.
I personally don’t feel I owe my ex h an apology for the fact I wasn’t capable of controlling my own mind though I feel deeply sorry for what happened there is a difference.
I personally think every MLCer that did what you did own their spouse far more than an apology.
Some MLCers, myself, Ready2, etc. never blew a marriage. hjad OW/OM or did he terriible things many MLCers do, for us, things are a little different, but if in our milder and less deep in the fog MLC we happen to have hurt or cause pain/damage to someone we own that person an apology and maybe even more.
Some MLCers remain in Replay 10., 13, 15 years after BD. They lead perfectably able lives. Mr J is one of those. He has a new woman, not OW because we have been separated for over a decade. He is fine, thank you very much. Making nice money, new woman, fine expensive clothes, etc.
The one thing which he is not fine is when it comes to the way he treats me. He remains mean, monster, nasty, never allowing for all the many pending legal and financial things to get sorted out.
There is nothing in his past life that could explain 13 years of Replay.
My view of MLC is not connected to childhood issues, it is connected to untreated depression and to people being able to afford to have a MLC.
Ultimately I didn’t have control of entering MLC, it just happens to some people at certain times in their lives.
If you didn't had any control of entering MLC, why do you wish it was medically recognised? What difference would had it made?
Mr J was offered professional help more than once, he always refused it. His fantasy is not OW (not anymore, at least), there has been three different women since he left.
It is not even djing and clubbing. He has been saying he is tired of it for at least 5 years, always making sure he gears it up when a new woman comes along and when a new woman comes along he becomes nastier towards me.
Have in mind we live more than 300km apart and, at most, there are a few e-mail of the odd phone call (from me) to deal, or try to deal with legal and financial issues. We do not have talks of any other sort nor is there regular contact.
Also have in mind I had a MLC myself, I understand it a little bit and that it has been 13 years since Mr J left. He is not like you nor like me, nor like MLCers whose crisis lasted 2, 3, 4 years.
Like the other long term MLCers, he is different. Why there are long and short time MLCers I don't know. I suspect in some cases because the mess they keep causing during MLC keeps pilling, they need to run from it causing more mess, hurt and damage, it pilles more. It becomes a vicious circle.
MLC may be more understandle if seen as a cumpulsion. But even compulsion is accepted by the medical community.
I have been reading a lot about addiction, alcoholism, compulsion, neuroscience, neurobiology. For me, mentall illness is often neurological illness. If it affects the brain/is on the brain, it is neurological. Even when hormones are the cause of depression if is often neurological since they are connected to the brain.
Terra, most MLCers come out of MLC fine. They don't end up with a clinical diagnosed mental illness for life. Depression is mental illness, but there are many types, including mild, temporary one.
I think MLC can be treated and prevented, but the general consensus it is something that has to be lived through and nothing can be done don't allow for much interest in it.
And if it has to be lived through and nothing can be done, medicine is of no use.
So most of the MLC'ers blow up everything, do terrible things, the whole nine yards. Some (a few) are somehow able to not blow everything to smithereens and maintain some rules/values/etc.
Why/how is this?
As with everything MLC as degress. And types of MLC, High Energy MLCers and Wallowers are quite diffferent. Both have degress. There are live-in MLCers and MLCer that leave, most seem to leave. The basic scrip, especially for High Energy MLCers is the same, but there will be differences from MLCer to MLCer.
I mean it's obvious the MLC'er is compelled to do things they normally wouldn't do..... but to say there is no choice, I just have a very hard time with that. There is always choice, isn't there?
There is a choice. But MLCers rather run that stop, be quiet, think.
Instincts may scream for one course of action, but the mind ultimately makes the decision and it knows what's morally right and wrong.
The mind can be messed up with depression and several other things going on the brain brought by the rush of the affair, etc. MLCers know right from wrong.
What happens to morality while in MLC? MLC'er don't kill people..... an MLC'er knows that's wrong. What about the other stuff?
Some of them try to kill their LBS. Mine tried to kill me, LP's one tried to kill her, In It's one tried to kill her. Mine was even up to kill an unborn baby if I really happened to be pregnant. Most don't go that far, but moralitty is out of the window for many. An affair is not moral, is it? Leave your spouse to go lead a life with someone else is not moral is it? Not paying child support and/or maintenance is not moral is it?
Shocks sis recovered MLCer 8
Author
Topic: