[rosetintedglasses]

Mego I also do not want my children from a broken home. I have realised this is out of my control however which I find very difficult but it is equally important to me that I raise my children with a feeling of security, and that they are important (H FOO issue) - this is within my control and therefore I will use 100% of my energy on that. A no anger, not bitter but fun environment for them to grow and thrive. With H having left, how my children turn out reflects on me.

Sorry Sis, back to you...

[Keep believing]

SS,
How did you feel when you would leave your Om after a weekend fling? My h actually has a ow in my town. like 4 blocks from me. We have been here for 20nyears, raised our children here. He and ow  actually go to parties directly across the street from me. Stays at ow house on weekends.  how can he possibly get up leave her house without thinking about us, his family? every time he leaves her place , I wonder if he thinks , "what am I doing"   I mean right here in a small town!!

[Keep believing]

A little of things going on,  He has reconnected with my boys 29, 23. My d 19 doesnt talk to him.  He has said a couple times, too much damage has been done. Whatever any of this means.One time he asked how do i fix this.   

[rosetintedglasses]

Sis

BD 3 years ago, H moved out 2 years ago.
He is now saying he will never come home as he doesn’t want to ever feel like he did again (he also has a OW2). So it’s like his memory of the last year or so of us living together was so bad (MLC) that he relates it to our marriage and won’t go back to that. Did you ever think like this? Or when you became properly aware was it obvious that although the end was bad that was not the marriage, that was your MLC?

In essence ‘I had a depressive crisis during my marriage, now I am happier so wont go back to my marriage in case I feel like that again’.

Hope that made sense!
Rose 🌹

[Keep believing]

What i am also asking  because of the comment he said there is too much damage..... has he had some sort of an awakening?

[Jackolar12]

What i am also asking  because of the comment he said there is too much damage..... has he had some sort of an awakening?

Hi KB,  My MLCer said words to this effect during the early days of bomb drop when her other man dumped her. She told her friend and her friend brought it up in conversation with me whilst out in a bar.

Her friend had suggested to her about us getting back together but she answered “ there’s too much water gone under the bridge”. I think they know the depth of pain they have inflicted on everyone despite the Fog and are just saying this as part of the MLC word salad.

[Cherry Blossom]

Hi KB,  My MLCer said words to this effect during the early days of bomb drop when her other man dumped her. She told her friend and her friend brought it up in conversation with me whilst out in a bar.

Her friend had suggested to her about us getting back together but she answered “ there’s too much water gone under the bridge”. I think they know the depth of pain they have inflicted on everyone despite the Fog and are just saying this as part of the MLC word salad.

My thinking on this is that they've already started the affair by the time BD comes round.  They won't admit it but they have been unfaithful and, I'd imagine that inside their heads at least, they've planned an alternate future/fantasy life with the OP.  That's maybe what they mean when they say it's all too broken?

[Anjae]

My thinking on this is that they've already started the affair by the time BD comes round.  They won't admit it but they have been unfaithful and, I'd imagine that inside their heads at least, they've planned an alternate future/fantasy life with the OP. 

In Mr J's case he has been involved with OW1 for months before he left (I have long forgot when BD was). He and her were writing to each other, planning their future life together that was going to last forever.

They never lived together and lasted some 15 or 18 months in the open.

For me the problem is not the original alienator, but that some MLCers have more than one alienator/keep having new people.

MLC reality is not always, alienator gone, MLCers crashes and burns, starts to see straing, wants to make ameds/come back. Often the MLCer just moves to a new alienator/person.

Thinking the break of the relationship with the original alienator always equals the end of Replay and the MLCer wanting back may lead a LBS to think that will always happen, when we have many stories on HS that prove otherwise.

[Essential]

I think so too Anjae. The positive thing to remind ourselves of here, is that this shows that the alienator is a symptom of the crisis.

[Cherry Blossom]

For me the problem is not the original alienator, but that some MLCers have more than one alienator/keep having new people.

Yes, this absolutely Amjae.  My exH was infatuated with his alienator/Catfish but all the while pursuing other women.  My W has her OW but the last few months every woman was attracted to her (in her head) - even a doctor she visited was flirting with her - allegedly.  The alienator and even OP 1, 2, 3 etc are not special.  They either realise and get out or are discarded for the next one...