My questions which I am struggling to understand and would appreciate your LBS thoughts on....
• ? Is Liminality and Withdrawal the same?
• ? In HB post she mentions that the MLCer won’t communicate with anyone but how then how do they do their job? How do they live ? or Deal with the people they live with? Etc???
(My H I think is in Liminality/Withdrawal and he at the moment lives with my D 22, and he speaks to her when she speaks to him but otherwise he is very secretive (again – was better months ago) is always trying to be busy and is acting MLC er crazy plus seems to be popping at times back into reply activities but the main replay activities and stuff are nearly over; he gets angry over little non things, acts like a teenager and child at times, treats D like she is his wife one minute then ignores her for days.From HB
“‘During this time, they will NOT communicate with ANYONE, not even their spouse, as they are drawn so far within, no one can reach them. They MUST be allowed to continue, with NO interruptions, just like before-they will NOT come out until they are READY to come out. Just like in Depression, they want to left alone, still processing their issues and the damage they have done to their spouse and their lives, and they make several decisions during this time concerning their lives, job, and marriage. But those WON'T be known UNTIL they break Withdrawal and talk to their spouse the first time”
• ? So if they are in Withdrawal/Liminality how then do you then
lead them along if you are supposed to leave them alone? How do you know when is the right time (My H is an in and out er?)?
From HB
“They are still secretive, somewhat asserting their privacy, much like a teen-ager, but during this time, they must be gently but firmly led along, and only when the time is right-a wrong word at the wrong time will cause them to "stick" within the tunnel. “
• ? How do you deal with the anger when it’s directed at your children not you?
My H really is hurting my D with his very MLC behaviour as he I think has replaced her as me because of her living with him because of her first job).
She virtually leaves him alone but then gets angry with him.
• ?. Do you think this will hold him back (D living with him) or be a help to him in any way – not that I have any control over the situation, anyway? and how can I help my D deal with his anger and crazy behaviour which I am afraid will destroy his relationship with his D and S?
My H is never angry with me now, (with D and S 24) but seems more frightened/nervous etc of me – has told me that I am not to feel guilty (when I said I did feel guilty over not pushing our friends to invite him to our joint godsons (their sons) confirmation). He doesn’t want a Divorce as I offered him one (His lovely (NOT) Mother told me he wanted one and I should not stop him being happy)
From HB:
“You will see some Depression and Anger within them, they are mostly angry at themselves, but will take it out on you, and there are times you will have to be quiet and just leave them alone; letting them work things out, and they usually will, as the answers, such as they are STILL come from within them, not outside sources. “
• ? In connection to RCR view on Liminality –what is your views on why MLC er’s run back into replay behaviour ? Have you seen this? I have but it’s not as manic ? and he is showing a new him? but then he seems scared and runs again - anyone seen this? behaviour??
From the articles from RCR: Liminality
‘A time of withdrawal into quiet solitude, but for not all people withdraw and there are those who will continue to manifest their depression through escalating anger;’ ‘The MLCer has no Self; he is suspended in nothingness. It is no wonder they cycle by running back to Replay behaviour. The start and end of stages are transitional places where the MLCer exhibits characteristics familiar to both stages. The cycling gradually diminishes at a rate that is dependent upon the degree of wounding buried in his Shadow. Those with greater wounding have more to avoid.’
My H has said he wants to be a better person and not be the person he is now (this he said 6 months ago!!) since then nothing that I am aware of... he ignored some texts in the summer (me just being nice re kids etc) but then a few weeks ago texted asking ‘how’s u?’ (Think H is about age 14 maybe??When he sent this text?) And what did I think of something he had done at work and was on the web? – interview So... I listened to it and he made a reference to me? I said something about it on the text and he owned up to saying it in a roundabout way?
He is reading psychology today (tweets articles from it) which he told me just before bomb drop that is was rubbish (I did psychology at Uni)?
He went to a Shakespeare play after telling me at BD that he hated going (after 25 years of us going)
• ? Do you think this is right the OW can still be around my H seems to not have an OW but many OW ‘friends’, which D says are not romantic as she can tell?? But they seem to need a lot of people around them their new friends my H seems to be drawn to women as friends (real mix-lesbians, single older women, work colleagues etc) does any other LBS have this happening to them?
From HB
Many MLC adulterous relationships continue through depression; though the dynamics of the relationship will change.
Your views & help needed???
Love B x
No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one is true.”
Strength is when you have so much to cry for but you prefer to smile instead. - Andy Murray
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. -Marilyn Monroe
"The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." - Mary Pickford
Limbo & Awakening, Liminality, Withdrawal... Confusions
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