[megogirl]

Sis

When you had your Awakening in the shower, do you know why?  Was there some sort of event that triggered it to happen?

I’m needing some reassurance that something has happened to him- that he doesn’t even know who I am -like someone with Alzheimer’s.  Accurate?

Thanks xxx

[Shockandawe]

Hi Mego

No there was no trigger involved with the rush of feelings, at least none that I was aware of. I didn’t have my headphones on or my sunglasses so in the craziness of my MLC persona it was unguarded in a way.
As for your ex h not knowing you I was the opposite. I knew exactly who my ex h was he was my enemy though in that particular moment he was the man I loved, he was my h. This came as a shock as I was living my fantasy land life and became quite indifferent towards him though I think this again is all part of the process.
Told you it’s crazy but I think it was all necessary in order to process that which I had buried long ago.
That word again Mego, time. It can’t be rushed, it cannot be skipped over. It’s a journey with no shortcuts.
Build yourself up even if it’s from the ground but it’s something you need to do in order to move forward. Don’t become stuck and weak be strong and free yourself from his madness.

Shocks sis x

[Shockandawe]

Hi BIB

All I know is I blew up my life, that of my ex h and our marriage to come full circle and be back where I started but without my ex h.
I know it was necessary but it is a very high price to pay.
I wish you well as you come across as a good person dealing with a world of cr*p.

[megogirl]

Thanx Sis

It’s so funny, you quote RCR (without meaning to) when you mention time and also “having to go through MLC from beginning to end.”  So clearly you had some clarity during your journey?

I was so hurt last night seeing XHs finger with a fat ring on it.  I thought of you and prayed he would experience exactly what you did.  I’m willing to wait (personal challenge) but sometimes need reassurance in my Stand.  You give me that.

Xxxx

[Keep believing]

SS,
DO YOU THINK THE LBS CAN PROLONG THE MLC? ESPECIALLY WITH CALLING THEM NAMES, TELLING THEM WHAT THEY ARE DOING WRONG AND SO ON?

[Shockandawe]

Hi Mego

At the very beginning I had confusion this moved to anger and then to indifference. Interestingly, it was during the anger merging to indifference was when the first clearing of the fog happened.
It is only with hindsight I look back now and truly understand the utter destruction I and I alone caused though in my fantasy bubble I was doing nothing wrong and I didn’t care what happened to my ex h until I did start to care and I did start to have clarity.
It’s so difficult to explain but I know I became a totally self absorbed and cruel person so completely different to the real me.
I was pathetic and weak and addicted to om or rather how he made me feel. The realisation that I was in a life I didn’t recognise and had brought all of it about by my own hand was truly horrific.
It again takes such a very long time to go full circle but that was what I had to do.

[Shockandawe]

Yes keep believing I do

It justifies in the MLCers mind that they were right in thinking you are the enemy, controlling, bossy etc.
Don’t react just respond positively and give them no reason to justify

[xyzcf]

Thank you for continuing to share so clearly your journey through the crisis. Your words jumped out at me this morning:

I know I became a totally self absorbed and cruel person so completely different to the real me.

10 years later and he continues to be cruel...there is no need to be but for some time now, I have been aware of how cruel the things he does actually are.

I do not think it is intentional, I do not think he realizes how cruel his actions are....never the less the impact on my life, is a result of his actions.

Thanks so much for all you are giving to HS members.

[Marchingforward]

Yes keep believing I do

It justifies in the MLCers mind that they were right in thinking you are the enemy, controlling, bossy etc.
Don’t react just respond positively and give them no reason to justify

Thanks for your input and so openly sharing. I agree with this, and it also makes a challenging road for LBS at times.

My h was married before me. Sounds like (From him and the kiddos) the marriage was really bad. Over 10 years divorced and his XW continues to treat him like crap.  When my H came back at the end of April this year, one of the things he did was thank me for being kind. There have been many times over the past two years when I feel angry and would like to retaliate, but I believe that would be another hurdle for us to overcome when he does come home.  It's not always easy. I'm glad I've learned a bit about boundaries. It's  a little bit of a balancing act to be kind, and also assert boundaries.

Shock--do you have any insights into remaining kind while also establishing boundaries? One of the things my H said when things were going poorly was that I didn't care about him at all.  This is not true in the least, although I was working 60+ hours a week and I do believe he was feeling neglected (although he didn't tell me that and I would have dropped hours if he had). Anyway, I sometimes struggle with this now because I have asserted some boundaries in a kind way, and I do feel at times, that he sees this as me not caring about him. I'd be really interested in your insights on this. Thanks!

[Bewildered survivor]

I was unstable and during my time in MLC, as I worked subconsciously through my issues, I began to think more positively about my ex h but it would pass and the fog returned. Each time this happened, I would spend more time with the positive feelings and for longer periods. This is how I used the holes in the dam analogy.

When you had those longer periods of clarity & positive feelings would the fog then come on thicker??

I’m pretty much no contact with xH. It’s only when I’m in the car or in the room when kids FT him (it’s in court order to FT twice daily from my phone until they have their own). I ask this question as today is Diwali. It’s an occasion where we have many memories before & after the kids together. I have thankfully continued the traditions with the kids. I noticed on FT today that xH was acting really weird- talking like a teenager & kept repeating himself. Also kept talking about how he spent the day with OW’s son & how OW had cut his hair & then kept asking the girls repeatedly if they noticed  . So he didn’t see his own family (not forgetting that Diwali is Hindu Xmas day). When he FT’d last night the girls & I were doing something he would have been involved in. It’s like any reminder or clarity of old life brings on this weird behaviour.

The behaviour prompted me to ask you this question as I’m curious to know what you experience after the clarity is? & if it’s pain driven or just more running?