[MyBrainIsBroken]

Everyone has some of the traits. Narcissism isn't an on/off condition. Everyone lies somewhere on the continuum with some people being more narcissistic than others. People with NPD are very far along the continuum.  MLCers seem to shift more towards the narcissistic end of the continuum during their crisis. The question to ask is how narcissistic were they before the crisis started?

[Disillusioned]

Looks like it might not be a bad thing...  for the narcissist...

https://www.bbc.com/news/education-50184281

[OffRoad]

BPD AND NPD are both cluster B disorders.Imo, both could be learned behaviors as well as trauma behaviors. If all you see is dysfunction, then dysfunction seems normal. While Ex MIL  was never diagnosed with BPD, she has all the traits of it. She was my first experience with projection that I could specifically see was projection. I have always suspected xh of BPD since I learned of it.

The only advantage was how I dealt with him. I dealt with him like a person who suffered from BPD, and that usually kept monster at bay (not always). Whatever the label, it's not ok.

[Velika]

I agree with Treasur's recommendation for Out of the Fog website. No matter what it is you are dealing with, this site offers language for what you are witnessing and strategies for interacting (or maintaining distance) in these situations.

However, one thing I strongly disagree with on this forum is the advice that it doesn't matter what your spouse has. If your spouse has a mental illness that can be diagnosed, and you share young children, I think it is imperative that you continue to seek out support until you find someone who will listen.

Clues that your spouse may be suffering from a mental illness or biophysical event include:

• Recent changes to medication.
• Family history of mental illness.
• Radical change to personality, spending habits, and behavior.
• Other physical symptoms, such as new migraines, flat/emotionless expression.
• Sudden loss of empathy.
• Loss of emotional attachment to pets, home, children etc.

Some of these are couched in different terms on this site, but they are not the only way to describe them, and using the correct terminology may make the difference in a doctor/lawyer/child therapist listening to you and helping you to protect your children and yourself.

Barring any of these, and an honest assessment of your spouse's behavior throughout the marriage, may reveal your spouse has always had a personality disorder. In this case, I think it is really important to rely on advice for dealing with disordered people to avoid further traumatizing yourself. I would also specifically seek out a therapist with training in personality disorders.

I feel worried that at times people will engage in arguments about diagnosing on this site as if we are all dealing with the same thing. It is very likely we aren't. All to say, use this site to get information, but I would caution anyone from taking any comment as the final word or best advice, even. Each circumstance is different.

If someone tells you on this site that your spouse does not have a mental illness or does not have a personality disorder, or not to seek help, they are being irresponsible in my opinion. Try to rely on what you know of family history, your memories of your spouse, and what you are directly observing. Trust your own perceptions first and foremost.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Try to rely on what you know of family history, your memories of your spouse, and what you are directly observing. Trust your own perceptions first and foremost.

Great advice!

[Thunder]

Here is one article RCR had:

https://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/2013/09/09/personality-disorder-or-midlife-crisis/

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Good article Thunder!

[Wilderheart]

Googling again and I came across frontal temple lobe dementia which can affect younger people, normally around the mid forties age, in some instances it's the persons personality that changes first and they lose empathy and social inhibitions, this can occur long before memory loss and classic symptoms of dementia. Still just me trying to make sense of the senseless of course. Decline from this form of the disease can be quite rapid so time will tell, but I sincerely hope it's not the case for anyone's MLCer here as it's not cureable and very nasty. I do question if my wife does have a personality disorder, there was a few odd moments over the decades but mostly they occurred when she was drinking heavily and judging by her social media posts she's certainly doing that every night it seems. She's pulled her page again, this happens every other week, but it looks like she's been downing a bottle of whiskey every night. Not sure how long she will be able to continue working at that rate, and it certainly goes some ways to explaining her alleged eating disorders, her solicitor now is attempting to blame on me. Most friends just think she is a horrible person and I'm better off away from her, she's still in monster mode and I expect things to get much worse before and if they ever get any better.

[Jackolar12]

Age regression and behaviours that can be perceived as teenage bring out undesirable facets of the personality that may be the polar opposite of pre MLC sufferers. The MLC person is revisiting long forgotten coping mechanisms they used in the years prior to adulthood. They are like children experimenting and learning how to fit in with their new MLC lifestyle and have tantrums when they don’t get their own way (monster) IMHO.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Jack's explanation makes sense to me.