[Nas]

I see nothing inappropriate in Thunder's post. Velika's post is the one that should be flagged.

Unpopular opinion: neither post, nor any others that do not contain abusive behavior or threats, should be flagged.
Velika is expressing her thoughts. I vehemently disagree with them, but I also strongly support her right to express them.
We had a member banned for life here for, when it all boils down to it, repeatedly expressing unpopular opinions. Let's learn from that and stop the "tattletale culture." We're all human. We're not all going to agree. We're going to anger each other sometimes. 

[MyBrainIsBroken]

If you have to lie to damage someone's credibility, why should anyone take anything you write seriously?

Sorry Nas, but disagreeing with Thunder is one thing. Velika would have been fine if she would have stated "I'm flagging this post. She did not say this." and stopped. Accusing Thunder of lying and questioning why anyone should take anything she writes seriously is abusive. Are you suggesting that we should put up with abusive posts?

I think we should be able to disagree without becoming abusive towards the person we're disagreeing with. I think we expect that of our children. Why wouldn't we expect it of each other?

BTW, I suggested that Velika's post is the one that should be flagged but I didn't do it. But if I do report an abusive post, does that make me a "tattletale"? Should we just let people get away with being abusive? Just accept that that's what happens when people disagree and look the other way? I think the answer is no so I've decided to go back and flag Velika's post and let the site administrators sort it out.

Feel free to call me a "tattletale".

[lawprofessor]

I really don't see why this poster's thoughts are an issue for anyone. 

People here are presumably adults.  They are faced with making up their own mind about standing, about financial considerations, about child custody issues, about housing issues, about rebuilding their lives, about their belief as to MLC, and the possibility of their spouse returning.

Surely, people can make up their own minds on the topic of bvftd as well.

Let's not forget that there are many many posts concerning other rarer medical conditions that MLCers are rarely diagnosed with, but those posters are commonly praised and exalted for providing information about.  Should the board censor them as well? 

This is nothing more than a continuation of the teenage mean girl immature behavior of some on this forum, in my opinion, in the blatantly obvious quest to cleanse the forum of anyone who's opinion doesn't comfortably match their own, followed by the childish need to pile on and gang up on a poster with an unpopular opinion to beat them into silence and submission.

Yet, some of these same posters complained bitterly when they believed the same was happening to Shocks Sis. 

One would think anyone here should have bigger things to spend their time on, like rebuilding their lives.

Lp

[3Boys4Me]

Clarification, a member was banned for life because she choose to ignore moderation and blatantly went around the administrator’s temporary restriction, not because of anything she wrote. The very difficult decision to ban her was explained by RCR herself, so let’s not conflate the issue.

[Nas]

Clarification, a member was banned for life because she choose to ignore moderation and blatantly went around the administrator’s temporary restriction, not because of anything she wrote. The very difficult decision to ban her was explained by RCR herself, so let’s not conflate the issue.

The ultimate decision to ban her took into account the vast number of complaints received in the past.
I'm not conflating anything.
There were a number of posters who were newer to the forum who had a strong negative view of Anjae - posters who had not interacted with her long enough to form such a negative opinion but nevertheless had that negative opinion.  It was being strongly perpetuated from somewhere.
I am not going to engage in any further discussion of this, but let's not pretend that what happened didn't happen.

[Velika]

The poster we are mentioning had a husband who was diagnosed with bvFTD, but showed many of the symptoms that appear here. Initially she did make a stronger statement, but qualified her remarks. She personally felt that many of us were dealing with late-onset bipolar and possibly bvFTD.

She was very well researched, intelligent person. Maybe she could not have helped the people who commented above. But she may have helped someone else who needed it, and isn't that what we should want for everyone who arrives to this forum?

I had never heard of bvFTD, bipolar, schizoffective disorders, personality disorders, etc. when I arrived at this forum. I am pretty sure I got here when my mom said it sounded like my now ex was having a "midlife crisis," after I had exhausted looking up "exit affairs."

I wish, truly wish, that someone had been around to ask me a few differentiating questions and possibly even to tell me, based on YOUR story, I think he may have a medical condition. At the time we had a seven-year-old. Because I had no language or background to tell a doctor, therapist, or lawyer in medical terms what was going on, instead having to say things like affair or crisis, I think I was not taken seriously.

I deeply believe it is irresponsible, and I'm sorry, childish and unsophisticated, to approach MLC as a single condition. I know we all need to vent, but sometimes I have noticed it's okay to laugh at a MLCer's behavior or write they are all "bat$h!te crazy," but when someone suggests an ACTUAL mental illness or diagnosis, sometimes they are actually told to leave this forum and go elsewhere! Even by people who advocate agape love for someone who has basically betrayed, robbed, and abused them, looking for any and all meaning and hope in their erratic behavior. I don't get it.

ALL people who come here deserve to ask questions, share what they think, and help others in a way that has helped them. If you don't agree, then there are plenty of other threads. I don't think it is honest to mischaracterize the words of someone else just to make a point.

One of bvFTD's primary motives was to help prevent LBS suicide. She had seen this happen a lot. The woman thinks she is replaced and doesn't understand. If someone can see early on that no, this isn't an exit affair, and this is the possible way the brain might misfire to cause this, I think they are far ahead. Keeping people stuck on euphemistic milestones like "touch and go's" could just be another language for a cyclical mental illness. I was just discussing with a friend offline how we wish we knew at bomb drop what we knew now.

I don't care if anyone who posted before disagrees with me, I really don't. I'm writing this for people who want answers, who could lose things they really care about, who want to protect their children and also, paradoxically, their unwell spouses if possible.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Thanks for posting the clarification 3Boys. That was my understanding as well. I read RCR's explanation for the banning. I believed her when she wrote that the member was banned for defying RCR's attempts to preserve forum decorum. I felt RCR was given no choice under the circumstances. I think her decision was appropriate and completely justified.

[Treasur]

Thank you for clarifying your thoughts, Velika, and the rationale behind them.
It is so difficult isn't it bc we simply don't know? Time sometimes shows us things but often all we can do is make the best informed guess we can. And often with very little RL support or validation. We (and others I suppose) don't know what we don't know...it has always seemed like a good thing to me when any LBS feels more able to trust their own deep instincts and judgment even if others don't.

Is there something in your situation which has brought these reflections to the forefront recently for you?

[Songanddance]

Firstly this is not about Anjae.   
The member concerned did inform us of a condition that probably all of us had not heard of before. It made for interesting reading and at no point was she told that this condition did not exist nor that it was inappropriate for us to learn about it.

Velika has picked up on Thunder's comment that this particular member seemed to have dismissed MLC in favour of BvFTD and for some time despite even RCR's requests to tone it down persisted in insisting that al newbies get their MLCers to the docs for testing.  There is no denying that bvftd exists and that sadly it is a fatal illness. This is a copy of one of her posts explaining the symptoms of her H's BVFTD.

Yes, my husband has the empty eyes and expressionless face. The "shark eyes" you mention is called the FTD stare. The eyes are the window to the soul, and the soul resides in the frontal lobe.

J also has the frozen face and the off-kilter smirk. He walks with an upright wide-based gait.  Others walk with shuffling steps listing to one side.

J hasn't complained of headaches but the very few blogs of people with FTD with self-awareness have reported intense migraines.

Yes, J exhibited severe restlessness before and after he left us. He is still on the go. He is disinhibited. The apathetic types hole up in a room, eat candy or potato chips and watch television, construct puzzles or play on the computer all day.

I told the neurologist about J's incessant rubbing of his knee, snapping of fingers, thigh slapping and autistic-like rocking in chairs and clapping each hand like a hand puppet. Others report whistling, pacing and humming. These are called stereotypies. J has also exhibited echolalia.

A symptom is hypersexuality. The disinhibited hire prostitutes or have affairs. The apathetic type may just download porn all day.

She was at perfect liberty to continue the thread.   However for many LBSers on here - these symptoms and others did not match what they were seeing and so they continued to develop their knowledge of MLC and its own discrete symptoms.

Velika has always been a keen supporter of BvFTD's info and that is fine. 

What is not fine is for her to call Thunder a liar and suggest that she has damaged the credibility of another member.  This is bordering on breaching the code of conduct :
Be Respectful
We are here because of our shared marital trauma. We feel rejected, angry frustrated, confused, scared… Sometimes our emotional turmoil leads to conflict with each other. We understand this, but our situations are no excuse for poor behavior and mistreatment of others. When people do not feel safe in our community they leave and you lose your support group.
Respectful behavior is polite, tolerant and considerate of the feelings of your fellow posters and seeks to resolve conflict with peace and empathy.
Disrespect results in hurt feelings and distresses, disturbs, and/or offends others. Uncivil behavior is rude, impolite, discourteous behavior that displays a lack of regard for others.

Be Kind, Choose Your Words with Care
Please be kind and gracious to your fellow community members. Insults, bullying, harassment, threats… will not be tolerated. Inappropriate behaviors include, but are not limited to:
Violent threats or language directed against another person
Discriminatory jokes and language
Posting sexually explicit or violent material
Posting (or threatening to post) other people's personally identifying information
Personal insults

And as Law Professor states 

Surely, people can make up their own minds on the topic of bvftd as well.

Thunder did and so did Velika. Just because they disagree does not make one or the other a liar.

[Not Applicable]

I agree with S&D. I learned something from bvFTD's posts. However, the number of people with this disease is statistically very small. I believe something like 1 in 4000 or even less. The chance that there was even one active poster on the forum at the time that had a spouse with the disease was very low. I read about the disease, and found that it was quite clear my H does NOT have the disease because he simply did not have the hallmark symptoms at all.

What bvFTD did that bothered me was that she was fear mongering, because bvFTD is ultimately a fatal disease and coming into a forum and telling everyone that there is a high probability that their spouse has a fatal disease was insensitive. I believe there was even a Daily Mail article about the disease that was less sensational and if you are familiar with the Daily Mail, that's saying something. That said, I don't know if she should have been censored.

As an aside, about Anjae. We got an explanation about her permanent banning, but there was some other censure applied to her immediately before that and we got zero explanation of what it was about from RCR. I got a PM from Anjae from that new account right before she was permanently banned and she was vague but it sounded like she was censured based on her tone alone. I cannot confirm if what Anjae said was true obviously, but as Acorn said on another thread, what if her choice to create a new account was a protest of a prior unjustified censure done knowing full well that it would get her in trouble? One only needs to look at the danger people put themselves in around the world to protest against unjust governments to understand a move like that. Because thumbing your nose at an unfair moderator is child's play compared to participating in protests in a dictatorship, so why not do it?