[Whyus]

I posted this on "Shocks sis recovered MLCer 11" but it got taken off put on here. It was not About Menopause and not meant for that thread. Nice, freedom of speece and all.

You can blame me - it looked like you were posting to Jack and not SS.
And I had just moved his discussion here.
OK OP. I thought it may have been you. It was meant for SSs Thread really, i cant read it and I dont. ist painful and feels like a trap to me.

[Disillusioned]

Hey Jack

I think this post is pretty much what I have found in my research on this subject.

So as you have found out some women think that menopause is just nothing at all but a blip on the radar screen.
Others find it very turbulent.

This all applies to men and andropause also.
I went through a trying time in my 40's that I can look back on and see that it was the start of my andropause.

It did not get me divorced but maybe that contributed to my ex wifes issues that caused me to end up here.

Anyways I have split off this to a separate discussion and I might even participate if I have time.

I'm glad to hear that we aren't abandoning this avenue.  I think there are many people who believe MLC may be tied to hormonal changes.    I posted a link to a female MLC article from Oprah a few months back, and it definitely covered the theory. In it, a doctor who believed there was some connection, said he told his patients not to make any major life decisions for 10 years when they were diagnosed with menopause.My W was definitely peri-menopausal prior to going off the rails: she'd been diagnosed, she was having hot flashes, she couldn't sleep and it was driving her crazy.  Our bed was stained from her sweat on her side.  She was 44 when it started.  She told me, once OM was discovered "I told you women in my family had bad menopause and to be ready for a bumpy ride."  (I don't recall ever hearing this prior.)  On my way out the door to move out, she said "You know I had to grieve the relationship with OM.  And my hormones are messed up.  I've probably got more testosterone in me than you."     Was she just making excuses?  Perhaps.  Not owning her behavior and choices, I guess.  But I know that menopause was a cloud hanging over us for several years before everything blew up.  I also know my D attorney, a woman, asked me several pointed questions when we first met:  "Is your wife menopausal?  Is there an OP?  What do you know about mid-life crises?"  30 years of practice in family law lead her to believe hormones are definitely related in both men and women.

Take this for what it's worth and I'm sorry some of the female LBS's here find this topic, or the way it's being presented, as triggering.  We should definitely be sensitive to that.  However, I find the argument "I had menopause and didn't have an MLC, therefore there's no relation" to be about as effective as "I know people who smoked until they were 90 and never got lung cancer and therefore cigarettes don't cause lung cancer."  What if andro/menopause + bad FOO = MLC, and andro/menopause - bad FOO doesn't?  Simplistic I know, but I think the search for possibilities is one way to gain further acceptance by the medical community.  Does that mean that knowing what causes MLC can stop it?  Well, no, I don't think so.  But knowing is half the battle, isn't it?  I believe my W was searching for an explanation as to why she felt the way she did.  Perhaps, had there been more specific causal analysis out there, she might have known there was a reason she was hating me and falling for another man and been able to weather the storm.  And then again; maybe not.   

[Jackolar12]

 Nice  to hear from you OP, the research figures are staggering aren’t they. I feel as though I’m in the Andropause at the moment I mentioned it to the nurse while in hospital today she was very understanding and sweet about it. I bet you are glad yours is over it can last for over ten years in some men. The constant fatigue and aches and pains are the worst for me coupled with the knowledge you can’t do what you used to.

Thank you for splitting the thread I would not have had a clue how to have done it as I’m a technophobe. They didn’t have computers when I was in school and I was thrown in the deep end when I went to University. I can manage Ok but there’s a lot I need to learn. I didn’t intend to start a thread just yet but let’s see what develops.

Your right there are those that breeze through the Meno and those that have it rough. I’m on another international site so I get to hear of some really troubling cases. It seems a very touchy subject for some but Shock Sis has been very informative and pleasant about things.

I see similarities in the Menopause/Andropause and MLC and I’m curious to know if it could be a contributing factor in my x wife’s case. If it was I cannot hold things against her for being ill and following her hormones as they drive us all. All I hope is whatever has changed her subsides and returns to her usual self. I seek logical and polite replies concerning this from like minded people and don’t want infighting to occur that wrecks threads.

Your very welcome to participate Old Pilot and thank again.
Kind regards
Jack

[OldPilot]

I'm glad to hear that we aren't abandoning this avenue. 
I think there are many people who believe MLC may be tied to hormonal changes.   

We should not abandon this topic - and HB and others all write that MLC has hormonal changes tied to it.
It might not be menopause or andropause but likely perio menopause and the same for andro pause.

Hormonal changes are definitely tied to why we are all here.

And at this point I can say that is not even my opinion but a fact.

[Jackolar12]

Hi Why us, a 4x2 is what I need I think at the moment this year has been really bad emotionally for me I think I’m in the Andropause as I’m the right age for it. I really wish someone could wipe my thoughts out of my mind and put only the good ones back in.

Thinking about it all the time as you say is also not in my best interests so I try to distract myself with my hobbies. It doesn’t help my legs been in a plaster cast for 3 years and cannot drive right now. God willing if it heals and I can walk properly again I will go back to University as that really keeps me busy with assignments.

I do try but it just keeps coming back to haunt me it’s exhausting, I have tried several other women but they don’t measure up, perhaps one day one will come along when I’m ready and I’m not there yet.

You have made excellent progress I keep an eye on your threads and your very positive about your situation. I’m hoping I would have been there to long before now but it’s just not happening even though I want it to. I have thought about being hypnotised that might work. I’m from Wales Whyus you are too aren’t you. Thanks for your advice.
Kind regards
Jack

[nah]

Jack,
The way you are feeling and how you are responding to those feelings are perfectly normal. Chumplady calls it “untangling the skein”, it’s a normal coping mechanism to try to figure out what makes your cheater tick so you can ensure they will never hurt you again. If it’s foo issues, you can call a therapist. If it’s MLC, like shocks sis, it’s temporary and not their fault, so all you have to do is wait it out.

Don’t we all find the perfect articles that have the answers?  Aren’t we all tempted to send the “answers” to our MLCers?

Maybe it’s “The Menopause” (using the word “The” might be what’s pissing off some female posters, personally I thought that phrase was unusual but a bit humorous). 

Menopause causes many symptoms, having sex with whoever says yes and then lying to my husband about it, isn’t one of them.

Let’s forget about your spouse for a minute, you are grieving your marriage. After denial, usually comes anger. I was good at that one. 

I don’t see a lot of anger from many of the men on here, It’s like you guys jump over anger and go straight to bargaining and just hang there.

Bargaining-

During grief, you may feel vulnerable and helpless. In those moments of intense emotions, it’s not uncommon to look for ways to regain control or to want to feel like you can affect the outcome of an event. In the bargaining stage of grief, you may find yourself creating a lot of “what if” and “if only” statements. Bargaining is a line of defense against the emotions of grief. It helps you postpone the sadness, confusion of hurt. If you can just understand why, you can possibly change the outcome and no longer feel the pain.

Sound familiar?

[Disillusioned]

 
Menopause causes many symptoms, having sex with whoever says yes and then lying to my husband about it, isn’t one of them.

Nah,

What does cause that, then? 

[nah]

Choice

[OffRoad]

 
Menopause causes many symptoms, having sex with whoever says yes and then lying to my husband about it, isn’t one of them.

Nah,

What does cause that, then?

I'm not nah, but lack of morals?  If you aren't in a relationship, you can sleep with whomever you like, with as many as you like as long as you don't lie to any and say they are the only one (still a morality issue, imo), no foul.

If menopause or andropause caused people to sleep with other people and lie about it, everyone would do it, but they don't.  There has to be a personality issue for that kind of selfishness, possibly a developmental stage that got missed, also imo.

[OldPilot]

 
Menopause causes many symptoms, having sex with whoever says yes and then lying to my husband about it, isn’t one of them.

Nah,

What does cause that, then?

JMHO

Hormonal imbalances is a contributing factor to this