[em5731]

HI init

Im not saying anything to him. Im glad he ackwolegdes the pain he caused back then, he seemed remorseful in his message, But that event happened 27 years ago. Unfortunately he has done many bad things since then. Hopefully for his kids he is working on him self.

kiT
Im sure he is trying to get me to say thats ok, I forgive you. I don't forgive him. I learned to live with it. It is something that still bothers me to this day. Maybe he feels bad. nice of him to join the party as I have been living with this for years. He is changing for sure, no Monster and he has admitted to my daughter that he has made at lot of mistakes. But that monster can show up at anytime.

 

[Treasur]

It does occur to me em that, if his processing and remorse are genuine, if he is just at the 27 years ago mark now it might take him quite a while to get to more recent transgressions  .....like watching paint dry  ....makes complete sense to shrug and leave him to it imho 

[em5731]

Treasure do you think he is working his way up the years of his life. Maybe that’s why he isn’t acting like a teenager. Interesting

[Treasur]

Treasure do you think he is working his way up the years of his life. Maybe that’s why he isn’t acting like a teenager. Interesting

I've heard stories here that suggest they might. I think RCR might mention the idea somewhere actually. That basically in crisis they subconsciously regress to a point in time of whatever most wounded them and subconsciously recreate patterns in an effort to deal with whatever that was about. In fact, my first trauma IC, based on a short potted history of my then h, said that I would most likely see him behaving like an angry abandoned 15 year old which was pretty close to what happened....no idea if he has made it into his 20s by now lol

[em5731]

That is very interesting. I didn’t know that. We had been married for 5 years if thats where he is now. Hopefully yours is in his 20s. Lol. Ex had all his childhood issues way before that. Maybe he already worked through it. But I’m sure the last 5 years will be a doozy for him. Lol

[em5731]

I mentioned to my older daughter that my car was having some issue, and she recommend a mechanic. He fixed my car and when I went to pay he said the bill has already been paid. My ex called before I got there and told them to bill his credit card. Shocking !

[Gracie3]

I am so glad to hear that.  I’m like you, skeptical of everything the MLCer does, but am so glad he did that for you.  I tend to get anxious about my future and sometimes my thoughts run ahead of me.  I just finished a devotional which told me to just be grateful for this moment and see the blessing in the present day and instead of worrying what tomorrow brings.  So grateful for your blessing today.  Who knows what tomorrow holds but we can be thankful for today. 

[in it]

Em

 

[em5731]

At first I thought who is he to know what im doing and pay my bills. But then I seen the amount and said ok.

Gracie I am skeptical as he has been around a lot and trying to do descent things. My thoughts used to be all over the place as well. I could not stop thinking about all of this and it got better as I do think of it but just in a different way now. You are right we never know what tomorrow brings as I never lived in the present until all of this and now I am grateful for every day I have

[Treasur]

Hmm...for some reason the phrase about Greeks bearing gifts springs to mind, em 
Ah well, if your xh has expectations, that is his problem. If you are content to see it as a small recompense for what I imagine is a large amount of financial obligations he previously failed to meet lol....no problem for you