[Dragonfly33]

Don’t give  it a thought. Whatever comes out of their mouth, most of them are lies. They want to be friends because they don’t want you to move on from them. They want to keep you to boost their frail egos. Or it’s just guilt. Either way it’s a waste of energy. But if you’re just a couple of years from this I know it’s so hard to detach yourself from the rollercoaster of emotions your MLCer is trying to put you through. With time you‘ll understand and will learn to not give a hoot anymore. At least that’s what happened to me.

[Ready2Transform]

It's been a while since I recounted some of these:

"You're like a limb that I have to cut off to save the rest." (said while he pantomimes chopping his own arm off)

Him: "Oh, I meant to tell you, (OW's H) has a new girlfriend!"
Me: "Why are you telling me this?"
Him (kind of ticked off that I'd ask something so dumb): "Well I know how much you were worried about him. I just figured you'd feel better knowing everyone had found someone else!"
(Actually, at BD2 my words were, "What about her husband and kids? You ever think about THEM?!" I pointed out that *I* didn't "find someone else" and that spoiled his mood.)

Me: "It's like you no longer have any of the same morals or values."
Him (jovially looking to the sky): "YES!!!!"


Make no mistake, BD1 was 13 years ago, and for the year or so more that we kept in regular contact, I was traumatized by all of these conversations with the alien. It took a long time to climb out of that hole and process the grief, anger, and utter turmoil. None of this will ever be fair.

But one thing he said that was absolutely true (though he said it from a much higher horse at the time):

"I think we'll come out of this as the people we were meant to be."

He and OW are absolute nightmares that are stuck with each other, and I am happy, creative, healthy, and healed. I'll take it!

It won't always feel so bad, I promise!

[Hopeful5]

My STBXW is different. She not only doesn't want to be "friends", she pretends like I don't exist. Completely ignoring me.  After 23 years of a genuinely happy marriage - a marriage where were were literally around each other 24 hrs a day from the time we met - running a home business and homeschooling, never fighting - BEST FRIENDS. Almost overnight I became the DEVIL.

My favorite comments:
"You're a continuation of all the bad patterns and people in my life"
"You don't make me feel safe"
We'd always used tons of hearts and kiss emojis in all of our text messages. Overnight she changes to smiley faces only, no more hearts or kisses. She acts like everything's normal. I bring it up and she says I'm being controlling, and acts like I'm crazy for bringing it up.
She had a vivid dream that I died. After asking her If she thought it was some kind of an omen, she said "I know what I saw!" LOL
She said she "forgives me for herself", but cannot bring herself to actually tell me that she forgives me.
Also, "Why would I go get therapy or couples therapy for YOUR problems?!" 
My favorite, "If you were physically removed from my life all of my problems would go away". Kinda psycho actually... Looking forward to see how this one pans out...

Everything else she's done is far to passive aggressive, weird & complex to put into a single sentence or statement.

[Dragonfly33]

I remember mine telling me this which really confused me:

H: I am like Hancock ( Will Smith‘s movie). The further I m away from you the stronger we both get. 😂😂

Here‘s another one:
H: I am a lone wolf. I am meant to live alone. ( first thing he did during his MLC was find all the women in his past and spent time with whoever was desperate to have a man in their lives)
When I finally kicked him out, not even a month after he found a woman 17 years younger than him.


Bottom line is, what comes out of their mouth is just lies.

[beyondblessed]

Besides my xh complaining how I always cooked with peppers and onions,  knowing he "hated" them, but ate them when I occasionally did use  them in something like fajitas, my most memorable encounter a few months into the crazy was me telling him he didn't look happy and him screaming, red-faced and almost in tears, "I AM happy".  Lol, coulda fooled me  .   Oh, and he still thought we (me, him and ow) were all going to be besties 

[Nas]

Not long ago, one of my siblings who has been in possession of my mother‘s phone since she died shared with me a text exchange between my mother and my former husband that began right after BD and lasted right up until the day before he moved out without telling me. It was disgusting but I’m by now fairly numb to the cruelty. (Picture your spouse sitting down with Regina George from Mean Girls and creating your “burn book” page together - that’s what their conversations were like.) But the funny—not funny ha ha, but funny-you have to laugh so you don’t go insane—part is that in their texts, he first said to her a version of a statement he would months later write to me in a vile 7 page letter that I still have but never look at:

“She wants to talk about facts, but this isn’t about facts, it’s about FEELINGS!”

I know he was a narcissist who simply ramped up his narcissism, but I honestly can’t think of a more MLC statement than that. “My delusional lies are MY TRUTH, therefore they are true, regardless of the actual truth.”

Gosh, I haven’t thought about these in a long time. Among the many inexcusable things he ranted at me for after BD were:
Having plastic hubcaps instead of rims (he was “embarrassed” whenever he had to borrow my car),
Being “too generous” (I made  meals for our elderly neighbors and sometimes did their shopping),
Watching Dateline (I was apparently trying to learn ways to off him 🤔)
And keeping my hair very short (he NEVER knew me with long hair, I had a pixie when we met).
And here’s one that still makes me laugh at the way he screamed it like it was the worst sin imaginable:
You did your own makeup (at our wedding)!

I mean, if that isn’t proof of *whatever he was trying to prove* I don’t know what is. 🙄

I could probably come up with 100 more off the top of my head. A lot of it was to throw me off the scent of the destruction he was causing behind my back. And a lot of it was pure projection. There were small snowflakes of truth at times; they were hard to find in the crushing avalanche of dishonesty, manipulation and cruelty. I sorted out what was truly mine at the appropriate time through therapy.

Someday hopefully you’ll be able to laugh at most of it, but until then, please don’t spend even one minute of your precious life trying to interpret or read between the lines or find the hidden meaning of anything they are saying. There is none. Any meaning we assigned to the rambling is meaning that comes from within US, from what we hope is true or from what we fear is true. When people are safe, they are not puzzles we have to solve. And we all deserve to be safe.

🎶 https://youtu.be/N20HYZg8clo?si=zMJ4Xk_oku3YCtZf

🎶This is a crisis I knew had to come…

🎶People who change for no reason at all
It's happening all of the time… 🎶