[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

but the one trigger that I still have is when she still lies about her "fake work trips" when she goes away for a couple of days.  She has had two trips this fall where she left early on Sunday and came back Tuesday evening exclaiming it was for work.  Well, there is no reason for her to leave early on Sunday for her job.

No matter how you look at it, the deception hurts. Of course, monstering with the MLCer putting the affair partner in your face is just as hard. Plus, she is keeping the AP out of her kids lives which is also a plus. So often they want to set up home with the new partner to show everyone is happy but you.

You can't let all the voices in your head keep you from enjoying all the great things you are doing with your kids and your time. The time goes fast and before you know it, they are grown. Those young years are gone forever. Only your fond memories of them remain.

I personally think you are doing a great job of detaching and living your life as if she is not coming back. It opens your life to all the possibilities and gives you the power of choice.

I hope you have a great Christmas and keep going strong,

(((Ready)))

[HeavenlyFocus]

Thank you FW and Ready for your continued support.   Your advice and support during my early stages here was so valuable and I'm grateful to be in a much better place today in my life.

Journaling:

I still read a couple of times a week but think monthly posting is about right and things really haven't changed a whole lot.   My goal for 2023 was to have peace in my life and for the most part 2023 is off the great start.   My biggest challenge right now is my relationship with my D15.   She is an awesome daughter, doing well in school, and overall very responsible.   She just doesn't treat me very well and is so closed off.   I have talked with my friends and some are dealing with the same challenges with their daughters the same age.   It's just hard because my D15 prefers XW because she is her mom and it's tough to install discipline when I only have her every other week.   My XW seems more relaxed and acts like a friend more than a Mom sometimes.  I will continue to support my D and give her tough love when needed, but it can be challenging.

As for my XW, something has changed within her.    She no longer seems to be in the high-energy replay mode all the time and instead in more a depressive lower energy state.   Not too much I can read from my interactions but I do notice that something is different.   She is still focused on being a Mom to our kids which I am grateful.   She also is working with me as deal with the crazy parts of our kids activities this winter and spring.

Lastly,  I love having the new dog in my life.   It still hasn't been easy during this busy time in our lives but my D15 and I are figuring out how to work together to help take care of a Puppy.  Other than a tough 3 days after the New Year, D15 has been very responsible.   Can see this is going to work out and the Puppy has been an overall positive in my life and brought much joy which exceeds the challenges that come with a new puppy.

Will post occasionally as things evolve although things have a reached a steady state for that which I am grateful.

HF

[HeavenlyFocus]

As for my XW, something has changed within her.    She no longer seems to be in the high-energy replay mode all the time and instead in more a depressive lower energy state.   Not too much I can read from my interactions but I do notice that something is different.   She is still focused on being a Mom to our kids which I am grateful.   She also is working with me as deal with the crazy parts of our kids activities this winter and spring
HF

I take this statement back.   Just had issues with with kids being able to pick up their stuff.   My XW was all over the place about when my kids could pick up their stuff and then she suggested we could it another night. (Not going to work.  Kids need their stuff now).  She said she had company over and I told her to work it out with our girls.    My oldest D came to me and said she was ready to go after talking with her Mom.  Well, XW never mentioned a time to visit and then told me to come in a hour as we were pulling up.   Turns out XW had been drinking beverages and had company over.   I don't care about the company.  Well beyond that, but it frustrates me that she can be selfish.   Just tell me a time, and the girls and I can come over.   

Ok, venting over.  Just love all the fun dealing with my MLC XW.   

HF

[UrsaMajor]

The more things change, the more they stay the same.... MLC'ers are focused on one thing only and that is themselves and their needs/wants/desires.... Nothing else matters.

As far as D15 goes.... I swear that the time from 14 years, 6 months to 16 is about the worst. I read on a sports group that I am involved in that one mom was considering a convent... She wasn't sure whether it was for her D15 or herself... or both... but most definitely SEPERATE convents  and had the exact same series of issues/complaints that you noted above...

or, as a UM'ism says - "Teenagers... You can't live with 'em and you can't hang 'em by their toes form the ceiling fan either... "  I have my S15 (almost 16) and  D12 so I'll just get finished with the one when the other one will start.... Yippee Yippee Joy Joy...

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Ok, venting over.  Just love all the fun dealing with my MLC XW.   

I know exactly what you mean. Just finished going to court to have a judge order that the QDRO proceed without my ex's signature. For whatever reason, she won't sign it nor declare she is no longer interested in my retirement. Now if something were to happen to either one of us, the entire pension would have to be resolved through probate. Meaning a larger chunk of it would be gone. So, I have to send here a demand letter, file for a request of order, have her served, appear in court, go back at a designated time with my own notary so the court could sign on her behalf. All of this so my ex could get a share of my pension. Yes, my friend, all of the fun to benefit someone else.

MLC'ers are focused on one thing only and that is themselves and their needs/wants/desires.... Nothing else matters.

There is a lot to say about this as many have described the MLCer as an angry, intitled, and very arrogant teenager. It is all about them and they do act immature, but they have the experience and knowledge that many teenagers lack. That's what makes them more frustrating and harder to deal with than a regular teenager.

My oldest daughter and I butted heads from fifteen through eighteen. Now, her husband states she views me as the absolute authority on everything. Yep. Everything. If he says the sky is blue, she won't confirm it with him until I say the sky is blue. Crazy. So, I guess all of us rewrite or review history from a different perspective as time goes by. Now, my oldest does not trust her mother at all. They get along much better now, but my oldest doesn't trust the way my ex thinks and considers her a bit of a loon. Also, my son-in-law is not a big fan of her either. However, my youngest is best buds with my ex and they runa craft booth together.  So goes on the life of my family.

So will yours. Continue to seek the inner peace that you want and that will be a great path for you to follow as you navigate the teenage years with your daughter.

Have an amazing day,

(((Ready))))

[HeavenlyFocus]

Thank you UM and Ready for your encouraging words and advice as I deal with teenagers.   Good luck UM as you navigate more teenage land in the coming years and Ready your experience with your oldest daughter which gives me hope in the future.

Journaling:

I had a really busy couple of weeks since I last posted with back-to-back long weekends with the girls' activities and one being an out of town trip.  The great thing is that I really had a special time with my girls and things have been good with my oldest daughter.   Just continuing to be their rock and watching them thrive gives me pure joy.

My XW hasn't really felt well the past couple of weeks and she still seems not in a good place which becoming normal.   She seems to be struggling but she still is trying with our girls.   Ok enough about her.

Lastly, I have my first out of town trip with my brother this weekend.  It's the first trip I have taken by myself since COVID.   I then leave to another city for a week of work so I get a full week without any MLC drama.    Peace is a wonderful thing.

Life is moving forward and I have have some peace right now.  Have a great weekend everyone!

HF

[HeavenlyFocus]

It's been almost 2 months since I posted and I wanted to wait until I had something new to share.  Feels like my life has been like the movie Ground Hog day where each day just repeats over and over.   No one want to hear the same story on here which I have been regurgitating the past 6-9 months.   Well, something has changed in side of me so time to share.

First the good over the past two months.  Things with my kids are going really well.   Both school and their activities are going really well, and I am so proud of the girls that they have become.   We are staying in the same rental home another year so not having to move this summer is refreshing.   We have a trip to Florida for one of daughter's sporting events followed by a family beach vacation afterward.

My work also continues to go well although it's been very stressful and challenging.  It's been really great to be invested in work in a healthy way as it keeps me busy and a distraction from the craziness from my XW sometimes.   Overall, I am much happier  with my job and even during the stressful times.

As for me, I really feel like that as I approach the 3rd Anniversary since BD, I have emotionally dropped the rope completely.  I have come to full acceptance that the person my XW was during our first 15 years of marriage is gone.  There is an OM now and I have seem him twice in her car and the interesting thing is it doesn't even both me.   My kids don't speak of him and my XW still hasn't said anything.  I would welcome advice on how to deal with this but for now it hasn't been acknowledged and I just don't care to find out any details.

My biggest frustration is my XW has taken a step back in prioritizing the kids in her life.   She has been doing the bare minimum to attend the kids activities, and I called her out on it tonight.   She tried to play the MLCer game of blaming me and I no longer play the arguing game anymore.  I will stick to "facts" and felt I needed to let her know my frustrations with her disappointing our kids.   I am tired of seeing her poor behavior impact our kids.   I know me saying  something probably won't make any impact but I just am done with her foolishness.

Well, that's in for now.   Will enjoy my kids and my work in the coming months which is enough for me right now.

HF

[MadLuv]

HF- the disappointing kids is so hard. i have also taken opportunities to me mention in moments that life is short, you don’t get this time back, etc. They still continue on until they want to face it, but I am one who thinks that it doesn’t hurt to put those truth darts out there. They may be trying to avoid the truth and a little reminder may just help in the long run. I don’t think it can hurt? As long as it is done in small doses and without anger.

[HeavenlyFocus]

Yes Madluv to doing it in small doses and without being angry.  It has seemed to help as she has responded positively to kids needs the past couple of days.

I have been so impressed with the compassion you have shown your XH in spite of everything.  Most people don’t understand our LBS vantage point as we see our former spouse unraveling in their lives

I am committed to moving forward in my life but will always be decent and caring from a distance to my XW. I don’t want to live a life of bitterness so I just try to make the most of every day

HF

[Standing Strong]

Hey HF,

Rope dropped eh? Very good. Such a big thing.

So what's on the horizon for HF? There's gotta be a list 

I'm so happy you are doing well.

-SS