[Reinventing]

Agreed.

[UrsaMajor]

I have read in this forum that I should mirror her way of answering. But I do not want to change who I am and mirror her impoliteness. So I stay myself and do my best to ignore the rudeness. Understanding the MLC & detachment help me to not react. 

There is a big difference between being rude and simply mirroring.....

In the case she chooses not to answer you then maybe it is time to stop asking?

Patient: "Doctor, it REALLY hurts when I stab myself in the nose with this Barbeque fork!"
Doctor: "Well then - STOP STABBING YOURSELF IN THE NOSE WITH THE BARBEQUE FORK!"

[HeavenlyFocus]

Happy New Year Everyone,

It's been about 3 months since I posted and have gotten to a point where I will share updates as I have meaningful information to share.   Appreciate the dialogue back in October regarding how the MLCers view their spouse.    I have gotten to a point where I know who I am and it really doesn't matter to met what my XW thinks.   

Journaling:

I have had a really peaceful couple of months as the year ended.   Thanksgiving was quiet as I didn't have D16 and D14, so I used it to relax before the Christmas holiday.    December was crazy as we are now back into dance competition season for D14.   The girls and I then went to Florida to spend 4 days with my family for Christmas and then 3 days at Walt Disney World.    The trip was amazing except for a 36 hour period where I came down with hte flu the two days before christmas.   Tamiflu and other medicines helped so Christmas Day and the WDW trip after were awesome. 

As for me personally, work is going ok although a little concerned about the pipeline of engagements with my current consulting department.   Hoping things pick up.    I still have not dated and don't have any intentions for the time being.   My focus still continues to be on my 2 girls as I only have  a couple of years left before they are in college.   I am reaching a point where I could be interested in dating but want to wait until I am fully healed and have money to spend on someone else.   

Lastly, life has been tough for my XW as her dad is not doing well health wise and may need to put into a nursing home.   Her mom may also move in with her later this year which would definitely be interesting.    Her Mom as I know her wouldn't have put up with her life decisions over the past 3 years so not quite sure how it's going to work out.   My XW still has compartmentalized her life and any dating that she has done has remained private.   My kids also don't talk about it.   I just find it strange that she kept  any personal relationship activity hidden even 2 year after we have been divorced.

Enough about her.   My main focus continues to be on me and my girls life.   Looking forward to getting back into dance competition season this winter and spring and then doing something fun in the summer.

HF

[FaithWalker]

Great to read an updated HF.  I'm sorry about the flu but I'm glad you were able to enjoy WDW with your girls.

[HeavenlyFocus]

Thank you FW for your response.

Journaling after a 5 month break on the forum.

Well, life here sure has been eventful.  My work has been crazy as we had a recent organizational restructuring with many leaders being laid off.  Fortunately, I am ok for now and have some work with another team which has been fun.

My two girls 16 and 14 are doing so well in school, and we made it through the busy dance season this spring.   I absolutely love being a "dance Dad", and want to enjoy the remaining years with my girls why they still live with me.   Can't believe that both will be in high school next year.   

As for XW, she finally has gone public with a "new" OM, and I can honestly say it hasn't really bothered me much.  Living in secret is not a healthy way to live and at least this new relationship may stabilize life for my girls.    My XW is still very much in her crises and can't interact with me in a healthy way.   The good news is I am point of total acceptance and continue to focus on how I handle my interactions with her.   

I'll end with story to share.    My XW and her OM were getting ready to leave to go out of the country and the day before our two dogs got into a fight and the smaller dog broke her leg.   (Background:  We share the dogs as the larger dog is my older daughter's dog that goes between houses and the smaller dog was our dog during our marriage.   They don't get along and sometimes fight when together.  We keep them at separate houses from time-to-time)

On the day that the smaller dog broke her leg, I came over to get my daughter and checked on the smaller dog.   This is when I met OM and I went right up to him and introduced myself shaking his hand.   I then focused on our smaller dog as she was in a lot of pain.     The next day, my XW and OM brought the smaller dog to my house so I could take care of both of dogs while they went out of the country.

It was  tough week as I had to stop the pain medicine due to diarrhea and had a couple tough nights.    The good news is the smaller dog is doing well now although it will take time for the broken leg to heal.

There is now way I could have gotten on a plane leaving our dog with broken leg but it just reinforces the selfish behavior of my XW.   I still miss the "old XW" but I do not want anything to do with this new person.   Has made it easy to move forward.

I am not dating anyone at the moment mostly due to not having extra money for the dating relationship.    My girls are my focus right now as I only have a couple of years left with them.   I do feel I will be ready for relationship in the future and will see where God leads me.

Well, that is all for now.   Moving forward trying to live my best life.   

HF

[sachertorte]

HF, so glad you are doing well! As a hetero woman LBS, men like you are both an inspiration and a comfort to know. Thank you for sharing and bless.

[HeavenlyFocus]

Thank you Sachertorte,
 I have compassion for all LBS dealing with their situations.

I  came here looking to save my marriage but I  am grateful to everyone to help to save me.  I am at peace with life and it’s enough for me.

HF

[FaithWalker]

How is your doggie doing HF.  Hopefully much on the mend?  Poor little thing.

Wow, 16 and 14 already, time does fly doesn't it?  Enjoy those dance years!

[HeavenlyFocus]

Thx FW.  Always appreciated your support.

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to check in to say hello.  Life here has been good.  I am busy looking for another job as my current one isn’t what I need in my life.  My girls are doing great back in school and overall things are peaceful.

I am done talking about the dysfunctional MLCer.  Not worth putting anymore time into her.

I have finally started to look to date someone again in the past two weeks.  I am still figuring out the dating app world as I had a flip phone the last time I dated someone.  I am enjoying the messaging on the dating apps and hope to go a date soon.  I am in no rush as I am content by myself, but my heart has healed to want to be with someone special.  I deserve it.

Wish everyone the best on your journey.

HF

[FaithWalker]

Good luck to you HF!  Ugh, I hear the dating apps can be brutal.  I haven't wanted to wade through the sludge to find a diamond in the rough, lol.

Let us know how it's going!