[Tsun]

Checking back in! How is the organizing going?

So, I went to see the medium and it was an interesting experience  . I did not leave feeling convinced that he was able to speak to my ancestors and spirit guides, nevertheless, he gave good advice. He told me that the next two years will be a necessary period of transformation and I should not get distracted by falling in love. Makes sense. According to him, it will get really busy, particularly with people to interact with. He further said that my career is on the right track (brief summary). Unfortunately, my h will not play a big role in my son's life and we will end up getting a D. The medium said that it was still necessary for my h and I to have met in order to learn important lessons and to create our son. According to him, there had been a lot of love, but it had fizzled out. He also said my h was damaged in childhood and will never again be able to fully commit to a relationship. I, on the other hand, will find a better, and longer-lasting, new love  . He also gave me some messages from my ancestors that, true or not, were very positive and sweet. Their main message was that they're not concerned about me because I am very resilient and everything is unfolding as it should.

He kept talking about a person with the letters MA, but this did not ring a bell for me. Maybe your nan? 

Overall, it was an interesting experience. Have always wanted to visit a psychic and now I can scrape that off my list  .

Ts how is your week going so far? The same question for everyone else reading here, feel free to join in!

Oh and TS, have you tried gel nails? These last a lot longer. Also, I need to get myself some in and out door husbands!

[thissucks7788]

Wow Tsun, that is so interesting. Sounds like a really good reading.   Smart suggestion not to get involved in a relationship for a while as we are still making sense out of what happened.  Not to mention lingering hurts and feelings.  Good to know that you have another great love out there   I agree that you seem very resilient... I can tell from a lot of what you write and do. If you look back at our original journaling, we have def. made some real progress and it's really not been so long (it just feels that way!) Overall interesting reading with your career, H, son and lessons.

M.A.  -My Nan's name is Mildred Abend.  How weird is that! I laughed out loud when I read those initials.

Sounds like it was a really fun experience!!  Cross it off of the bucket list

Organizing is going slow but pretty good so far.  I had a horrible sock drawer that needed to be dealt with and I threw out a ton of them.  So ridiculous but I'm now proud of that drawer- organized and color coded!  It feels good to make small improvements.  So that is a win.  However, this week I'm feeling a little stuck.  Still not ready to file for D-- not only for emotional reasons but work and money involved too. I just don't want to do it. I feel like I have enough on my plate with work, my son and the house.  In fact, I have an appliance guy here now as the  oven hood broke and needs to be replaced, ugh. (too much for indoor husband)  On the other hand, I feel a bit stuck on this side of things as well.  So, I don't really know what to do and am standing still in some ways.  Other than that, things are status quo for the most part. 

Yes, you def. need an indoor/outdoor husband. I hope that guy never leaves me, lol.  And I will have to try gel nails. I've heard that they are really good, but I never got into the manicure scene.  Maybe I'll dive into uncertainty and try something new

Have a great week Tsun!! :)xo

[Tsun]

TS, your nan, no way!! I don't even know what to say in response to that!

Glad you got your sock drawer organized, and I totally understand the pride associated with it. I cleaned up a desk the other day and am beaming with pride every time I walk into the room it stands in  .

Regarding feeling stuck, it sounds like you are not ready to make a big decision and that is okay. Perhaps you need more time, more information, a conversation with your h, or something else entirely. I do think that despite feeling like you are stuck, you are progressing. I mean, could you have imagined cleaning up a sock drawer and getting excited about that, say two months ago? I too read some of 'our' old treads today and progress is clearly visible.

Nevertheless, it's just all very tough, no way around it. I played trivia again yesterday and all of a sudden I really missed my h. I saw a couple having fun at the bar and remembered how that used to be us. Now I'm doing all these things on my own and sometimes I just don't like that at all.

Despite that, let's continue the summer of yes, get those gel nails and be sure to get a very funky colour, no point in spending your time and money if you don't  . Mine are dark blue right now  .

[OffRoad]

Sparkles. Nails need sparkles. Nothing helps get you unstuck like sparkles.

[thissucks7788]

LOL, OffRoad. I just had sparkles on my toes!!  I totally went for it.  I put a sparkle color called confetti on top of a pink color. I am usually much more conservative but lately I've been throwing caution to the wind-haha!!  You know I just took it off about a week ago because it was chipping.  That explains why I suddenly feel stuck    The magic sparkles are gone   Tsun-I actually have blue on my toes right now.  Not a dark blue, but blue nonetheless.  Only on this forum can we have things like sparkles, sock drawers and mushroom barley soup to make us feel better:) 

Speaking of doing things differently (and this will make you laugh) but this is really a big deal for me.  I have been wanting to cut the cord with cable for about 2 years now.  I have always been too scared to do this (I know that's lame!)  I figured though I am getting through my H walking out and leaving me alone to handle the house, my work and my son, so I can certainly handle this.  What is the worst thing that can happen.  So, I ordered a Roku and so far, so good.  I have 2 more coming and then I am saying Hasta Levista to cable.  I know this sounds silly but I'm excited about this.

I have also started to log my expenses and put them on a spreadsheet.  I want to make sure that I have my financials in order, so I'm prepared for any D scenario.  I've had enough of being caught off guard. So far I got through one year.  I hope that is enough.  It was a little painful when I logged the check for the security deposit for my H's apartment.  In fact, I hated logging the whole month of March as it caused bad memories and feelings.  So yes Tsun I can see where things can just trigger you.  Sometimes you feel like you've really made progress, but something happens, and it sets you back (like you seeing couples having fun together at the bar).  I've noticed like you said in the past though, that you don't usually go back to the original level of feeling bad and you re-coup faster. 

Anyway, not too much to report. Just organizing, Roku"ing", tennis"ing" parenting and working.  I hope you're all having a good week-- tomorrow- Friday-- TGIF!!
xo

[thissucks7788]

Journaling to get out some bad feelings:

I had a very angry day today.  Triggered by having some issues with my teenage son.  Nothing dramatic but the realization once again that H left me alone to deal with everything while he goes off and plays teenager.  Literally just picked his sorry butt up almost 6 months ago and walked out on us with no arguments happening, no reason given, no discussion, no working on anything, just bye.  Left alone to take care of our home, our child and deal with my own grief after being completely blindsided. 

Like usual on Sunday nights, H texts to just shoot the breeze like we're long-lost buddies and that he deserves my friendship. Not giving it to him tonight.  I cut him short.  Who behaves like this with someone you claimed to ever love?  I really hate him today. So disgusted with the selfish entitled people in my life.  I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

[MomOfSteel]

Thissucks, oh I can totally relate to those feelings.  I’ve had a lot recently.  I feel like it’s taken almost a year for the anger to really come.  There have been several instances lately I’ve been so angry that I was left holding everything while he’s out being irresponsible and selfish. 

[Curiosity]

I think that for me, the anger peaked about 9 months in. Each story is unique, each of us is unique… but I think that probably for all of us, the process is layered and complex. The sadness comes in layers, and so does the sense of “I’ve finally detached and can focus on me.” Personally, I reached a point where I actually felt hatred for my W… it may have been transient, and yes, I reached a place of understanding (as much as you can ever understand something like MLC).

For what it’s worth, it seems like you are responding in a healthy way - not engaging, acknowledging your emotions, and moving forward. Simple, perhaps, but far from easy to do.

[Treasur]

Perfectly reasonable feeling.
Often, anger is a useful sign that someone has crossed a boundary line. Sometimes a boundary line that we had not consciously considered.

Who does that? Selfish entitled avoidant folks who don’t take responsibility for the effects of their own behaviour and want to feel better about behaving like a crappy kind of human, who want the easiest path out of their own self-created mess and hope the metaphorical Mummies of the universe will go There,There? (Unfortunately in this country we have a Prime Minister just like that who considers people to be very mean in treating him like an incompetent liar and taking his job away instead of a misunderstood hero going on holiday while Rome burns.... ....there’s a lot of it about it seems  )

Yours seems to be something like ‘given the situation, I don’t want to play buddies with you’. And that’s perfectly fine. One can be civil, even friendly to some degree like bumping into an acquaintance in the supermarket, without being friends or ‘shooting the breeze’. So don’t. There is no obligation on you to do so and it’s ok to not do it.

And imho developing a bit of an allergy with a sense of disgust or anger about self-centred entitlement is not an uncommon experience for LBS. And, truthfully, not a bad new life habit writ large. Just Say No to F**kwittery could be an LBS t-shirt I think  ....although surprisingly unpopular with F**kwits 

[Tsun]

Hi TS, I am glad you came here to exorcise those bad feelings, sorry to read that Sunday was rough for you :-(.  Unfortunately, I know all to well how it feels to solo-parent with an H off in lala-land. It's selfish, infuriating, and very unfair. Niceties on top of this insanity can make it that much worse. It's like there's a loud T-Rex in the room and everyone is looking around it, and talking over it, about something else . And we're like, "hellohoo" do you not SEE and HEAR this T-Rex over here!?

I have also felt a lot of hate towards my H, which makes me sad because I did love him a lot. I stated "felt" here because the feelings of hate seem to move somewhat more towards a feeling in between hate and indifference for me (maybe dislike?). Maybe the same will happen for you. It helps me to not have contact with him, beyond the necessities.

Speaking of, I received another email from him this weekend, which included demands and another threat (to go to court), lovely right?  You know what was not in there? How is my son? or "I want to see my son." I think for me, him not seeing his son is so disappointing that it helps me move on. I find that continuously choosing your own interests over those of your child a sign of great weakness of character and I want a partner who is stronger than that.

How are things going one day later? Also, congrats on changing from cable to Roku! How do you like it so far?