[titleholder]

Yes. And since OWs like to compete with the W, they would also try and get resources from you just to do so, even if they weren't in debt. But he sounds like he picked an extra special one.

Yes, so bizar! Sometimes I find myself in the rabbit-hole again trying to understand why he choose her. But they definitely choose somebody worse then themselves who will tolerate their horrible behaviour..

Secure your finances and your own stability is the best advice on HS they give you! That’s also something I really want to show the newbies. In my case it’s already showing that if I didn’t do that I would be living a total $h!te-show right now.

[titleholder]

This is so great for me to read - that there is hope out the other side of this sh*t storm - my husband is 38 and I already felt like I maybe making excuses for him it being a MLC as he’s too young but I knowing that it can happen to younger guys - I also have small children 8,3 and 6 months - I am 10 months post bomb drop I was 6 months pregnant at the time.

I just read your story, my god what a bizar situation especially being pregnant with his child.. The selfishness just baffles me.

There’s definitely light and the end of this tunnel for us LBS! For the MLC’er in my opinion, not so much? I know it’s really difficult, especially with young kinds. You want to do everything to save the marriage so that your childeren don’t grow up in a broken home. I let myself be abused for 5 months untill I had enough. It was a hard road but I’m really proud of myself that I kicked him to the curb and used his ‘guilt’ and need to leave to give myself and my daughter a stable future (70% of custody and owning our home). Untill this day I never regretted this decision.

If you need somebody to talk with you can always DM. Hang in there! You’re strong and you can do this <3

[titleholder]

Hello,

Always so good to hear from you. When I read Hollie220423, and her having a baby and all, I immediately thought of you

Hi Ready! Always lovely to hear from you. And thank you for sending Hollie to my thread. I hope it helps her and gives her strength!

He is stuck in a world where he wants to live like a teenager with not one ounce of responsibility. Unfortunately, to obtain such a life you have  1, Have really wealthy indulgent parents, 2, Win the lottery, or 3, Be so incredibly hot looking that you can become someone's eye candy. I don't think your ex is going to hit one, two, or three. So he needs to be ready for a really hard life. Just remember, his choices, his consequences.

Hahahaa loves this! Yep and the consequences are going to hit him hard the rest of his life. I don’t think he’ll ever be happy if he keeps up this mindset.

Who is making positive progress towards their stated goals?

I think it’s me haha ;-) 

So happy for you. It is nice to be in a real relationship with a person that you can deeply love. I am so happy for you. Your ex is not only jealous, but he is also going to have a lot of regret for letting the best thing that ever happened to him go.

Thank you Ready! I always appreciate your insight and responses a lot! I wish you all the best!!

[titleholder]

Nice to hear an update, TH.  You sound strong and moving forward at a great pace.  Keep on keeping on.  And, also, congrats on the new relationship.  Meeting someone stable, loving and whole in all ways is a huge blessing and an eye opener to the stark contrast between was is now as opposed to what once was.

Yes! You describe it so good, it’s an eye opener! I will keep going and moving forward. I’ve got this!

Thank you for your responses. You’re such a strong lady and an example for us LBS!

[titleholder]

Hey HS friends!

It’s been a while and I don’t want to end up in the archieves so giving my thread a bump and giving an update in the life of a forward moving LBS who isn’t standing.

My life’s been good! The grieving proces isn’t lineair; so sometimes I find myself back in feelings of anger and sadness but I’m working through those feelings and hope that with time these feelings find their place more and more.

I’ve been finding the ‘old’ me back more and more. For me that means enjoying the little things in life, soaking up the life with my lovely D3, reading and lately stepping up my mountainbike-game! Less zombie-ing on my phone and watching tv. It feels really good to be letting that part go. I think I needed that to cope with everything that has happened but to be focussing on ‘real’ life and being outdoors is the sign of a massive step forwards for me, yay!

I’m still dating the same man and we’re past our one-year dating mark! And I think I won the lottery with him. He’s sweet, empathetic, loyal, puts me and my daughter first always, emotional mature and capable of handeling a co-parent situation where my xH brings some drama in the mix sometimes.

This is what a relationship should be like and I’m so thankfull for him in our lives. He loves to be with me and my D3 and brings us so much joy when he’s here. Next to the gratefulness it also brings me some sadness because it’s also heartbreaking sometimes to see somebody that’s not the father of you kid stepping up 100% without any hesitation when her father isn’t.

My xH is still a lost soul. He’s doing a bit better and comes across more stable. He monsters less but if he isn’t getting his way then it comes out again. Still with OW and the OW sees my D3 now sometimes. When I told him that concerns me because of OW’s mental stability (not because of another woman in my D3’s life because I also have to be realistic that this sadly is part of a divorce) he told me that he understood that very well, but still chose to let her in our D3’s life. Actions and not words is still the standard I keep up with him. He says a lot of blabla like that our D3 is the most important thing in his life. I’m not seeing the actions in line with that. 

I hate the ‘co-parenting’ (I’m still doing the most of the job in the daily care and all tasks surrounding her future) and the fact that I’m stuck with him for the rest of my life. But I found a mode that we can be civil with eachother and that’s want I want for my D3.

Love TH!

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

So good to hear from you.

I’m still dating the same man and we’re past our one-year dating mark! And I think I won the lottery with him. He’s sweet, empathetic, loyal, puts me and my daughter first always, emotional mature and capable of handeling a co-parent situation where my xH brings some drama in the mix sometimes.

It's good to be in a positive and healthy relationship. I realize the same as well since I got remarried and next month, we will celebrate our tenth year together. So different, and so much better.

He loves to be with me and my D3 and brings us so much joy when he’s here.

Three!!!! Time just flies doesn't it. Before you know it, she will be starting school. Makes me feel even older.

My xH is still a lost soul. He’s doing a bit better and comes across more stable. He monsters less but if he isn’t getting his way then it comes out again. Still with OW and the OW sees my D3 now sometimes. When I told him that concerns me because of OW’s mental stability (not because of another woman in my D3’s life because I also have to be realistic that this sadly is part of a divorce) he told me that he understood that very well, but still chose to let her in our D3’s life. Actions and not words is still the standard I keep up with him. He says a lot of blabla like that our D3 is the most important thing in his life. I’m not seeing the actions in line with that.

You can expect a lot of that. My stepchildren never had a father figure either. More like a kind uncle. They are both grown, but in the ten years that I have know them, they see him about two or three times a year. He lives close, but might as well be miles away.

I hate the ‘co-parenting’ (I’m still doing the most of the job in the daily care and all tasks surrounding her future) and the fact that I’m stuck with him for the rest of my life. But I found a mode that we can be civil with eachother and that’s want I want for my D3.

You are right about that and since your ex is not one to be tied down by "responsibility" and the need to be "free" you will be the one that is running the show. However, it gives you the opportunity to raise your daughter into a responsible and fine person. That's a winning option for you.

Have an amazing day and keep posting,

(((Ready)))

[FaithWalker]

Hey TH!  It won't forever be this way but it is hard because your D is so young.  The co-parenting gets easier as they get older, in my opinion.  And now that my kids have all graduated, there is small bits of co-parenting but it becomes less and less.  There will be some added once there are weddings to plan and there are grand-kids, but I am enjoying the break from frequent communication now.  It will get better!

[titleholder]

It's good to be in a positive and healthy relationship. I realize the same as well since I got remarried and next month, we will celebrate our tenth year together. So different, and so much better.

10 years! Congrats Ready! It's so nice to read stories like yours where there's a life behind the destruction with love and loyalty!

Three!!!! Time just flies doesn't it. Before you know it, she will be starting school. Makes me feel even older.

Yes and she is sooo ready for that step! I'm enjoying these last months with her at home to the fullest, it's crazy to think that my little girl is stepping into the 'real' world in december. My heart isn't ready yet haha!

Sad to hear that your stepkids don't have an active father in their life. Luckily they have you! Somebody who can be a 'father-figure' in their life and give them the love and stability they deserve, even if they're already grownup.

You are right about that and since your ex is not one to be tied down by "responsibility" and the need to be "free" you will be the one that is running the show. However, it gives you the opportunity to raise your daughter into a responsible and fine person. That's a winning option for you.

Yes nail on the head with that one! I

[titleholder]

Hey TH!  It won't forever be this way but it is hard because your D is so young.  The co-parenting gets easier as they get older, in my opinion.  And now that my kids have all graduated, there is small bits of co-parenting but it becomes less and less.  There will be some added once there are weddings to plan and there are grand-kids, but I am enjoying the break from frequent communication now.  It will get better!

Thanks for saying this FW! That gives me a little bit of hope in that future.. 'Co-parenting' on this level is so exhausting sometimes.. I think I'm handeling it well but sometimes I long back to the drama free days.

[MadLuv]

You sound good. I am 4 years out and now just ready to think about a new relationship. I dont know how you were able to handle a new relationship and small child. Congrats to you!!! Keep coming back and updating!