Happy New Year!!!!
It's been.... months.
Hmmmmm, what all has gone on? Well, I went on vacation (awesome) to Las Vegas, and then W went to her mom's for the holidays (the usual).
So little to report except that life is good and wonderful.
I came home in Dec and right away started booking trips for the whole year.
Four vacations this year!!!! A new record for me!!!
So, what about W? Well, she paid off her condo in South America and has a renter.... so I guess she's happy about that, but really..... it doesn't seem to matter one bit. The excitement is gone, now it's just something she has. Maybe it makes her feel more secure, or maybe some accomplishment, but whatever it is: it's done. She is extremely like herself before MLC, hard to tell the difference EXCEPT for the guilt she's carrying, and the unwillingness to face what she has done. Until she does that: I don't believe joy can return. Her foo/early damage: I think it's all buttoned up - now she only has the new damage she has created. This year she will come forward and begin to heal it, I will not allow this to drag on indefinitely. It will not be avoided forever. Of course, there could still be that final crash before it happens..... I can see why that would be so devastating to an LBS at this point. She is still going to her counseling on the regular, I see the receipts..... but I haven't heard a peep about it in a really long time. Part of me wonders what is going on there at this point, but it isn't my business so I remind myself of that fact.
On to me!!! I'm back on the full blown exercise regime and hardcore diet. Nothing to do with New Years, I just got tired of waiting for my injury to heal. FULL SPEED AHEAD!!!
I'm going back to Vegas in five weeks...... new hotels to check off the list, new shows to go see.
It's all rather funny: When W got back from the holidays (she was gone a month away) - I gave her the dates for all my trips this year...... she just looked at me and blinked. "ok". I has to be an eye opener that so much has changed, and she's been left behind. No neediness, no expectations, not even hopeful invitations...... just movement. Always movement. Catch me if you can.
When she wants something, I say "I'll put that on my list" (and I do).... but it's not a priority. When it aligns with my plans, it gets done (and not before). She still gets kindness, and minor thoughtful things, but nothing major. My little emotional black hole has to grow up and generate happiness on her own now...... and she's left to do exactly that. She's figuring it out very slowly, but she IS figuring it out. As for me: I'm possibly the happiest I've ever been in my life. No longer a power generator for someone else, I'm thriving on my own energy, and I burn bright!!
You should see the people at work..... it's like "who is this guy?". Awesome.
On to the little hound!! He graduated to sleeping in the bed with us around Thanksgiving. I brought him in, and he's stayed there ever since. He LOVES IT!!!
His mood is better, he's happier, more toned down..... and I like knowing the little guy is there. He squashes himself between us and always has one part touching W, and another part touching me. He is very spoiled, and very loved. The good life. In return he gives so much joy and affection.
MIL and her BF will be coming to stay for a couple months sometime later in the year. That means whatever potential drama will be tempered until they come and leave...... and I have noticed that ALL alternative plans W used to have are completely gone. She seems to think that everything is just going to cruse along from here on out. No, there will be a reckoning.
My MLC'er friend at work.... I hadn't talked to her since somewhere around Halloween...... I just knew she needed some time...... well, I went to see her the other day and check on her. It was time. She's doing fine, seemingly improved. I give her an update on W, and as always she is very curious and asks a lot of questions. Then I ask about her and her H........ she was at the breaking point last time (or at least she thought she was
) and she looks at me with this little smile and a small voice.... "I'm trying......". Oh yes!!! HA!! There it is, that's what I was looking for. She goes on to talk about how frustrated her H is with her, so I give her some tips on how to deal with him and also encourage her progress. It's a slow thing, but she has just a little hope..... and that's enough. Only need a grain of sand and the ocean can come back in.
The difference for her was hearing about W and how things have changed over time.... it has made her wonder if she could possibly follow the same path.... and so she's trying.
I think she's going to have a good year starting to inch forward in the right direction. I can see it. I'm so very happy: her life would have been a disaster trying to start over...... she joked about needing to lose some weight and how hard it is at her age.... we both laughed since it's something we're both trying to do.
I have two other women (at work) who were showing some warning signs that I've been helping (both good friends, but sheesh, I think I'm naturally drawn to these people. HA!!!!). Anyway, they were both showing early resentment towards their H's.... one in her late 30's the other in her late 40's about to turn 50...... one of them was starting to get sweet on me (oh no.... nip that in the bud), so I was asking questions (like always) and steering them back towards trust with their H's. One of them is taking her H on an entire week getaway next week
, and the other is making plans to run away with her H also (reconnection trip).
It really makes me wonder about how important good people on the periphery to the MLC'er.... both in the early and later stages. It makes me wonder about how things were back in the old days when the world wasn't so connected and people actually had real relationships with their neighbors. So much bad stuff out there which is so easy to ingest, and it's the job of friends to care and step in when someone is having a rough time (instead of being a wimp and just siting on the sidelines watching = that's no friend at all).
Well, here's to the New Year..... and it's going to be a fabulous one (cause I said so).
One day, one year, at a time.....
-SS
Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 15: "Who's the Master? Sho'Nuff!!!"
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