[Silver]

Hi there you all!

A few of you may remember me and my story. I’ts been a while since I logged in HS previous time but back at 2017 and couple of years after I was pretty regular Hero spouser myself 😊 The amount of love and support I got from here was something I will never forget but will always carry with me, in my heart. I am always grateful to all of you that helped me stand (though I wasn’t a stander for long) in my path in my darkest moments. And not just stand but to walk on as well. I found my latest thread (calling Empty space) but there was a warning in in that it is locked and as I don't think I have moderator status anymore I started a new one. If one of the mods would kindly connect this to my old thread if necessary?

Years gone by since my first BD at march 2017, not much new happened in my life after divorce (Jan 2018) so not much to journal either, not until now. My life’s been quite steady, I’m a part-time father as my S9 and D15 live with me every other week as we are co-parents with XW. I’m in R with J. We are not living together but seeing and spending time with each other quite a lot. This suits me well as my child weeks are rather busy and J has her son too every other week and works in 3 shifts so we both have life of our own as well. I find it mature and good relationship with no pressure on either of us.

Rewind and recap:
At fall 2016 after several pre MLC months (even an year one might say) XW (she wasn’t ex back then of course) started to act strange. Raging at a moment and in “silent private mood” at next and in between days could be considered as “normal”. I got worried about it as even I couldn’t put my finger on what it was all about. I soon found out she started to connect with people (men) she hadn’t seen in years and with whom she had nothing to do anymore. She started to visit websites about “love horoscopes” and follow certain male sign there (yes I stalked her web history, sorry about that but not really) which was really strange. She got those famous “I am trapped in my life” thoughts and cried quite often, and cycled back raging and shouting. Her moods went in rapid cycles, at times she was very full of love etc.

At march 2017 she bomb dropped me and confessed that she had feelings for her doctor. I was kind of relieved bc now she at least spoke with me about what’s happening. I didn’t judge her as I know there are different stages in long relationships and even marriages and afaik she hadn’t actually cheat me. I was confident it would all pass soon. Later I found out that she met this guy at least once when he was off duty but I had no idea what that was all about.

During summer she cycled between loving wife mood and emotional distance but the summer was mostly ok as was the beginning of fall 2017 too. Later that fall I did something I wasn’t proud about but felt I just had to do it and stalked her phone once. I searched her messages and found out she had at least emotional affair with another guy, someone she met in her dancing class. She wrote to him that she didn’t have relationship with me anymore (I didn’t know that by the way!) and other stuff I got really mad about. So I confronted her and she got mad at me of course. Her version was that I am so jealous husband (well I was NOT jealous guy at all before she started her MLC journey and we are speaking about 10 years or so…) that she can’t be with me anymore and that she set up a trap with this OM, just to see if I reacted to their “fake messages”… can you believe it??

Right after Christmas she filed divorce, demanding my signature too which I never did. I told her that that’s not what I wanted, I don’t want it to our kids either etc but she had made up her mind. So in Jan 2018 we divorced and at spring she moved out and right after that I moved out myself and we put our big house in sale. We made co-parenting contract meaning that our D (10 yo back then) and S (5 yo then) stayed with us in week-week system.

She found another OM soon after D (I bet he was around way before that though) and at 2019 they bought a house together. OM has 2 teenagers (boys) from his previous marriage so my kids all of sudden got 2 stepbrothers AND a stepdad as well. They got married too.

D adapted to situation pretty soon but S had more challenges, we put him in therapy bc of his reactions for the new situation. He caused some trouble every now and then in the family but was ok every other week when stayed with me. Therapy was good for him and he got pass the worst. Soon I heard from kids that there are lots of arguing in the family, mostly between XW and OM. Didn’t really surprise me at all as I knew XW very well, she never was the easiest partner to anyone. After our divorce there was a time I was really mad and spilled my anger over her and OM as well, not proud of that either but it was a stage I had to get trough and in time it just melted away. I started to get along with the fact I divorced (again, my 2nd one…) and actually found out that my life without her was much easier and at least in some terms even happier. Meeting J was of course the big deal to me too and still is.

Even with OM I started to get along much better, we even chatted a little every now and then I were civil to each other. He is not a bad guy after all, hell, I have to say I even LIKE him today But the arguing in their house continued, kids told me often about it and they seemed to be relieved every time they stayed with me. D15 even said it straight to me several times, live in our home were (and is) more peaceful and simplier as there are only one adult in the family (yes J comes over often but that’s different case as she doesn’t live with us).

Last week I got a text from both of kids telling that XW had told them that they will divorce and OM and his’ sons will move out at the end of this summer! My first reaction was “well am I surprised?” but after that I got sad – for kids. I couldn’t believe in 2017-2018 I never say this but I was sad for their family breaking up. I had no reason to think any other way though I knew it wouldn’t last very long, still I believed that they would be together as long as (both) their kids needed a family. Both D and S – despite of all arguing they had to testify – were sad too. So I guess there were a lots of good things in their family as well. OM’s teen boys were some kind of big brothers to S9 and I’m sure it meant a lot to him at the end of the day.

S9 told me that XW said that OM’s boys are welcome to see him any time (theyre not moving far) which was important message to him. I guess XW and OM are co-operating and divorcing like adults, maybe there is no much drama in it, I don’t know. And as XW hasn’t told me anything about d yet I have no idea what it is really all about and perhaps never will. If she ever asks me about my opinion my only advice would be “stop and take your time, work with yourself, do NOT rush into another relationship as you will only carry all your demons with you and that can never ever work”. I doubt she does though and I am pretty sure there will soon be another guy living in her house. Whatever as long as no one threats my kids bad as if they do – I will have to interfere of course but I don’t think she would accept anyone that kind.

So here were are, another MLC process coming to end I guess. This story as far as it’s looked trough MLC classes seems to end in the situation where MLCer is divorced (third time in her life) again bc she didn’t find happiness from external factors and where LBS (me!) is living his life happy, without any anger or pain anymore and in good, mature, mutual respectful relationship. Stay strong, all you beautiful people out there and for those of you that still are in pain bc of them I want to say that do not forget to live YOUR life, whatever it means to you. It’s your only one.
 
EDIT: J is she, not he

Last thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10937.0

[Curiosity]

Thanks for updating, Silver! It sounds like you have moved forward with your life in a healthy and healed way. Wishing you continued peace and growth in your life.

[Silver]

Thank you Curiosity I appreciate that! All the best to you too in your journey.

EDIT: I still seem to have mentor -status and though I have an access to that kind of things I really don't remember how to split and merge topics anymore so if necessary perhaps one of real mods could find my Empty Space thread and merge threads into one please

[Thunder]

No worries, Silver.

It is so great to hear from you, I think about you often, along with WHYUS.
Wondering how you guys are doing.

There is a life after MLC, isn't there? 

Much has gone on with me too, so I probably need an update myself one of these days.

I'm just happy to hear you and your kids are still staying close and getting any help they need to get through this whole thing.

You are a good father Silver, and the kids are blessed to have you in their life.

Big Hug!

[MadLuv]

Wow, what an update. Quite the short marriage. Even with arguing etc. I can see why all the kids would be saddened. They finally get to acceptance of the situation and new people to have to go back to the unknown. Seems like this may continue and that is sad for your kids and even your XW who cant find her way.

Glad to hear you on the other hand are doing well.  Sounds like you are proceeding cautiously in your new relationship and I think that is the only way to move on to a next relationship when you have kids. They don’t need revolving doors of people in both households .

Thanks for coming back to update. Always interesting

[gman242]

Good to see you buddy! Glad you're doing well! Thanks for checking in!

[Thunder]

Gosh Gman, nice to see you too!   

[beyondblessed]

Fantastic update, Silver!  Many of us from back around that time have used the time wisely and have created the lives we only imagined ba6ck then....filled with new adventures all the while thriving and continuing to move forward.

[gman242]

I think that's the route many of us take!

@Thunder, nice to see you too!

[Standing Strong]

I remember reading your threads when I was new 

So nice to hear this update........

Thank you Silver

-SS