Thank you dear T, B1 and -SS for your nice comments. Today is a special day for me as it is my birthday. S6 and D15 wished HB to me just when they woke up, it is nice ! And a good call with D17. And I got texts from family and calls from friends. I just updated today my signature with the age update, and I changed also the duration of the couple : previously it was "Married 18 years, together 21". Instead of adding one year to both durations, I have removed one because, in hindsight, I feel that our couple relationship finished a few months before BD.
You and Standing seem to have a tremendous ability to find the good stuff in the middle of mess; it’s rather inspiring.
I don't know how to take your statement : is it ironic or not ? We have a saying between French people, it is self-derision : "why did we take the cockerel as an emblem for France ? Because it is the only animal who can sing with its feets full of sh1t ". Well, to be an LBS is really a sh1tty (or messy) situation, isn't it ? But, with THS boots we learn how to protect our delicate feet from the sh1tty ground, we learn how the find air even if the smell is rotten. And we eventually find enough joy to sing again. First we fake it until we make it.
Like most of these folks, your wife really hasn’t thought things through, has she? Even the fact that she won’t be there for all these significant ‘first’ days for your kids. And tbh most of us, even young humans, know when what someone is saying just doesn’t hang together. Is your wife lying to some or all? Probably. Maybe even to herself tbh. Certainly what she said to D15 makes no sense at all. On the quacks like a duck principle, your wife does not look like someone who sees her children’s’ needs as a priority, does she? Or can demonstrate a plan for how she will meet them in Switzerland, even the basics like housing and schools. Which is MLC normal of course. And yes, D15 absolutely has the right to advocate for herself without ‘taking sides’ and it is good that she feels she can speak her mind to you.
Yes everything you write is right, and the children see more and more the lies from W. I have reached the stage where I close my lips when the children are pointing out the lies. Now, with the children, I am able to talk about W mainly in positive terms. She has been a good mother and wife during 17 years, we have many nice records together, and that is the woman I want the children to remember (and they want too).
New schools, and other changes I have been busy with the back to school time. The 3 children are very happy in their new positions : D17 is well in the University, new housing, new sport club and new friends. She needs a lot of support still even if she is autonomous. Bird out of the nest, and me proud. D15 is in High school with renforced English lessons (her English skills are already vey high). And S6 in primary school is still very joyous.
What is new for S6 is that he is at school until 6pm everyday. When he had Father and Mother at home, S6 could leave school at 4:30pm and play with other children in the public park. This time is over and I have set up school homework support (S6 is doing homework at school). A necessary change for me as a lone father. The girls have had same treatment in the past, and to be honest S6 has been the most spoiled from far.
We need also to find a new balance at home because we are only 3, and there is still a lot of household chores to share. S6 has regressed a little bit in the last weeks and he wanted to sleep in my room (also due to the heat in his room under the roof), now he sleeps back in his bed. D15 has raised a topic in the car : she wants a new room. I have mainly listened to her because her siblings were in the car too. Then at home I came back with her on this topic : there will be changes in the next months in our house and there will be opportunities for her to change room. But for now it is better to keep the statu quo : D17 wants to keep "her" room, mom will continue to come back at the lower ground room for a little while. And I told D15 that, in the future, there might be other changes too : one other woman might come in our house and she may have children. D15 looked at me with an intense gaze and said : not in the next 3 years. I said we don't know what will happen in the future.
There is a big contrast between W's calls and D17's calls. W's calls are short, few minutes for each one of us. D17's calls are very long, she speaks to all the three
left behind family members together, she opens her cam and we open it, we jest, we laugh, it is fun. Then the phone goes in D15's room because the girls have a private talk.
Divorce ongoingI saw my lawyer last week as he is back from vacation. At first, when he called me, he wanted to delay the court hearing (the later the court hearing the better our chances), but he said he has been convinced by my arguments : I want to make the situation clearer asap, for the children, the housing accomodation and the finances.
My lawyer knows W's lawyer, she is by-the-book type. One key point is the W's mailing address : according to W's lawyer subpoena W lives still at our home and will move in September somewhere in France near Switzerland, and she still gets less money than me. At the contrary I think she lives somewhere in Switzerland and she gets a lot more money than I. It would be great if the lawyers can agree about a common version before the hearing, that would save time. So my lawyer will check this point.
One other key point is the daughter's hearing, that would help a lot according to the lawyer. I have discussed with both and they are not very enthousiastic (euphemism). I can understand it.
Relationship Status
I am considering switching again the profile : since my subscription it has been "still home never left" -> "Home but travels for work" '-> "Keeps moving in and out"
This month, W plans to be 5 days at home in total. Including 1 day when the children and I were in Italy, and next week-end with the girls not at home : D15 will have a sport competition and D17 plans to come back home the next week-end.
So the status is becoming really fast "Left home separation divorce pending". I am asking myself whether I will display all the available status ?
Dear LBS friends, let's sing and sing again one day at at time, after all sh1t is also a good raw material for dunghill that feeds vegetables growth, isn't it ?...
living is an opportunity
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