[WHY]

Be strong Bax.  One day at a time my friend. 

[Happylight]

Other than that no word with the filing, it’s been almost 6 weeks and she hasn’t said a thing. If I didnt happen to look it up I would have never known. If she was so anxious to get it done I would think she would have done some type of action but then again who knows what’s going on it her pretty little head. For now I’m focusing on me, the kids and Baxter and leaving her to it . Que sera sera. She got hurt at work so maybe that’s holding her back, she not getting a full paycheck so maybe that’s playing into this? Again who knows, for now I’m staying in the home and standing.

The waiting is so hard.  I hope you are finding stuff to keep you busy!  I found out that the Parks and Wildlife offers some free kayaking classes, so thinking about signing up even though I have to drive an hour to get to it. It is something I want to do, but not sure it is wise for me to do alone.

[Baxter1]

I am in for the kayaking! Maybe there’s a class or something? I agree maybe solo kayaking isn’t a beginner sport. I might try going in a hot air balloon ride or curling. I agree the waiting is very difficult, I’m trying to keep busy with fun stuff, I’d rather do these activities with her, but for now I’m doing my own thing which is pretty awesome too.

[Baxter1]

Some more Journaling:

Just had an interesting talk with W last night. We were both in the kitchen and was snacking, she asked if I wanted some(she hadn’t talked to me in ages so of course I said yes). The funny thing was it seemed like she was talking softly, it’s like she was 9 or 10. Not her usual voice or mannerisms. It lasted about 30 seconds then she walked away. Sounds like this her revisiting her childhood? If I wasn’t convinced that this is MLC I definitely am now.

[xyzcf]

This used to be discussed quite a bit, how the MLCer seems to revert back to a previous time in their lives, even suggested that it was before they even know their partner. Many have "seen" this type of regression.

I think it might tie into Erik Erickson's stages of development. That if they did not adequately attain the developmental tasks, they need to go back in order to process through them. Just a theory I am fond of.

I personally have seen my spouse at about a 2 year old, 8 year old and 11 year old..it's quite fascinating to see an adult but feel as though he is at a very much younger age.

[WHY]

Hearts Blessing actually had some good writings on this regression.

My gut feel is there is a correlation between the amount of regression and the level of trauma.  The early the trauma took place, the more chaotic the MLC.  Again just my gut feel.

Found it.  Also suggest the "choice" of OM/OW may not be random but also related to the trauma:

https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/the-children-of-the-mid-lifers-issues/
https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/a-deeper-look-at-the-children-of-the-mid-lifers-issues/

https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/past-parental-issues-and-the-affair-partner-an-explanation/

[Baxter1]

W-


Thanks for sharing! It was kinda strange to see but I guess it’s a progress of sorts…

[Nas]

https://integrativepsych.co/new-blog/what-is-parts-work-therapy-ifs

I thought you might find this helpful. Family systems is the notion that we have inner “parts” that were developed and function to protect us. They may be our own inner toddler, child, tween, teenager, young adult or they may be a part that mimics a member of our FOO.

It may at first sound like hooey (to use a technical term 😉) but it’s totally different than multiple personalities, and these parts do not take over our being and override our current self. It’s simply that, when triggered or processing something, one of our various protective parts may become evident. It may show up to “protect” us. We don’t become the part. We are still the person we are. I was processing something specific for almost all of 2023, and I am positive that if I had a husband or a close intimate partner at the time, there are most certainly moments over those months where they would not have thought it absurd to suggest I was “not myself” and reverting to an earlier time in my life. I could see it myself, I knew the precise moments where something unresolved resulted in me reacting (instead of responding) in a manner that did not align with my current character.

It’s possible she’s also aware of the changes you are seeing in her mannerisms and behavior. Or she may not be right now, but will become more aware of it if she is in fact attempting to resolve an inner conflict. Or this may not be even close to what she’s going through, we can’t really know, just a different lens I thought I would share. I think the link I provided gives a good basic overview.

[Baxter1]

Nas-

Great read, thanks! I’m guessing thats the point of this. She’s processsing her parts from childhood, I’ll keep going with space to let her figure herself out.

[Baxter1]

More Journaling:

Seems like we’re in a good cycle this week. I’ve been getting some anchor checks for the last week or so. I appreciate this a lot but I know that I can have zero expectations and that the low cycle will come back and it I will be back to being ignored again. All that being said it should be interesting to see what happens in the next couple of weeks. The boys are off to camp and it will be the two of us. Her actions are telling me that the OM and her are on a hiatus for a bit, I’m not going to fool
Myself into thinking it’s done but who knows. Other than that I’m giving space and focusing and me and the kids.