[Treasur]

Have you got your own lawyer and taken legal advice, Baxter1? Bc imho once they file, the landscape changes and your priorities might need to adapt accordingly.

[UrsaMajor]

Have you got your own lawyer and taken legal advice, Baxter1? Bc imho once they file, the landscape changes and your priorities might need to adapt accordingly.

Exactly correct -
New Priority #1 - Know your options/rights..... Get up to speed with the legal aspects because once they file, it is ALL just business.....

[FrenchHusband]

Some Journaling

She filed the other day. It’s been a little over a year of her threatening to file if I don’t move out so she finally did it the other day. This doesn’t affect my stand, it’s my understanding that these things take time but I’m still holding on. Maybe it was pressure from the Alienator or maybe she’s getting close to SPLAT and this is just her way of escaping and avoiding.I guess it really does get worse before it gets better. I’m still in the home and still see the kids(and Baxter)  every day. She still locks herself in her room when she gets home. Still high energy but has slowed down a lot of the last couple of months. Time will tell what happens..

it is really funny how our wives seem to follow same script  and same timeline. I received the divorce letter one month and a few days ago. But no divorce filed until now.
High energy / Low Energy -> at the moment I don't see the difference in speed, only the difference in intensity. Have courage and Faith ! And yes, I agree with other advises : a lawyer is a priority now for you.

[Helpnewc]

Our Prime Minister in Australia’s wife ended his marriage on New Year’s Day a few years ago and he said something that really helped me and others I know on this journey.

Albo said “I needed to stop trying to understand it and just accept it and accept it.” I spent so much time trying to understand where my wife went and why this had happened to me. My life has got better now I have stopped struggling to understand and just accepted where I am.


I am very sorry Baxter. It all takes time. Everything had to be done in. A rush for us and now 4 months later she has not filed the agreement. I don’t attach significance to it.


Find a good lawyer. Listen to the advice and make good decisions for you and your children. It is all you can do.

[Baxter1]

Some more journaling:

A couple of days after she filed she came up to me and said she needed a hug (We haven’t had physical contact of any kind in about a year). We had the longest, tightest hug I think we’ve ever had, it was a 5 minute hug. Then she retreated back to her room, and didn’t say a word. Ever since then it’s been silence, ignores me, doesn’t respond when I say hello, nothing. I’m not really putting much stock in it but it was a welcome surprise.

Other than that she’s home a lot more. Home on weekends, making dinner, buying stuff for the house and cleaning, glimpses of the way it used to be. Not sure if the pressure from the alienator proved too much and it fell apart or what but it’s nice to see her engaged, it’s probably cycling but I’ll enjoy this.

Other than that no word with the filing, it’s been almost 6 weeks and she hasn’t said a thing. If I didnt happen to look it up I would have never known. If she was so anxious to get it done I would think she would have done some type of action but then again who knows what’s going on it her pretty little head. For now I’m focusing on me, the kids and Baxter and leaving her to it . Que sera sera. She got hurt at work so maybe that’s holding her back, she not getting a full paycheck so maybe that’s playing into this? Again who knows, for now I’m staying in the home and standing.

[UrsaMajor]

A couple of days after she filed she came up to me and said she needed a hug.  (We haven’t had physical contact of any kind in about a year). We had the longest, tightest hug I think we’ve ever had, it was a 5 minute hug.

You are a bigger person than I am.... After I got served with her D papers, my MLCxW asked for something similar and my response was that, since her divorce was in process, we no longer had that kind of relationship and left it at that.

[Helpnewc]

Hi Baxter,

You seem in a good place. They are just so odd.

My wife went back to not using my name again in communications. I gently said I still have a name and it would be nice if you used it.

We settled property the week before December and the agreement is still not filed. At the time, it had to be done in a week and then nothing. To use my brother in laws language they are cooked in the head.

My daughter is 10 on Sunday. She is having a party with her friends. I am invited but a bit like the Dixie Chicks I am not ready to play nice. I have explained to my eldest I can’t manage it emotionally and she was sad but understood.

My relationship with my kids is very much improved. There is still a bit of parental alienation going on but I find by taking the high road I am winning that one.

But mostly I just miss my family being together. And that’s ok.

Stay strong.

[Baxter1]

Some Journaling:

It seems the pendulum has swung back. W is now going out more and is home less. It’s not like it was at BD, she would just leave for days. Now it’s a day here and there. Other than that it’s just anger. Saying hello (or anything else) is met with one word answers if at all. Having an understanding of MLC has really helped me with detachment.

As for me I’m planning some more trips for the summer. Went to go see a Cricket match the other day and just trying to get out and do cool and different things( has anyone tried glassblowing ?)
Other than that no big changes, still at home and I’m still standing. It’s very frustrating at times but I keep thinking to what she said when this all started. ‘All this stuff I’m doing isn’t me, I don’t know who I am’, remembering that keeps me going with empathy.

Kids are ok, oldest is graduating and they are both going to camp this summer. Im sure she’ll disappear, which is ok, Baxter is great company.

[xyzcf]

Your post reminds me of the popular British saying "Stay Calm and Carry On".

Glad to hear that you are looking at doing some different things. One summer a fellow LBSer came to visit and we went white water rafting and to a wolf sanctuary.

The world is as wide open as we want it to be.

And of course, Baxter is always looking for a new adventure!

You sound good!

[FrenchHusband]

Oh this is great ! You are now detached and able to go ahead with grace and empathy. Good for you and your kids

Im sure she’ll disappear, which is ok, Baxter is great company.

Expecting the worse and living the best times : this could be a motto for the LBS IMO