[Baxter1]

More Journaling:
 The kids are at camp so it’s just me and W. We’re cordial, I even find that she is taking more of an interest in the home, she redecorated the living room, it came out nice. She’s texting me about small things, the house, dog,kids. Not major issues but the fact that she checks in at all is also refreshing.
Had a discussion the other night, I responded to her D petition by saying I don’t agree, there are two checkboxes and I checked don’t agree. She got a copy of my response maybe two weeks ago but she decided today she wanted to talk about it. She asked why I just don’t grant the divorce, I explained I don’t want to lose the house. She went into a small rant about how the marriage was horrible and how she’s  now ‘living her best life’. So frustrating, it’s easy to live a fun life when you have two incomes. Once she’s on her own and she has to pay for an apartment I’m sure the party will be over. She and the AP are definitely having a rough time, she used to leave for days, now she’s home most nights, I heard her screaming on the phone at someone a couple of weeks ago.
Why blowup your life for someone like that?
Anyways, still standing, still not giving up,  both still at home

[forthetrees]

Seems odd that with the kids away that she is home instead of disappeared with AP. Has she run the numbers for life on just her salary? Does she realize that if custody is 50-50 she won´t get child support and might have to contribute more than what she has been?

[Baxter1]

For-

I don’t think she’s thinking at all. My lawyer explained that most likely we will have to sell the home. In her mind she gets the home, the kids will stay with her and I will have to make payments (alimony,child support). Not sure where she’s getting her information from, whatever payments I give her will not replace a home, I’ve tried to explain this to her but it falls on deaf ears.

[xyzcf]

whatever payments I give her will not replace a home, I’ve tried to explain this to her but it falls on deaf ears.

We lived well but we also saved and made good financial decisions. His career provided very good income. I remember asking him "how much do we really need to save for retirement" and his response was "there's never too much".

After BD, I tried to point out that we had spent all those years saving together...I remember his look at me...so cold as he said "xyzcf, I cannot stay with you for money".

It wasn't the point of the money, but how we had together saved, discussed our choices, sat together at financial advisors, made investments...all the financial choices made together. It was the way we lived...we'd go to Home Depot or the grocery store because it was pleasant to go together. We made our decisions, together....so the splitting of our assets was another huge blow.

And I didn't know how it would work out, I had no clue if I would have "enough" (thankfully it turned out our savings plans allowed me to keep the house and be pretty secure financially).

They truly want to leave it all behind.....there is no reasoning with them at all.

[Biscuit]

Baxter,,
I think it's something they just often don't consider whilst in crisis. I know my W has a really hard time understanding that finacially the goal posts have moved significantly and that there's obviously going to be less money about if it's split. It's the whole, whats mine is mine, what's ours is mine, and I'll also take a chunk of what's yours too. When they realise that's not how it works in real life then that can be hard for them to understand.

I've had a load of talks in the last few days with my W about money. She doesn't believe or want to listen to what I say - which is advice we've had from our company accountant. I asked today if she'd like to speak to him herself - crickets!! lol.

[Baxter1]

XY-

To go the grocery store together again would be great, I miss stuff like that. It took me a couple of visits to not get emotional in the bread aisle, we shopped together every Sunday.

Biscuit-
It’s so frustrating! She’s so smart yet she can’t see that the consequences of her actions will end badly for her, the kids and me. After BD I set it up so that my overtime came out of the account and put it in my own account. Monster didn’t like that arrangement, oh well. I didn’t see the need for my working extra to pay for her and AP to have dinner.

[Helpnewc]

I am a long way down the road.

I don’t think there is anything rational going on. They just want what they want and  it’s their time. When there is a moment of rationality and consequences, they just stall as the present situation meets there needs.

But yes in an ideal world, I run away, keep the house and get the kids.

[Baxter1]

Help-

It’s all so very frustrating..

[Baxter1]

Some Journaling

W just got back from her vacation, we haven’t had a family vacation since BD, we each do our own thing it seems. We talked about her trip, I listened and empathized with her delays and told her I was glad she had a good time. That night she made dinner for me and S16, she left 2 plates for us and be and my son had dinner together, it was awesome.
Recently I see her softening, just a bit. She still locks herself in her room when she gets home, but here’s the thing, she’s actually home.
I’m under no delusion that this crisis is anywhere near over, or that this means anything but there seems to be a pattern forming. I’ll keep an eye on this, it may be just cycling. Other then that it will be nice to have the kids home from camp, good to get back into the routine again

[Atari25]

Some Journaling

W just got back from her vacation, we haven’t had a family vacation since BD, we each do our own thing it seems. We talked about her trip, I listened and empathized with her delays and told her I was glad she had a good time. That night she made dinner for me and S16, she left 2 plates for us and be and my son had dinner together, it was awesome.
Recently I see her softening, just a bit. She still locks herself in her room when she gets home, but here’s the thing, she’s actually home.
I’m under no delusion that this crisis is anywhere near over, or that this means anything but there seems to be a pattern forming. I’ll keep an eye on this, it may be just cycling. Other then that it will be nice to have the kids home from camp, good to get back into the routine again

Whatever you can do to keep her at home do it.

I can see now that getting a spouse back home is going to be very hard to do. At this point I think she would rather divorce me than swallow her pride and come back no matter what I say.