[I Am The Salad]

Baxter, I’ve just read your threads and I think your W and my H have read the same MLC Handbook. Such similar scripts. It’s really quite weird. We’ve got to the point where we’ve agreed that no one is going to move out for now and we’re not going to have any kind of conversation with S6, who seems very content and is thriving which is what I want to preserve.

One thing that struck me when I was reading your threads was about the ‘advice’ that our MLCers are getting from other people. I realised that in my situation, and possibly yours and many others, the main source of relationship advice that they are getting and listening to is most likely coming from the Alienator. There’s no one else they really listen to (because that would require some kind of rational thought) and it’s used as a bonding experience between the MLCer and Alienator. A kind of ‘no one understands me the way you do’ type feeling that can roughly be translated as ‘no one blows smoke up my a$$ the way you do’. It’s kind of like a drug addict asking their dealer for advice on rehab.

[UrsaMajor]

One thing that struck me when I was reading your threads was about the ‘advice’ that our MLCers are getting from other people. I realised that in my situation, and possibly yours and many others, the main source of relationship advice that they are getting and listening to is most likely coming from the Alienator.

The main sources of support for the MLC'ers are typically the alienator or other enablers. Why? Because anyone that disagrees with the path the MLC'er has chosen is then automatically put into the camp of "the enemy" and either castigated or cancelled..... Because those are the people that reinforce accountability and responsibility for one's own actions.... and the MLC'er can NOT stand that idea....

[Ichoosefaith]

One thing that struck me when I was reading your threads was about the ‘advice’ that our MLCers are getting from other people. I realised that in my situation, and possibly yours and many others, the main source of relationship advice that they are getting and listening to is most likely coming from the Alienator.

The main sources of support for the MLC'ers are typically the alienator or other enablers. Why? Because anyone that disagrees with the path the MLC'er has chosen is then automatically put into the camp of "the enemy" and either castigated or cancelled..... Because those are the people that reinforce accountability and responsibility for one's own actions.... and the MLC'er can NOT stand that idea....

I couldn’t agree more. I have watched my W surround herself with people who either barely know her or her new”friends” she has made since our separation and she has deleted and blocked and cast out EVERYONE who has spoken up about her behavior or questioned it or tried to talk to her. Anyone who knew her and knew us has been thrown away like trash even after lifelong friendships because they aren’t just buying into to her crap.

[Reinventing]

It’s kind of like a drug addict asking their dealer for advice on rehab.

Yes!

[Baxter1]

In the past I have asked if her friends (the actual friends she had and has known for years) support her in this. She said she doesn’t listen to anyone and makes her own decisions. I’m going to take that as a huge NO. That being said it seems like she is living an alternate life with whomever will agree with the narrative. Her parents (who actually agree with me and are appalled by her behavior) say that she is standoffish towards them.

[UrsaMajor]

In the past I have asked if her friends (the actual friends she had and has known for years) support her in this. She said she doesn’t listen to anyone and makes her own decisions. I’m going to take that as a huge NO. That being said it seems like she is living an alternate life with whomever will agree with the narrative. Her parents (who actually agree with me and are appalled by her behavior) say that she is standoffish towards them.

The Mid-Lifer tends to surround themselves with enablers and people who support their narrative. Anyone who dares to question them or demand any kind of accountability is classified as an "Enemy."

[Baxter1]

General question:

My wife had her mother send over old photo albums, pics from when she was a child. There’s also some old report cards and other memories. Is this common? Is she looking back to try to ‘relive’ and re-evaluate her childhood?

[UrsaMajor]

General question:

My wife had her mother send over old photo albums, pics from when she was a child. There’s also some old report cards and other memories. Is this common? Is she looking back to try to ‘relive’ and re-evaluate her childhood?

Can you please stick your elbow in a pot of green and describe how it tastes?

You'll have about the same amount of success trying to understand why an MLC'er does whatever it is they are doing.....

However, in answer to part 2 of the question, usually the Mid-Lifer is trying to erase anything connecting them to their past but that doesn't mean that they don't try to relive it.... Since they do tend to revert to grade-school/early teens emotionally, she might be trying to recapture that lost "thing" that she believes is lurking in her past life.... Who knows?  It is a mystery

[Baxter1]

UM,

You always come back with some great ones! I figured she was going back in time to relive something. But you’re right, figuring out the MLC mind is a fools errand, if she doesn’t know who she is and why she does what she does then what chance do I have to figure her out?

[UrsaMajor]

UM,

You always come back with some great ones! I figured she was going back in time to relive something. But you’re right, figuring out the MLC mind is a fools errand, if she doesn’t know who she is and why she does what she does then what chance do I have to figure her out?

Just doing my job, Sir. Just doing my job.....