[toomanytearss]

This is pretty confusing that’s for sure.  I’m applying my skill sets that I learned here.  Lol. One step at a time.  Staying realistic. 
So far I know I’m stage 4 colon cancer.  There’s a more specific name for the area.  But I can’t remember the name. 
Lots of decisions to be made.  They want to put in a bag (I can’t remember the name of that either.  I’ve gone dumb all of a sudden) and I e agreed to do that.  There’s not a full blockage from the mass yet but it could happen. This will keep that from happening and prevent an emergency situation.  Which we don’t need more of that.  And then I’ll be able to eat whatever I want.  That’s a plus cause I’m missing food.  lol.
They will put in the ports for chemo and radiation and I will start that.  The hope is it will shrink my tumors and I will get a couple more years.  This is not going to be a remission type situation most likely.  I’m just trying to buy time. A year or two would be very welcome. 
So that’s where I’m at right now.  My kids have been fantastic.  Taking turns staying with me and visiting. 
I’m being sent home today and Monday is the first surgery.  I’m keeping a good attitude.  I haven’t fallen apart.  And I hope I don’t.  I want to stay in a good place for my family and friends so they know that I’m ok and their support is a huge positive.
I thought I’d be more falling apart.  But I’m not.  At least not yet.  I mean honestly a couple more years, if that is in the cards, will be just fine.  I’ll cram so much time for fun with my family during that time. 
I know some hard days will show up.  I get that.  It’s funny though.  I’m so concerned about my family that I am able to keep it together for them.  I love them so much.  I’d do anything for them.