[mcm64d]

Just a bit of journaling.

This week I finally caved in and contacted my lawyer to help finish off the divorce process and get the money I am owed per HER Property Settlement Agreement. Just got really tired of hoping to see the divorce decree everyday in the mailbox and the having to call the county to see if she had done told her months ago needed to be done. Why she lied to me and told me that the county on numerous times told her it just needed to go through the proper channels is so frustrating but now its not a worry- unless she refuses to sign the affidavit.

All of this additional nonsense on top of a needless divorce over a freakin 2 page document........but thankfully I had the sense to move it on. Now up to her to sign.....finger crossed:)

Hoping everyone here is having as good of a day as possible.

[mcm64d]

…. And just to show how ridiculous all this is and how childish I suppose, I get a call from my lawyer this morning. There is a large box of stuff to pick up and he actually chuckled while saying it. Made me chuckle too….. but truth be told I am a little scared.
What could be in the box? Belongings I’m sure I really do not want to see. May be a long day today.

[WHY]

…. And just to show how ridiculous all this is and how childish I suppose, I get a call from my lawyer this morning. There is a large box of stuff to pick up and he actually chuckled while saying it. Made me chuckle too….. but truth be told I am a little scared.
What could be in the box? Belongings I’m sure I really do not want to see. May be a long day today.

[mcm64d]

Crisis averted. Tax records, the money she owed me, two dinner plates from England that were from my mother (she told me about these as she was clearing out the house after I moved out- but I told her to get rid of them because I did not want to see her), and the program from my college graduation.

Why would she be nice enough to keep onto these for me. The plates were wrapped up in bubble wrap and could withstand nuclear war and the program was in a clear folder to preserve it. I just do not get this woman, but at least it was a nice gesture!!

[mcm64d]

So today is the three year anniversary of my mother-in-law passing away, which i believe started my wife's MLC.

The only family member I have contact with is her grandmother (the mother-in-law's mother). I reached out by text today to send my thoughts and asked if there was anything I could do.

She was so glad to hear from me and we exchanged messages for about a half hour. It basically ended by her telling me she is going to move nearer her nieces in Tennessee or Florida. It is because her family here in Pennsylvania is not the same. The grandmother told me that her daughter (my mother-in-law) was the glue behind the family and that since she passed it all has changed.

At 83 she is now leaving behind her son and her two granddaughters (one is my ex-wife) and says she can take care of herself. I told I never doubted it but I doubt the others can. She agreed.

I am getting angrier as I continue to think about this. I want to do something for her to make these issues go away. Whatever they are doing, it simply is not right. I know there is little I can do but do any of you have any advice? Is there a way I can help?

[Nas]

 I know there is little I can do but do any of you have any advice? Is there a way I can help?

You know there's little you can do, but eventually you will get to the place where you know there's nothing for you to do here. This isn't yours. Might be a good exercise for you to ask yourself honestly why you are getting angry and seeking to act on someone else's behalf who hasn't even expressed a need or desire for help. Sometimes when trying to hold onto an attachment we know we need to let go of, we look for reasons to not let go.

Your wife's grandmother sounds not only perfectly capable of taking care of herself, she sounds like she's made a firm decision to actually do that, to remove herself from one situation and go somewhere closer to other family members where the situation would be better for her. Good on her, I say. At 83, it sounds like she's taking care of her own needs and making decisions not based in codependency or clinging to relationships that have proven no longer entirely healthy for her. So when you say "whatever they are doing, it simply is not right," you might learn a lot about yourself and which direction will take you toward full healing by asking what exactly you believe they're "doing," doing to whom, why it "isn't right," and why you feel you should intervene in any way in a situation this seemingly very independent grandmother has already resolved for herself.

[mcm64d]

Hi NAS,
Yes I thought about that but I’m more concerned about what my father in law did to start this stupidity 30 some years any and the grandmothers son for coming up small as usual. But you’re right, as usual. Thank you!!!

[mcm64d]

Been keeping to myself for some time now but reading posts along the way.

As we enter July, the last of the months of the year that I have not been with my wife, I have a few things I would like to journal.

Life has been going on rather smoothly lately. Began a new workout routine and diet and am now the lightest I have been for about 10 years. Enjoying my summer thus far and still not dating. No one is my wife.....

Not at least the woman I grew to love. And that has to change if I am ever to find another person to devote my life to.

Some days are not all that great. Yesterday was one of them. Very sad over how things ended. I am almost a year into this. I guess these days will continue to happen for a while, maybe forever. Who knows?

I am STILL not divorced. I called the county and got a very startling response. I was told that "obviously there is a hold up, you should call your lawyer". Up until now, the responses have been something like "just going through the process".

So I call my lawyer and get a response that he has to to reach out to her lawyer to find out what is going on. That cannot be good news.

And the saddest part of it all is it seems that now I am the only active participant and the only person trying to get a divorce I did not want finalized. Seems a little unfair.

I am basically all alone in this world. No family. Two or three people I can call true friends.  But for I would say 99% of the time I am not lonely. I have a tremendous amount to be grateful for and actively recognize that everyday. I focus on being the best version of myself I can be, and I have some work to go. I probably will have work to go as long as I am alive....and that's ok.

What is not ok is when I realize how grateful I am for everything I have yet wish that my wife, the person I knew, would still be here now. That would be marvelous....

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Life has been going on rather smoothly lately. Began a new workout routine and diet and am now the lightest I have been for about 10 years. Enjoying my summer thus far and still not dating. No one is my wife.....

Smooth is good. I need to lose some weight. It's not the workout that's getting me, its the calories I consume exceeds my workout. LOl. Tomorrow, I see my doctor and the I am not expecting a solid review when I get on the scales. I am looking forward to a great summer as well. I am glad that you are enjoying yours as well.

Just know that you are in no position to date. And no one will replace your wife. My new wife is not my old wife at all. Different background and she responds and reacts differently than my ex. You need time to heal and get your mind clear again. You have gone through a lot in the past few months, seek joy and fulfillment within you. Regardless of the outcome, you need to be on solid footing and centered in your own world.

Some days are not all that great. Yesterday was one of them. Very sad over how things ended. I am almost a year into this. I guess these days will continue to happen for a while, maybe forever. Who knows?

Perspective check, your life with her was the same. You know what, we all have bad days. Over a decade since she has left and I still have my "what if" moments. However, they pass and you move on. I want to remind you that one year of the mess and you have just begun.

I am getting angrier as I continue to think about this. I want to do something for her to make these issues go away. Whatever they are doing, it simply is not right. I know there is little I can do but do any of you have any advice? Is there a way I can help?

The hardest part is when there is no advice, no manual to troubleshoot, no expert advice on how to respond. There is just acceptance. My SIL passed away suddenly from lung cancer (never smoked in her life). Diagnosed in December, gone six weeks later, died in my brother's arms. Over thirty years of marriage and he too is seeking answers. I can't help him, but I can be there for him. I call him every week. He too has terrible days. He vents and I listen. He also has good days and he talks and I listen. That's acceptance.

Acceptance is when you realize you can't change her world, but you can change yours.

Have an awesome day,

(((Ready)))

[mcm64d]

Thank you for the kind, reassuring words. Very kind of you!!