[xyzcf]

I can only change me and this is the time for it.

You know when the time is right for you. You feel it internally.

I’m the bread winner and always have been. He did start working a few years ago but makes less than half of my salary.

Just keep in mind, he might be entitled  to some of your earnings if you make more than him.

[mama4]

Thank you! All good points.

H followed me around a bit this morning and kept sitting near me rubbing his brow and leaning over.

He asked me to scratch his back and I did.

After several minutes he said he was having a lot of depression, anxiety and anger and was staying away from us so we would haven’t to deal with it.
I said
I’m sorry
How can I help?
He said
You can’t

He waited for me to leave with two kids for baseball for the rest and told our teenage daughter he was going shooting.

This is the biggest conversation we have had in nearly two years.

[mama4]

It’s our wedding anniversary. I’m looking at pictures and we look so happy.
I remember all of the happiness and joy.

[mama4]

He wished me a happy anniversary and hugged and kissed me.
He hasn’t said anything on our anniversary in several years.

[Biscuit]

Mama,

Nothing wrong with remembering something as joyous and happy, these are good memories, they are real and you experienced them and can remember how those moments felt. That's a good thing.

Where some of our spouses are now is they can no longer relate to that feeling. It's strange, you or I can see a photo of happy times and know exactly how we felt at that time and have all those feelings back in an instant - it just takes a photo, a smell, a place or a song.
Unfortunately MLC robs our loved ones of these feelings somehow - which is a real tragedy.

Someone here suggested I celebrate my anniversary on my own as something really lovely that I can remember every detail of, and was real and worth celebrating for all the good times I can remember - I loved that advice

B x

[Biscuit]

He wished me a happy anniversary and hugged and kissed me.
He hasn’t said anything on our anniversary in several years.

Hugs xx

[mama4]

Thank you for the kindness.

Lots of ups and downs but I am only allowing the joy.

I am thinking about filing for divorce a lot and will write a list of steps and deadlines so I can get moving.

[mama4]

Journaling

He took me out for a lovely dinner last night and was talkative and very much himself the entire time.
I relaxed and engaged in the experience like I was having dinner with an old friend.
No relationship talk at all.

[mama4]

It’s the chaos, he is comfortable with it and is uncomfortable with everything else.
Loving support, loyalty, a functional family, all of it is upsetting to him.

He creates chaos.

[Treasur]

It’s the chaos, he is comfortable with it and is uncomfortable with everything else.
Loving support, loyalty, a functional family, all of it is upsetting to him.

He creates chaos.

I think a lot of us will have nodded at that observation.
Ironically, I think most LBS reach a point where we crave peace and calm above anything else bc chaos makes us feel exhausted and deeply unsafe.

I don’t know what, if anything, you intend to do differently as a result of your observation but I would just encourage you to do what is best for you and your kids bc you can’t fix him or tidy up his chaos. There’s not a big enough mop in the world lol. What I hope you can see increasingly clearly is that his lean to chaos has absolutely nothing to do with any of the BS ‘reasons’ he has blamed on you though - this just isn’t about you.