[Faith]

For 18 years my IL's acted like and told me they loved me.  After BD, in my shock I emailed my MIL and got back a scathing email about how I haven't supported her son for YEARS.  I was stunned.  Came to find out he had been complaining to her about me for years behind my back.  She apparently felt "needed" in some sick way and encouraged this instead of telling him to go talk to his wife.  She aided him in his growing bitterness while still pretending to love me until BAM.  Now they say they are "sad" for everyone involved, but want their boy to be happy.  Who cares about encouraging their boy to have integrity and doing what it takes to save his family.  He should be happy.  These are also supposedly Christian people.

After several attempts at conversation with my MIL, about 18 months in I finally told her about H's EA.  Her response was "I can understand how he enjoyed the attention, but he would never have a REAL affair!!"  I told her about the 10 years of porn and her response was "oh yes...men do that."  That's when I knew she was a lost cause.  Now that the divorce is underway, two of H's cousins have reached out to me through email and have been kind.  It is really strange to instantly lose a family you've had for 20 years.  I guess I'm no longer an aunt to his sister's kids.  Are we supposed to say goodbye somehow?  So sad.

[Mermaid]

I'm so lucky with my in-laws. Even though I am a foreigner here, they have always accepted me and tolerated my strange English ways.

This has all been confirmed during H's MLC. My FIL was killed 36 years ago. My MIL, who treats me as if I were one of her own daughters, has been full of advice (some of it helpful  ). My 3 SILs, who treat me as if I were a real sister, have maintained their support, understand his personality, and also given me insight into some of the painful episodes of Hs past that help to explain it all.

One of my greatest friends and a great source of support has been H's cousin, who lives nearby. Whatever time of the day or night I have needed help, she's been there.

I suppose too that the loving nature of this family will also help my H in the end.

[rediscover]

Wanted to add something. Found out last week that my MIL told other family members that D13, D9 & I told her we wished them dead. I have only spoken to my MIL one time and that was last year when I called her and asked that she give the girls a little space b/c they were really upset that their 10 year old cousin told them that H had moved out. My H was actually back in our house at this time and in the same room with me when I spoke to MIL.  D's have not spoken to her in almost a year!
All I have to say is that maybe therapy should start at the source of my H's problem.

[kikki]

rediscover
This strange attitude is what most of us seem to find.  Although, sounds like there are a few lucky ones, but I'm not in there either.
(although after being rude to me and hanging up on me a year ago - MIL phoned a few weeks ago to say that she loved the boys and I very much! But no mention of H, no mention of how the boys were coping etc etc etc.  For the 23yrs prior to this, I was treated as though I was the best thing that had ever happened in the family?)
I am pretty certain that if my FIL was around still, things would be very different.  He wouldn't have allowed that to happen.

Agree completely - we don't have to look too far unfortunately to find the source.   I guess this denial and dysfunction will have gone on for generations.
Surely someone has the courage to face this issue and heal it.

I would say my MIL is horrified and embarrassed.  Denial and hiding away being her coping mechanisms.  Hmmm - now where have I seen that before??

[truth_seeker]

Both my IL's are very dysfunctional.  MIL is a narcissistic phoney who is a serial divorcee on her 3rd marriage and still runs around on her H who is weak and does what ever she wants.  FIL is an avoider who abandoned his biological children to adopt 3rd wife's kids.  Both encourage H to pursue happiness at all costs even to the detriment of their only GKids. 

MIL was always in direct competition with me and quite honestly couldn't wait to get me out of the picture.  As now she can have H back all to herself and appears to have embraced OW because she is "beneath her" and feeds her superiority complex and narcissism.  Limitless' description of her MIL could be the twin of mine. 

H truly has no family outside of our own who loves and cares for him.  It is sad to see him still trying desperately to cling to people who do not know how to love.  He's the perpetual child wishing to please his parents in order for them to love him yet they continue to reject, abandon and abuse him emotionally.  I of course can not do a thing to help him so I love from a distance and keep quite.

[Little Chief]

When my MIL found out, she told me "Nothing will change between us.  You are still my daughter".  That is true, I am going to spend the weekend with her soon, but she is definitely starting to distance a bit.  I think this is all so hard for her.  She really wanted better for H.  FIL is a pain in the arse, and probably is thinking "atta boy", rather than "you jerk".

BIL is supportive.  SIL is silent. 

[Musica]

Well  my FIL died in 2007 after 3yrs of chemo, this was a big part in my H's  MLC. Both my parents died too between 2005 and 2008. So now there is just MIL and my H went to live with her. At BD in Jan 2010, I told her that her son had been having an affair, and she was horrified; ready then to go and slap the OW. Things have changed since then.
Her son moved in with her in Feb 2011 after I discovered affair again (he said it had ended) this time she has sympathy for him, and has even got angry with my two D's because they haven't asked after him when they saw her. When he moved in with her he told her all sorts of stuff which wasn't true, and she believed him. Her relationship with me has changed, and mine with her too. She doesn't come here without being invited and often refuses invitations. I don't call in to see her either, because H is often there.

One of our friends asked my MIL recently, "isn't it kind of strange having your 50 year old son living with you?'  Her reply,  ... 'its fine, he's no trouble' I think she likes having him there, he does stuff for her and is company for her too. She always did spoil him (he's an only child) and she still does everything for him ( I didn't, I treated him like a grown up!)

So no matter what happens, my relationship with MIL will never be the same, sad for everyone concerned. Even my two D's have changed a bit in their attitude towards her, as they perceive her closeness to her son, whereas she was so close to them before. It can never be the same. I know if his father was alive, he would have had a different reaction to his son abandoning his family, even though his dad was a selfish man, he never did what his son has done.

[BonBon]

Complete and utter support from my MIL.
She lives far away but knew something was wrong with her son through their phone conversations.  I never wanted to tell her what was going on but as so many moms do, she "knew" there was something.

One night, she happened to call when he had gone out and I had HAD IT.  I blew up on the phone.  Oh boy, I did not intend to do that but timing is everything.

A long conversation ensued and she was completely supportive.  She isn't the easiest person to talk to but boy, she was great.  I have no idea if my FIL knows.

So, now, my MIL asks how things are but just on occasion.  She has noticed a big, big change in H's attitude towards her and his father and so, she is happy about that.

[Millvina]

My MIL is a bit like the the OW, he's told her his version of events and she believes and validates him.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

My D also told me something much more upsetting.  She said that some of my H's family, in her opinion, were actually "pleased" H & I separated because they saw me as a "bit of a prig" because I don't drink (don't serve alcohol in my home, either) and they felt like I had a "holier than thou" attitude about it.  (Need I say that many--about half--of my H's sibs and niece's and nephews are alcoholics. DUI, serious car accidents, falling down alcoholics.)

Isn't it funny how a thing relatively trivial in the grand scheme of things comes to the surface in MLC situations?
My H's family are all drinkers and there isn't one of them I'd want to end up like.  I've done all I can to support my H's quitting alcohol but he's turning back toward it, since MLC.  I don't think they dislike me per se, but I also do not think they understand me.