[OldPilot]

I appreciate every situation is different, but has anyone got back together, broke up and got back together again?

SKx

RCR - 8 times.

[hyperglad]

MY H has left and returned so far 4 times. Each time we had 6 weeks of hysterical bonding, him treating me like a queen, then he fell back into the fog and started up contact with ow. He is now living alone in what he calls his cave....and for the time being is NC with ow but still doesn't want to come home.

[Rollercoasterider]

I appreciate every situation is different, but has anyone got back together, broke up and got back together again

That depends on what you mean by the question.

If you mean has anyone expereinced multiple returns, then OP is correct--Sweetheart came and left 8 times.

But if you mean did we break-up, then I would not classify us in that situation.

There are valid and true break-ups where one party is not in agreement. But what I mean is that Sweetheart did not leave intending to stay gone. On all but the first leave he intended to be home again. He often left saying he might be back once the weekend was over!

I don't count the first as a break-up either because I had already had my Knowing that we would be together and because I was a Stander by then.

But there are some situations where a couple has mutually separated or even divorced and got back together later. Or where the separation or divorce was not mutual but was accepted by both parties and both may have gone on to date during the separation/divorce period. I would consider those to be break-ups--at least the ones where they separation had the intention of being permanent.

Multiple moves home and out again--or attempts--are not uncommon to MLC.

[hampc0cv]

Rollercoaster,

What if they left and there is no contact except when H talks to daughter he asks how is your mom doing once in awhile.  In the beginning I wrote him a couple of letters and sent a card but he never has contacted me,  He only told my daughter to tell your mom thanks for the letters and card.  That really hurts. 

I want some sort of contact and it is driving me crazy that he hates me so much that he will not contact me.  What Have I done to deserve his?

I am crying right now because I am so hurt and dont understand why he has done this to m and his family.  He deserves to hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want him home so bad.

[xyzcf]

Let the tears flow..in spite of the pain, they are healing and washing away the emptiness and pain that we feel.

You have not done anything to deserve this. Read HB's post today on Let Go, Let God..it explains so well why they have to go ALONE on this journey.

Unfortunately he can't come home that easily..he has to do the work that he needs to do to find himself. Some will and return, others will just keep running I think..but eventually they all have to do something to stop their pain.

For whatever reason, we are a source of their pain even though we did not necessarily do anything to cause the pain. It's almost "mysterious" because there are many, many "reasons" that they are where they are...developmental, biochemical, unresolved issues relating from childhood, pressures and stressors and perhaps an ambiguity that has existed all along about whether they ever wanted to be husbands and fathers.

Perhaps, for the first time in their lives, they are being true to their inner selves and their inner needs. The anguish that we feel is because we became so much a part of them..we loved being a part of them and they have had to cut that part off..because in spite of how much this hurts us...they cannot continue on their path with what they feel is an albatross around their necks.

Only by cutting us out of their lives, will he be able to face where the pain is coming from.

And perhaps realize that the pain remains, in spite of the fact that they have walked away from us, their families and our love.

[SpecialK]

Blimey I remember posting this - I've come a long way since then 

SKxxx

[TrustingMyHP]

OP,

Thanks for bumping this up.  This thread took place long before I came here. 

This is really the heart of the matter isn't it?  Surely it's the question/hope that brought us all here.

It's not the main thing for those farther along.  We do come to understand, and then with more time, accept that this is our journey as much as our MLCers.  And that there are no guarantees--but there is hope, especially if we practice the unconditionals and detach.

And a few more success stories than when SpecialK first asked the question, too!

I'd be curious to know where those who posted on this original thread are today in their thinking.  Are they still as committed to standing?  Has their been encouraging movement in their sitch?  Where are they in their journey now?

TMHP

[In this for ME]

Well BD for me was June 28th of 2010.

D was final Sept 11th 2010

OW moved in Nov 1st 2010

ExH moved her out Dec1st 2010

I'm moving back in Oct 1st 2011.

Do we ever get back together? I guess so.
Will we ever feel secure again in the relationship again? Beats me. I'm not there yet.

Will things ever be the same? Nope.

Is it a joyous happy thing? Not from what I'm feeling yet.
Has he changed ? Some.
Have I changed? Some
Have we changed enough to make this work? Hard telling.

[hyperglad]

Well I am not tempting fate as we all know how quick things change in the world of MLC but my H asked about coming home this Sunday.

First BD March 09
OW BD Aug 09 11 mths with her then
Multiple leaves usually for 1 night, go to OW then beg to come home the next day.
Moved into his own place April 10 when I made him leave after so many times hearing how unhappy he was and discovering contact again with OW.

We had been reconnecting lately but i felt there was no commitment so I went NC with him two weeks today maybe that chivvied him along, who knows.

Watch this space I guess

[LettingGo]

I believe my husband and I are getting back together.... all signs point to it, and though I "knew" what I thought the outcome would be from nearly the beginning, I didn't know what the journey to get there would be like and there's still a long way to go..... I think the "getting back together" comes in stages, as well.... first is the dumping of the affair, then there is still the MLC to get through... after that, remorse and reconnecting, then rebuilding! Who knows how long it takes to get to that point... in the meantime, you can still live together as a family, have family outings, vacations, holidays.... while the both of you travel your paths....coming together in small ways to build a foundation to trust in...

Like HB, I believe (NOW, hahaha!) that FORGIVENESS must be found for the MLCer AND for the alienator before my husband and I can come back together... believe me, I never thought I would see the day when I was encouraging forgiveness towards OW.... cuz I really don't give a rat's a** about her... let her family and friends console her.... but I must be able to find forgiveness towards her FOR MY OWN HEALING, or my journey will not have come full circle... by "full circle" I don't necessarily mean "complete" just that it has come around from BD to the opposite... a desire to be together instead of a desire to break apart.

We have dodged so many bullets and come so far, that I already feel like a success story.... we are relaxed around each other, my husband is reconnected with the house and kids almost 100%, and he has many moments of clarity.... future talk and imagining our life together... telling ME that I need to have "faith", like HE does, that we will get through this!  Stay tuned!