[StillStanding]

I just wanted to point out that the URL for this article is:

http://www.andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.com/81.htm

Good find! I enjoyed that article and plan to check out the rest of that site.

[Moving Forward]

another really good site which is not about MLC but about healthy relationships with boundaries is www.baggagereclaim.com - I found it when I started on my journey back in October 2009 when I wanted to understand why women became OW.....I get a lot of useful relationship info from Baggae Reclaim and it helps me navigate the key relationships in my life (including my husband!!)

P
xx

[Foxberry]

Excellent articles, oh how I wish I could send the Cheating one to the OW & H !!!!

Fox  xx

[OldPilot]

Bumping this thread up for Kappy, hope it helps with your boundaries.

Look up at the top of our forum under Resource standing actions and there are more links for boundaries.
(3rd post down in that thread)

[Mermaid]

Thanks OP, I needed to be reminded too.

[Synicca]

I thought maybe since so many of us are dealing with a OM/OW here

I thought maybe it would be good to discuss how to get passed the feeling of betrayal?
How to let go of the Ow/Om is vital to your survival....

Not dwelling or comparing yourself to the other person....

Remember that your w/h "THINKS" they are in love with the predator....It is nothing more then 2 children
escaping the "reality" they are refusing to see.

The Ow/Om helps them "forget" by confusing and using blackmail to get your spouse to do what they want.

If I can help anyone here...I would love too...

[phoenixwoman1]

I sometimes wonder if it is "love" when they will give up everything for that person.  How can they not be in love when they do so much for that person even at the expense of their kids?? I don't want it to be true, but wonder sometimes...

[Mermaid]

You are certainly a good example to all of us, Synicca.

In my experience of H's EA, they might convince themselves that they are doing nothing wrong. They aren't consciously betraying us, but trying to escape an aspect of their lifes that feels oppressive. I truly believe that my H wasn't really thinking of me at all.

[Synicca]

it's hard when they walk away from everything and everyone for this R that seems to make them happy.

Think about it this way, If your head is mixed up and you don't know which way your going, and all you
can even think about doing is running...running away from "reality" and there is this person that is
willing to go right along with you? seriously, there has got to be something seriously wrong with someone
who is willing to be with someone who will leave their kids....

Both sides may or may not do the same thing..They run so fast that they Give up all that they knew to be real.

or maybe think about it this way......in the "real" world of R's, when 2 people get together. and they are SANE.
none of this behaviour takes place. Most people will leave the Marriage, file for divorce and never look back.

You see the True bliss that comes from "real" love.

I see from my H's r with Ow is that they have never got along..from day 3. its been 9 months now and
he has almost lost everything and everyone...and she is doing the same.

for what? to end up on the streets?? is that reality? no.

Mermaid: I think your right, in the beginning, they aren't thinking about whats right or wrong. There is nothing
to tell them " Hey stop this crap" the person they meet, doesn't care "truly" about our spouses. They want the
fantasy of "true love" that they have never really had in life.
My H admits that he is being "selfish" that he doesn't think about what he is doing.
He doesn't look ahead. Its ALL about today. not tomorrow.

How can they know what they are doing when they are running so fast and ignoring the path of distruction?
They literally sit on their hands waiting for something to "change" for someone else to "fix" it.

[Synicca]

I am not proud of the fact that my H has had 7 Pa's...It took me 4 years to get past
the last set of betrayals...so when MLC came about, I was fully aware and able to "let it go"

It takes alot of self work, forgiveness, and alot of praying...

It can be done though...I believe that everyone can get passed it.

The worst thing anyone can do is Compare yourself! THAT is a no no
That will distroy your self worth faster then anything else.

You have to stop the fantising about "what they do"
Visualizing " them in bed"
This is ALL bad moves and will kill your spirit. The first rule here is

SAVE YOUR SPIRIT!!